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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let the pregnant woman push in?

113 replies

DaisyBD · 31/12/2019 15:26

I was at an airport the other day queuing up to go through security. Time was tight and I was in danger of missing my connection (so I hadn't just left it late getting to the airport). There was a woman in the next line which was moving slower than mine, and she asked the guy in front of me if she could go ahead of him, which he said yes to. I tapped on her shoulder and said actually I did mind and could she go back, which she did. She then complained to the people behind her that I was a bitch and she was pregnant - quite loudly but in french so I guess she assumed I couldn't understand her but I speak french. I said nothing but wondered afterwards if I should have let it go - it probably made fuck all difference to whether I made my flight.

I was very grumpy and stressed at the time but now I feel a little bad that I made someone else's day a little bit less nice, and small acts of kindness don't hurt. On the other hand, being pregnant isn't an illness and why should she take precedence? I don't know, obviously I can't go back in time to change what I did, and I don't feel terrible about it, just wondering what other people would have done.

OP posts:
darndifino · 31/12/2019 16:19

In a queue for toilets I'd let an obviously pregnant woman go ahead of me; in your case and since you were in a rush, perhaps not.

heartsonacake · 31/12/2019 16:20

winnybella If someone has a genuine need or reason to go to the front of the queue, they can ask. But nobody, and certainly no entire group of people, should have a right, legal or moral.

It is very doubtful that anyone would need to be at the front of all/most queues.

LaurieMarlow · 31/12/2019 16:20

YANBU - the sense of entitlement of some pregnant women is immense

This is a shitty attitude though.

Of course your mother was entitled to a seat, but the pregnant lady in question couldn’t have known this. There will have been plenty of able bodied people on the train, why not save your ire for those who didn’t get up for the pregnant lady?

We don’t show a lot of kindness to pregnant women as a society.

Umberta · 31/12/2019 16:20

Have you been pregnant? It's shit.
True, you could have been undergoing cancer treatment or have some other hidden disability but as I understand it, you didn't. I'd have let her go ahead.
However she was BVU to have a sweary rant in French about you within earshot. Very passive aggressive and you're heroic for not turning around and giving her a piece of your mind right back! (And then letting her jump the queue haha)

Umberta · 31/12/2019 16:21

Also, I'm learning that the first trimester is the worst (living it now) so all this insistence on the woman being "obviously" pregnant is very silly

NearlyOutedMyself · 31/12/2019 16:22

I thought that this might have been about a toilet queue, where I wouldn't hesitate to let a pregnant woman in front of me. I don't know about an airport security queue, surely it it happened in France then she needed to speak to a member of staff to officially jump the queue. Security lines are stressful enough at times without having to judge if someone should go in front of you.

LadyLightning · 31/12/2019 16:23

YANBU - if she had offered an explanation, that may have changed things, but she didnt have the right to be in front of you because she was pregnant. Feeling sick, needed to sit down, in pain - all of those explanations may have changed things and you may have reacted differently, but she chose not to explain to you and so you didnt need to explain to her. In fact, the fact that she only told you she was pregnant indicates she is one of those people who feels extra entitled due to incubating a new human. It is lovely to do that, but doesnt make you extra special. Imagine if she had been elderly - would people on here have reacted the same? There are equal reasons that an elderly person may have to go first, but if you dont know them, you arent obligated to assume they need special attention. And btw, if people cant go out and about in public and handle things, maybe they shouldnt be travelling, or asking the airlines for extra help?

Pop2017 · 31/12/2019 16:23

Pregnant not Ill. Obviously she could have some long term
Pain or illness but you wouldn’t have known that. In your situation I’m not sure I will be brave to say anything - I’m not the confrontational type but I would be angry at her.

I never expected special treatment when pregnant with my two.

LaurieMarlow · 31/12/2019 16:26

I never expected special treatment when pregnant with my two.

Why’s that relevant to the discussion?

Some people are ill and/or physically incapacitated during pregnancy. Others are lucky enough not to be.

Why is your (totally unique) pregnancy presented as a model for other women to be judged against?

Bluebutterfly90 · 31/12/2019 16:27

I mean, it would have been nice, but you're not required to let people jump in front.

However, I do have sympathy for her even if she wasn't visibly pregnant. I had terrible hyperemesis starting well before I was visibly pregnant and would quite often be barely hanging on until I could find somewhere to throw up.
I did actually get some dirty looks from some people for taking up a seat at the bus stop, because obviously nothing looked wrong, all while I was overwhelmed with the urge to puke and just being able to sit for a bit was all that was helping.
So... YANBU, but you could have chosen differently.

