Am I being paranoid about my mil?

[GummyPanda]

My DH goes away for work quite often, usually for a week at a time. My parents or usually just my mum comes to stay overnight while dh away to help out with my young toddler and to give me a break/ relaxation time. My Mil doesn't offer to help until she finds out my parents are coming and then offers to visit to help on a day my parents will be here. Then gets annoyed making passive aggressive comments when I say that my mum will be here. She never offers if my parents aren't coming or on days my parents won't be here. She also isn't bothered about seeing my dc much. She just makes passive aggressive remarks about how often my parents visit. Am I being paranoid to think that mil just wants to help out on the days my parents are to sabotage it for them, so they see my dc less? She also isn't much help with my dc, she just talks about herself the whole time.

My husband goes to the same two conferences every year and is gone for a week each time.

The first time he went away I was recovering from surgery and had a six month old baby and a toddler. So my mum came up (she lives 100 miles away) and stayed with me for the week to help.

Now it’s become a bit of a tradition and even though I don’t need my mum’s help, it’s just really nice to have her around. And the kids love her being here too.

My MIL always makes little digs about me ‘not managing’. But on the rare occasions I’ve been away overnight on business, she’s always over here like a shot so she can wipe my husband’s arse and make him breakfast

"Up the duff" lovely turn of phrase @Winterwoollies !

You seemed very cross with the bitches comment and then getting your next comment all wrong? Agreeing with me after disagreeing?

Does your mil live close? How does she know when your parents are going to be visiting? I would just accept her offer with a big grateful smile. She will either not show up at all giving some excuse, or she will come along and sit around doing nothing.

If it's only you, your mother and your toddler then I don't see how having another grandmother there to "help" is sabotaging anything. Your mother doesn't need 100% of your child's attention in order to have a relationship.

Accept her offer to come over. You can complain that she doesn't see your child very often yet turn down offers of her to come over.

Maybe she'd like to come over to have a chat with your mother. Grandparents don't need to be solely preoccupied with grandchildren. They are allowed have adult relationships too 😉

springly why are you on this thread? We are trying to help OP. You are clearly not.

Maybe your MIL is scared of looking after your child.
Maybe she wants to forge a relationship with your parents.
Maybe she thinks you don’t like her and feels that by going when your parents are there , it would ease tension.
She shouldn’t be expected to give you a break. That your parents give you a break is a luxury.
You shouldn’t be expecting your MIL to subsidise extra breaks.
Have you actually tried getting to know your MIL ?

Do you tell her they are coming? Maybe she sees yor parents getting invited all the time but yet you dont invite her? so maybe she is being a bit spiteful towards them because of that?

I agree with lying about when your mum is coming

@spingly I don’t really understand what you’re talking about. I called you out for being unnecessarily nasty to the OP and deciding she’s incapable of caring for her child on her own. Which is something you’ve projected, based on no evidence. Also, I can call my pregnancy anything I like.

I came here to support the OP and to call out the Mean Girls like you.

But I have to say, I don’t really understand your last directed comment. So I will just presume you’re bonkers and ignore you now. I’m going back to my tea.

My mum comes to help with my three fairly often when DH is away. I don’t need the help, but it’s nice.

Bitter, much, @spingly ?
My MIL comes over 2-3 x a week, does pick ups for my eldest 2, hangs out with us while the kids have dinner, and then does bed time.
I guess that's because I'm not capable of looking after my kids, rather than because she's a lovely grandmother and MIL who wants to be involved and help out?

@GummyPanda not sure how your MIL finds out about your parents being there, but as others have suggested id run interference. Id also stay open to the possibility it's about her own awkwardness/something I hadn't considered rather than trying to sabotage your parents.

Just be upfront with her say no it's okay I don't need you to come when my parents are here. But if you offer when I have other help it would be appreciated.
Call her bluff and let her know. You know what she is up to. X

Meant to say no other help. X