Am I being paranoid about my mil?

[GummyPanda]

My DH goes away for work quite often, usually for a week at a time. My parents or usually just my mum comes to stay overnight while dh away to help out with my young toddler and to give me a break/ relaxation time. My Mil doesn't offer to help until she finds out my parents are coming and then offers to visit to help on a day my parents will be here. Then gets annoyed making passive aggressive comments when I say that my mum will be here. She never offers if my parents aren't coming or on days my parents won't be here. She also isn't bothered about seeing my dc much. She just makes passive aggressive remarks about how often my parents visit. Am I being paranoid to think that mil just wants to help out on the days my parents are to sabotage it for them, so they see my dc less? She also isn't much help with my dc, she just talks about herself the whole time.

Possibly! Just politely decline and say you already have visitors.

Offer a month in advance if she is keen to help am sure she will accept your invitation or just huff 😅

Sounds like it. Either don't tell her or say no thanks I have help.

Politely decline. You could always offer her an alternative time to visit.

Give her a few dates to come and help on days you know your mum won't be there. If she declines you a probably not being paranoid.

I can be evil so take it with a pinch of salt, but I would next time say ok yes please come over, then rearrange your parents. When she turns up say they couldn't make it and see how long she stays lol

Agree with 'tricking' her into coming and actually helping. Bet she won't offer again.

She wants to make sure she's not missing anything. The snide comments are rather mean-spirited: she clearly doesn't particularly want to help out, but is miffed when your DPs do. Ignore her and don't tell her when your DPs are coming - if she asks, say you've nothing arranged.

Can you pretend your parents are coming and then take MIL up on her offer? Call her bluff?

The her your parents are coming when they're not! That way she'll offer to come and might be helpful.

Any chance she likes your parents’ company and wants to spend time with them?

Oooh weird.

If it were me i'd just not tell her when my parents were coming and be happy without her visits.

1. she's no help anyway
2. i'd hate the gatecrashing on my time with my parents
3. i hate people who game play and will cut them out rather than endure this rude sort of crap.

2020BetterBeBetter not much chance as she doesn't like spending time with my parents. She looks down on them because they are working class I think

She probably wonders why you need so much "help".

raspberryk I don't need the help. It's nice of my parents to offer. I get a break and my dc gets to see his grandparents which he loves.

Weird that you can’t just look after your kid on your own. She probably thinks the same.

That's unfair. If her DH is away a lot then why shouldn't she have a break and some company.

Maybe you should take her up on the offer, she can babysit and you can go out with your parents for the day as a thank you for all the past help. Maybe you should re word it to her as them visiting you rather than as childcare? But perhaps she is miffed you haven't invited her to stay/spend time with her grandchild too.

Give her some dates if you want, but to be honest I'm not sure why you need help or a break?

My dh works away 80% of the time and would love all the offers of help! Play her at her own game next time and say ‘great thanks, would be a lovely opportunity for you to have some quality time with dc and me and mum will pop out for a quiet coffee’ everyone wins then hopefully!

Weird that you don't understand why other people enjoy spending the time with their own parents and the relative ease that having other adults around introduces to the world when you have a young dc nixen - of course we can all cope with our dc by ourselves but it is nice to have the company of (nice) close family to share time with as well as load.

How does she know when your parents are visiting? Can you restrict her information flow?

@maddening but OP just stated to help and give her a break/relaxation nothing about enjoying the company? It's also about MIL offering the same days, surely if it was about company then she would have said, I get lonely so if it's possible could you come another day?

Odd you've read the post and not seen it's not about company, it's about sharing the care of a child.

“Give her some dates if you want, but to be honest I'm not sure why you need help or a break”

How weird that you don’t understand that people like to have the chance to have a break when looking after young children.

If you don’t get it, you don’t get it I guess. 🤔

@StreetwiseHercules but surely you get a break when they go to bed? I've got to be honest, I never felt the need to get a break above, bed time so probably three/fours hours a day. I might arrange a babysitter if I had an invite, but no I didn't feel the need for a break on a daily basis.

I suppose you don't understand that, but we are all different.

Also @StreetwiseHercules it's child, not children it's only one.