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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not let the pregnant woman push in?

113 replies

DaisyBD · 31/12/2019 15:26

I was at an airport the other day queuing up to go through security. Time was tight and I was in danger of missing my connection (so I hadn't just left it late getting to the airport). There was a woman in the next line which was moving slower than mine, and she asked the guy in front of me if she could go ahead of him, which he said yes to. I tapped on her shoulder and said actually I did mind and could she go back, which she did. She then complained to the people behind her that I was a bitch and she was pregnant - quite loudly but in french so I guess she assumed I couldn't understand her but I speak french. I said nothing but wondered afterwards if I should have let it go - it probably made fuck all difference to whether I made my flight.

I was very grumpy and stressed at the time but now I feel a little bad that I made someone else's day a little bit less nice, and small acts of kindness don't hurt. On the other hand, being pregnant isn't an illness and why should she take precedence? I don't know, obviously I can't go back in time to change what I did, and I don't feel terrible about it, just wondering what other people would have done.

OP posts:

Snowpatrolling · 31/12/2019 17:22

I find the french very rude when it comes to queue pushing! They were terrible in Disney land!
One actually pushed me out of the queue so she could take my place, had my 3 year old in my arms! Luckily some Americans came to my rescue!
If you spoke french I would have spoken in french back to shock her! Probably would have shut her up!!

NinjaBiscuit · 31/12/2019 17:25

I see my question has just been asked. If she has a legal entitlement to go to the front of the queue, why not do that in the queue she is in? Seems odd —suspicious— to change to the middle (back?) of another queue because its moving faster. It would have pissed me off, esp if she didn’t explain her reasoning when asking to jump in front. Yes it’s nice to be kind, but in this case it seems like she handled it badly.

Aprilsinparis · 31/12/2019 17:26

Cheeky shitpot! I'd have said in French, "I didn't know she was pregnant, I thought she just a bit chunky"

C8H10N4O2 · 31/12/2019 17:27

Is it not like this in the UK?

No here in the country of queuing, as we congratulate ourselves on the famous "good manners" we prefer to see the sick, elderly, disabled and pregnant women to stand in line because apparently that is "fair". Anyone in those categories asking to move forward will be tutted at, sniffed at and assumed to be a malingerer.

Frankly I'd rather have the somewhat more chaotic queuing system knowing that there is an acceptance that people in need have that right than rely on British good manners.

LondonJax · 31/12/2019 17:28

Is she was unwell, needed the loo or had some other mythical pregnancy related issue she could speak to a member of staff.

Just because you're pregnant doesn't always mean you need the loo, need to sit or need to move to the front of the line. And, just because you're not obviously pregnant doesn't mean you're not hiding a disability that means you can't stand for long/need the loo/ and all the other things a pregnant woman MAY need but doesn't always.

So should someone who does have a hidden disability have to explain why they don't want a pregnant woman pushing in? I don't think so when the woman in question could have just approached a member of staff discreetly or, as someone said, asked her own line if she could push to the front. She obviously managed to open her mouth to put her case - just to the wrong people.

So YANBU.

2020BetterBeBetter · 31/12/2019 17:33

Jumping the queue just because she was pregnant is unreasonable. Jumping the queue because she was pregnant and in pain standing up or felt sick etc is reasonable. She should have been polite about it though.

listsandbudgets · 31/12/2019 17:36

Mixed feelings.

On the one hand you were in a hurry and had every right to maintain your place in queue.

In the other she could well have been struggling to stand or really needed the toilet or felt sick...

I think on balance I would have probably let her through. People don't normally ask without good reason

ColaFreezePop · 31/12/2019 17:39

@C8H10N4O2 the only acceptable reason to queue jump at UK airports in security queues is if you are going to miss your flight and you don't have to be pregnant, disabled or whatever for this. (Very weird to have had essentially half a plane load of people go in front of you.)

In some European countries regardless of reason and regardless of asking the people in front of you, if you queue jump you will be told to get to the back of the queue by the security staff otherwise you aren't getting on your flight.

