To find it really rude to smoke...

[kylieeee]

Went to a family NYE party last night, mainly family with a couple of their extended friends etc (only a small group of us). Over Christmas we broke the news that we're expecting, very early doors at the moment but struggled to keep it quiet over the Xmas period as kept being questioned about not drinking

The family we hadn't seen yet were congratulating us and asking the usuals of when I'm due etc so they know it's my first pregnancy and I'm only in my first trimester.

4 of them are smokers and said it was too cold to go outside, so they all smoked inside with the back door slightly open every 15 minutes! The kitchen absolutely stank. My clothes absolutely stank. My hair absolutely stank Im not a smoker, never have been and can't stand the smell of stale smoke, but I found it really thoughtless to be filling up the room with smoke when you know someone is pregnant in there... I just think it's really inconsiderate. In the end DP and I got fed up and left early which I was much happier with. Second hand smoke is so dangerous to unborn babies and it's really annoyed me. AIBU?

That is disgusting, ignorant and selfish. Yanbu. Idiots.

I do think in this day manage it is rude to smoke indoors, however if the home owner has no issue I dont think you can complain. Could you not sornd time I another room with people not smoking?

Sorry do many auti corrects!

Day and age and spend not sornd

Tbh I would have gone home.

I sometimes smoke...if I'm out and have had wine. But I'd NEVER do it indoors....especially not near someone who didn't smoke AND was pregnant!

My friend vapes and was shocked when I turfed him outside to do it. It's not on.

That's awful of them. Were they drunk?

I know I'll be called disgusting, but I smoke, but I will not smoke inside my own house, I go outside. I'm far from a heavy smoker (I had hardly any yesterday, maybe 4, if that) and if it's raining, I just won't have one.

I won't smoke around anyone else and certainly not around children or anyone pregnant. They were being totally unreasonable.

I'm sorry your evening was spoiled. Any smokers who come to our house know perfectly well that smoking anywhere other than well away from the house is not an option. TBH I only have one friend who smokes, and she never even asks to smoke.

Are they older ? I find the older generation are always like this they have no idea and don't seem to care or believe that second hand smoke is a thing

I've never experienced this, but nice to see ageism rear it's head on yet another MN thread.

Nothing to do with being older. It's to do with being selfish bastards - and being a selfish bastard crosses all ages. Not just 'the older generation'

I really hate the smell of smoking and especially don’t like it inside as it clings to everything - however whether they are being U depends entirely on if the host told them to do this or whether they did it on their own volition.

And again, I still absolutely hate smoking but one evening near it will not do harm to your baby.

Out of interest, could you not go and sit in the living room instead?

When you say "older" how much older?

I am 61, and of my generation I only know one who smokes. The rest of us view smoking as a particularly disgusting habit.

It’s harmful for everyone not just a pregnant woman.

Why was everyone in the kitchen. Was it the only place the party was or were there people in other rooms that you could have sat in that weren’t filled with smoke?
It’s still inconsiderate but if the party was only in the one smoke filled room and there was nowhere else for you to go then that’s worse.

Tbh I wouldn't be comfortable in a closed room with 4 smokers, pregnant or not. I can't remember the last time I've been in a room with a smoker actually - they all go outside or at the very least stick their head out a window. I would have left there sharpish if I was pregnant.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it but at the same time they are enjoying their night and if the homeowner doesn’t have a problem with it, I couldn’t see the problem either.

Did you ask them to smoke outside ?

Maybe they were drunk and didn’t even register what they were doing

YANBU even if you were not 'with child'. Even in the 70s before given up smoking, my grandmother would go outside, even in the middle of winter. There are these things called coats and scarves, remember.

The fact that you're pregnant isn't really relevant, this was highly inconsiderate behaviour irrespective of that. Other people may be asthmatic or have other breathing problems - and even if they don't, it's horrible to inflict that smell on everyone else.

I am a smoker. I don't smoke inside and if I am somewhere that I can have a smoke and am with other people I would move away from them whilst I smoke out of pure respect. I do think they could have been a little considerate but unfortunately a lot would see it as not your home so not your choice. I personally wouldn't have smoked near you under the circumstances even if it was my home. Yes its very cold out but its my choice to smoke so Id have to get on with being cold

Smoking is disgusting even if you you go outside. My neighbours smoke at their back door which is at right angles to mine. The smoke drifts through the fence (not to mention their loud, sweary chat) and I can smell it in my kitchen, especially in summer if I want the door open. DD has her sand and water tray near the back door so I can watch her while I do the dishes/cook and has often had to stop playing because of it. I rarely sit out there of an evening like I used to. I could ask them to stop, but they are not at all approachable.

Thanks everyone, I wasn't sure if I was just being overly sensitive to it. The party was solely held in the kitchen, although at one point I did go and sit with the young kids in the living room and watch tv with them just to get away from it.

The host is a smoker and regularly smokes indoors so it's not really my place to tell her what to do in her own home.. the others are her kids and partners in their late 20s.

It was either sit with the kids watching YouTube nerf wars all night or go and sit in a smokey haze swigging on a J20 I chose option number 3, home with pizza!

When I was pregnant, my DH repeatedly reminded our friends not to do it near me. Our friends were all in their 20s so nothing to do with ‘being older’. All to do with being inconsiderate.

I think it's horrible but you can't have been shocked at a smoker smoking in their own house and letting others do the same. No matter how pregnant you are very few people can be expected to change their behaviour for you.

I could ask them to stop, but they are not at all approachable.

It's a tricky one too. It's difficult to ask them to stop in their own garden, as they can refuse very easily. Sounds like these will too. If next door are in their garden, I'll pop out the front. I know they wouldn't care, but hey, it doesn't bother me to do that.

I’ve never smoked but I think YABU to be expecting people to not act normally in their own home. I would have just left and gone home earlier. They didn’t need to smoke indoors but you didn’t need to stay, and ultimately it’s their house.