To find it really rude to smoke...

[kylieeee]

Went to a family NYE party last night, mainly family with a couple of their extended friends etc (only a small group of us). Over Christmas we broke the news that we're expecting, very early doors at the moment but struggled to keep it quiet over the Xmas period as kept being questioned about not drinking

The family we hadn't seen yet were congratulating us and asking the usuals of when I'm due etc so they know it's my first pregnancy and I'm only in my first trimester.

4 of them are smokers and said it was too cold to go outside, so they all smoked inside with the back door slightly open every 15 minutes! The kitchen absolutely stank. My clothes absolutely stank. My hair absolutely stank Im not a smoker, never have been and can't stand the smell of stale smoke, but I found it really thoughtless to be filling up the room with smoke when you know someone is pregnant in there... I just think it's really inconsiderate. In the end DP and I got fed up and left early which I was much happier with. Second hand smoke is so dangerous to unborn babies and it's really annoyed me. AIBU?

But you know the host is a smoker and smokes inside and you still went to the party.

Sorry but I think that’s a bit daft on your part.

@NoSauce I didn't know they smoked indoors until last night, I've only been there once before. No need to be rude

Unless it is the hosts house and they smoke in there yanbu.
I'm a smoker and would never stand next to a non smoker and smoke.
I'm standing outside right now having a fag because I have children in the house. Yes it's cold but I'm not subjecting other people to my smoke.

The host is a smoker and regularly smokes indoors so it's not really my place to tell her what to do in her own home

@NoSauce I didn't know they smoked indoors until last night, I've only been there once before. No need to be rude

Am I missing something here OP?

@NoSauce no your not missing anything PP.. DH uncle made a comment about the smell when talking to me and said it's always like this every time they host. Will be avoiding in future. Do you always gaslight people?

People have every right to smoke in their own house and garden. If it worries you, leave. A few hours of second hand smoke will do no more to your baby than the pollution in the air.

I find the older generation are always like this they have no idea and don't seem to care or believe that second hand smoke is a thing

Always?? Really?
I'm in my sixties....I wouldn't dream of smoking indoors ever. I wouldn't smoke near anyone, let alone a pregnant woman.
I stopped smoking indoors 24 years ago even though only two of us lived in the house, both smokers at the time.

Hang on, either you know this person smokes indoors or you didn’t ( as per my quotes )

Which is it?

I doubt that short time at the party would have harmed you or your baby. Don't overreact.

@NoSauce if I really need to break it down...

1. It's partners great Aunt who we rarely see. Been to her house once before years ago for Boxing Day breakfast. She did not smoke indoors during that visit.

1. I did not know that it was a regular occurrence as above, I do not go there often. I spoke to uncle who tutted and said 'it's always like this, I go home stinking!'

^ 'always like this' indicates that she regularly smokes indoors. Is that ok?

No I don't think it's rude of a smoker to smoke in their own house.

And I say that as someone who can't stand the smell of it.

It wasn't nice but whether it was rude or not depends on if they customarily do it or if the hosts asked them not to. It really wasn't that cold last night either! Smokers have a blind spot about the smell - if you're a non-smoker it absolutely stinks. We had issues with visiting relatives over Christmas who smoked outside leaving the door open despite repeated requests...
Babies are tough cookies though and you will be fine, but I do understand your anxiety.

kylieeee

I didn't know they smoked indoors until last night, I've only been there once before. No need to be rudeconfused

But you knew there would be smokers there?

In context, I have quite a smoking phobia (honestly; not just a dislike) so I tend to sort social occasions out around avoiding smoking.

Maybe the smokers should have taken precautions such as nicotine patches/gum to avoid smoking near you.
But they didn't and the host(s) didn't stop them smoking (do they smoke, out of interest?).

Honestly, are you sure this isn't partly caused by you being disappointed that your pregnancy news wasn't the be all and end all of the evening and that people - no doubt after expressing surprise and delight - carried on with their usual behaviour.

"Your child, your rules" is often said on MN.
And it's true. So maybe your rules should have meant you went home (politely making excuses about pregnancy making you tired; no need to spoil everyone else's evening with a scene) and protected your child.

Your child, your problem.

And, sadly, hosts' house, hosts' rules.

Partner doesn’t know she smokes?

Anyway as not very pleasant for you as it is yabu to expect someone who smokes indoors not to because you’re newly pregnant. I don’t agree with smoking indoors tbf but it’s up to those that do, I guess.

How society has changed. 30 years ago every social occasion was smoke fueled and no one thought anything of it, pubs cinemas etc. You are quite right to object, but really we have come along way so a bit of regression is bound to happen

I chose option number 3, home with pizza!
Sorry! I'm such a slow typist that I missed this.

Sorry, OP.

@LaMarschallin It would be naive of me to go to a party expecting there to be no smokers, but I've never been around people who smoke indoors before - any smokers I know always go outside.

We did politely leave after an hour and I put it down to tiredness. I did say in a previous post that I can't tell the host what to do in her own home, nor would I have the audacity to.

There was no disappointment to the reaction of our news. We spent most of the time we were there answering the same questions on how far along we are, what we think were having yada yada. I just wasn't comfortable with people blowing smoke at me whilst talking to me, which I think is unreasonable to do to any non smoker, pregnant or not. I think I'd just be a bit more considerate.

It’s definitely anti social to smoke indoors. Whether you are hosting or not.

However the whole second hand smoke in pregnancy thing is a bit OTT. One night will do nothing and you are probably worse off walking down a busy road.
It sounds to me as if you are miffed that no one made a big deal of you being with child. But smoke is disgusting so it’s fair enough to say goodbye early.

The host is a smoker and regularly smokes indoors

They have every right to smoke in their own home and to allow others to do so. You have the choice to go to their house or not, especially if you don’t want to be around smokers and it would be reasonable to expect they will do so.

@kylieeee

I know.

A couple of posts down from that post of mine you'll see my apology for missing your post where you said you'd left.

Apologies again.

@NoSauce partner knows she smokes but didn't know she did it indoors. When we realised it was going to be an ongoing thing through the night we stayed for about an hour out of politeness then made our excuses to go home

@LaMarschallin that's okay! Just seen

Yes, it stinks and it's unpleasant, but it's their house and they are used to smoke indoors, you knew that? It would bother me if they had kids living there, but otherwise, adults can live as they wish.

As a one-off your baby will be absolutely fine, daily pollution is doing a lot worst to your body and your pregnancy frankly.

@PositiveVibez it definitely has everything to do with being old as the older generation didn't even know the danger of smoking what so ever let alone second hand smoke. Defiantly not ageism just facts.

@JosefKeller I wasn't aware they smoked indoors until I arrived and then made our excuses to leave. As explained in PP we don't see her often and a passing comment made by another family member made it clear that it's always the case so now we know it's a regular thing