ChocolateTeapots1 · 31/12/2019 17:39

If she was that pregnant or unwell she shouldn't be flying. I worked until 38 weeks pregnant with both my children and commuted by train, I didn't walk to the front of the queue when I needed to buy a ticket or board the train. It isn't an illness. She was playing the card. I'd have said the same to her. Bit different if someone looks like they are about to pop, but if she was flying she wouldn't be full term or ill, she'd not get permission to fly. If she had spd or issues walking she'd be in a wheelchair or on the back of the assistance truck things like disabled people do.

Umberta · 31/12/2019 17:40

My goodness so much racism in this thread.. yuck

CombyourhairNow · 31/12/2019 17:42

No OP YANBU. She was rude. She’s pregnant, not disabled!!

If she was feeling ill or the like them she should have spoken to the staff who could have intervened. For those saying she could have medical issues etc.... we’ll surely if they were that severe she shouldn’t be traveling and again, she should have spoken to staff.

You’ve got nothing to feel terrible for

tillytrotter1 · 31/12/2019 17:43

Yes OP, this is an occasion where you could have been kind and chose not to

OP, you chose not to be emotionally black mailed, well done, maybe she'll get there earlier if she has 'problems' with her unique pregnancy which no-one else has ever been. Others have genuine medical problems relating to standing around, using the loo frequently.

Jezzballs2000 · 31/12/2019 17:47

I agree YANBU. I’m pregnant and would either speak to staff or address the people (not just person) I wanted to move in front of, plus explain then and there the reason why. I wouldn’t do it without a solid reason. I’ve had a number of green faced tube journeys without ‘claiming’ the priority seat. I will nab it as soon as I see one become available though!

CarrieBlue · 31/12/2019 17:47

I was ushered to the front of the queue by the security guard at Gare du Nord when I was pregnant, I thought I’d triggered some sort of security alert but it was just that I was pregnant. I was really embarrassed and apologised to the other people queuing, but they all just smiled and waved me forward - it’s normal in France to go to the front of the queue if pregnant (or elderly).

misspiggy19 · 31/12/2019 17:48

YANBU- she should have given a reason why she wanted to jump the queue. Not just ask outright.

Wheresthesandman · 31/12/2019 17:58

You were not being unreasonable to not want her to push in front of you, and well done for politely challenging. You can’t expect to get to queue jump without giving a reason!

You were being very unreasonable not to have responded to her in French when she referred to you as a bitch- You’re a much nicer person than me

Andylion · 31/12/2019 18:04

She didn’t ask you, she asked the person in front of you who consented.

"IMO he didn’t have the right to consent for all the people behind him though."

I agree with this. His consent affected everyone behind him in the line. How does anyone know that she wouldn't have taken an extra long time when it was her turn? OP was in a hurry.

And, OP, as she wasn't "obviously pregnant" and as she didn't say why she needed to go ahead of you , her pregnancy is irrelevant.

LeaderoftheAteam · 31/12/2019 18:04

Can't believe the number of women and mothers on this thread without an ounce of empathy or kindness in them. Also the racism towards the French? Tut tut. Season of goodwill?

Alsohuman · 31/12/2019 18:07

If I’d been that guy I’d have given her my place and stepped in behind you. How petty.

GabsAlot · 31/12/2019 18:12

so we just let people in front of us because theres no queing system in other countries

how many shold i let in then

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 31/12/2019 18:14

I agree OP, hate people pulling the 'pregnancy' card. So what?

emmetgirl · 31/12/2019 18:23

YANBU. I have terrible problems with my feet and hips (I have rheumatoid arthritis) so it's not obvious there's anything wrong with me. I end up in a lot of pain if I stand for too long. I don't use this as an excuse to avoid queues.

Livelovebehappy · 31/12/2019 18:35

TBH, I had a little sympathy with the pregnant woman until you mentioned she was a French. I’ve been to France a few times and they’re masters at queue jumping. Ruder people I’ve yet to meet.

ILearnedItFromABook · 31/12/2019 18:36

She was being unreasonable to insult and berate you. If she had an important reason for needing to go ahead of you, she could have explained and asked if you'd reconsider.

Personally, I hate it when someone thinks that if one person says it's okay for them to cut in line, it must be fine with everyone behind that person, too. Ridiculous.

NinjaBiscuit · 31/12/2019 18:37

I missed one of your updates OP. All the best with your treatment and have a smashing new year

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