To find it really rude to smoke...

[kylieeee]

Went to a family NYE party last night, mainly family with a couple of their extended friends etc (only a small group of us). Over Christmas we broke the news that we're expecting, very early doors at the moment but struggled to keep it quiet over the Xmas period as kept being questioned about not drinking

The family we hadn't seen yet were congratulating us and asking the usuals of when I'm due etc so they know it's my first pregnancy and I'm only in my first trimester.

4 of them are smokers and said it was too cold to go outside, so they all smoked inside with the back door slightly open every 15 minutes! The kitchen absolutely stank. My clothes absolutely stank. My hair absolutely stank Im not a smoker, never have been and can't stand the smell of stale smoke, but I found it really thoughtless to be filling up the room with smoke when you know someone is pregnant in there... I just think it's really inconsiderate. In the end DP and I got fed up and left early which I was much happier with. Second hand smoke is so dangerous to unborn babies and it's really annoyed me. AIBU?

I’ve never been around people who smoke indoors before
How society has changed op. Ywu to expect smokers not to smoke in front of you at a party. People make choices and you needed to make yours.

One evening of being near smoke isn’t going to do much harm.
Their house and they have a right to smoke in it whether you are pregnant or not. You could have left.

Personally, I wouldn’t associate with smokers. I wouldn’t go to the house of a smoker, as they always smell regardless of attempts to hide it. If I had a choice I’d put a total ban on the sale of cigarettes in the U.K. and any smoking in public but as it is, it’s legal so you are being unreasonable.

Obviously not everyone but older people I know vs younger people I know have very different views obviously not everyone! Calm down ffs

but then you didn't like it (rightly) and you left?

I can't see the issue to be honest. I would have left too, but it's their home. Wait until you push a pram putting the baby's face at the exact level of car exhausts...

My friend vapes and was shocked when I turfed him outside to do it. It's not on. Vaping is not smoking!

Absolutely disgusting. You were not overreacting

Thank you to those of you actually reading the thread and not hurling abuse for things that didn't happen.

I'm finding I'm having to repeat myself a lot so for clarity...

I didn't know they smoked indoors until I arrived.

I have never asked them to change their behaviour but thought not blowing smoke in people's faces was just common courtesy

We politely made our excuses to leave.

Unsure how this thread turned into a battle zone!

Mummyoflittledragon

How society has changed op. Ywu to expect smokers not to smoke in front of you at a party.

How will little dragon cope?
They'll get terrible backdraft.

During your pregnancy you will have to make choices. This was such an occasion.

This isn't intended to be harsh but the world won't stop turning just because you are pregnant. You make the choices you need to make to protect you and your child. The world will just carry on as before.

Vaping is not smoking!

no but it's just as bad, and just as rude to vape in someone else's house.

As the party was in the kitchen, that was inconsiderate, unless they were hovering just in an open doorway - halfway compromise.

my dm smoked [like a chimney] but when around my dc she went outside & if she was still alive she would have been nearly a 100 - so that was many years ago - point is she knew I didn't & she was sensitive enough to recognise that it was the right thing to do & I hadn't didn't even have to ask her - so as op has pointed out it isn't just an age issue - only in that more percentage of that age group smoked - interestingly among my dh & my age & social group I have never noticed anybody smoking - my parents & my oldest sister did (although she like many of her age group gave up)

Unsure how this thread turned into a battle zone!

It's always a shock when you post something and it blows up in your face. I speak from dire experience ☹

My initial reaction was provoked by my feeling that you sounded as though you expected hardened smokers, who'd only learned about the news of your pregnancy for the first time, to change their behaviour (and possibly spoil their evening) for the sake of your baby.

However, you said (which I missed - sorry again ) that you'd chosen to leave.
Which seems very sensible to me.

But I don't see why the smokers (in a smoker-friendly environment) should change to suit your child. It's up to you to protect your baby, which you did.

And, believe me, you've no idea how much I hate smoking.

it definitely has everything to do with being old as the older generation didn't even know the danger of smoking what so ever

How old is "older"? I'm 64, regard myself as one of the older generation and I can remember my mum and dad talking about giving up smoking because of the cancer risk when I was very small, so I'd say it was known about by the late 50s. My granddad, d.1958, always blamed his emphysema on smoking, and "smoker's cough" was a well known phrase.

Of course, if "older generation" is now people of 80+, I'm delighted, as that means I'm still middle-aged!

Disgusting pricks. Good job you left. They should have been a bit more considerate.

no but it's just as bad, and just as rude to vape in someone else's house. No, actually, it isn't just as bad!

They should have been a bit more considerate.

Why, it's their house. And just because they smoke, it doesn't make them pricks does it?

Tangerinesandlemons
in your own house, do what you want - as long as you don't have children obviously.

Otherwise, yes it's rude, and you do know that vaping kills don't you? So just as bad and just as unacceptable. Would you blow the vape in a baby's face? Of course not, so there you go.

We did politely leave after an hour

I think that one hour of second hand cigarette smoke pales into insignificance in the grand scheme of a pregnancy, especially when you consider the amount of pollution we breathe in on roads or tubes etc.

It’s up to you to look after your baby and that means removing yourself from a situation you are not happy with or don’t consider is safe. You did that last night and no harm will have been caused. I found during pregnancy that I noticed smokers a lot more than before, partly from a heightened sense of smell and partly because I imagine I was also worried about second hand smoke. I wouldn’t be surprised if you do the same and feel hyper aware of the smoke going to your baby whilst the vast majority around you will even have that thought. Babies and children can easily become the centre of our worlds but it is true when people say that others, no matter how polite they are, really don’t think of them that way at all.

@stellas5
Are they older ? I find the older generation are always like this they have no idea and don't seem to care or believe that second hand smoke is a thing

OFFS.

Yes. Anyone over 50 is as thick as shit and smokes like a chimney.

[confused}

I think YABU here OP. I don’t consider it rude for a person to smoke in their own home. And the fact that you’re recently pregnant is irrelevant (as other PPs said).

You say you knew they smoked but didn’t know they smoked indoors? Why wouldn’t they? It’s their house! Why would you assume they didn’t?

You were NBU in leaving however if the smoking was an issue. I would do the same, pregnant or not.

Congratulations on your exciting news!

Smokers who don’t work indoors won’t be subject to being forced to smoke outside. That applies to people who don’t work such as the retired or unemployed too. They won’t have any restrictions on lighting up indoors as it’s not an office, it’s their home.

Smokers who have smoked indoors for years think it’s ok to continue as long as the window is cracked open an inch as that will somehow make it ok. They can’t smell the odour clinging to their clothes are they are nose-blind!

I have the same problem in my aunts house. She smokes indoors. Window cracked the required one inch. It’s a pain in the arse to have to strip, wash my clothes and shower to get the stink off when I get home. At least I know in advance. I wear clothes that need washed anyway when I visit. You didn’t know but now you do and will avoid that house! The partygoers would have thought the door being cracked open would have kept the fumes away from you. Because they can’t smell them. And live in their own reality of smoking being ok. So I’m not surprised they didn’t stop smoking indoors. Doesn’t make it right. Just the way it is.

Ageist crap off of stellas5

@@stellas5

Obviously not everyone but older people I know vs younger people I know have very different views obviously not everyone! Calm down ffs

You might want to re-read what you actually said in your post.

I am a smoker (unfortunately - insane stress foiled by successful quitting so I’m trying again shortly), and I would never ever smoke inside, let alone someone else’s house, let alone with a pregnant woman there.