JosefKeller · 31/12/2019 16:28

this is ridiculous

you were rushing to catch your connection, you go first. When you tell the staff - they tend to let you go through first because it's a pain if anyone misses a flight.

so YANBU, you were there first and had priority.

cooldarkroom · 31/12/2019 16:30

If she needed special assistance, she could have asked for it & would have been wheeled through with no waiting. you don't even have to justify it's genuine, you just ask for special assistance when you book.
There is a very high likelihood that she was just trying it on, A lot of French women think they are owed the world on a platter

Petrichor11 · 31/12/2019 16:31

YANBU

If she was really struggling she could’ve spoken to staff and asked to be prioritised

I wouldn’t have had the nerve to do what you did, but I would’ve given her a dirty look and quietly seethed. If I’d been near you I would’ve given you a smile and been pleased you’d spoken up!

Dolorabelle · 31/12/2019 16:33

YANBU.

If she was unwell, she needed to get hold of a security person & seek assistance formally. They would have whisked her through.

But as pp say, in FRance mothers & pregnant women can go to the head of any queue.

BerwickLad · 31/12/2019 16:42

I tend to not be fussed about things like this if it doesn't affect me - someone might have a good reason, equally they might not, but it's hassle on both parts to start delving into it so you know, benefit of the doubt and all that. I've certainly been in situations where I've looked fine but not been in great shape physically so I'm sure there are plenty of people in the average street/shop who are likewise, and them wanting to make their day easier is legitimate.

However, if it's a situation where you're potentially going to be adversely affected particularly if there could be fairly big ramifications then it's fine to assert your own needs. Just as infirm etc people are part of society, so are you, and sometimes you do need to stand your ground within society to ensure that it all works for you.

So on balance yanbu to prioritise your own stress, potential inconvenience and loss of time/money over a stranger.

Dubya · 31/12/2019 16:44

YANBU. If she felt poorly she should have let a member of staff know, it's not a divine right, many people in the queue probably have reasons for wanting to get through quickly.

Original poster
DaisyBD · 31/12/2019 16:45

Have you been pregnant? It's shit.

@Umberto yes, four times, and the second time i was really sick, including once into someone’s newspaper on a commuter train. that was a high spot alright Grin

not wishing to drip feed, although of course that’s exactly what i’m doing, i am in the middle of cancer treatment but it’s not relevant anyway - if i’d needed help because of it i’d have asked airport staff. at the moment i just feel a bit shit and a bit knackered, as do many of us. it doesn’t stop me queuing up in an airport, and i was only stressed and bad tempered because i thought i was going to miss my flight.

OP posts:
Arthritica · 31/12/2019 16:46

She asked, he responded, you objected to his response and insisted she couldn’t go ahead. I appreciate you we’re feeling stressed, but it was a pretty unpleasant thing to do. As you said, it didn’t make a difference to you anyway.

“I’m pregnant” is enough. No it isn’t an illness but for many, many women it causes painful, debilitating, uncomfortable or plain embarrassing side effects. The polite and compassionate response is to accept “I’m pregnant” as a reason and not demand a public explanation of her symptoms.

Poor bladder control, fatigue, dizziness, back pain, SPD (bloody agony), anything from feeling queasy to full hyperemesis... lots of reasons to be grateful to get through a queue quickly and sit down

Namenic · 31/12/2019 16:57

It would have been nice for you to let her. If you were worried about the flight maybe you should have asked airport security.

Conversely I think it would be good for pregnant women (if they can) let people who need the toilet/seat/etc ahead of them. Some people have incontinence as they get older or may have a bout of diarrhoea - though I know the disabled toilet was also available.

ErickBroch · 31/12/2019 17:01

She should've spoken to staff if she was unwell. YANBU. Tough shit.

KindnessCrusader · 31/12/2019 17:06

I don't understand why you did it, but the fact you're questioning it now probably means you know it wasn't kind and you might behave differently if there is a next time. Every day is a chance to learn 😊

MintyMabel · 31/12/2019 17:07

It does piss me off a bit that pregnancy seems to give people a sense of entitlement

No, a sense of entitlement is within those people, pregnant or not.

Plenty of people are pregnant with no sense of entitlement.

AlexaAmbidextra · 31/12/2019 17:07

She didn’t ask you, she asked the person in front of you who consented.

IMO he didn’t have the right to consent for all the people behind him though.

LovePoppy · 31/12/2019 17:14

Why didn’t she ask to move ahead in her own queue?

Nanny0gg · 31/12/2019 17:20

Well you're obviously missing something because pregnant women don't just ask to queue jump for no reason.

Didn't know pregnancy conferred sainthood on women.

Don't think some women don't use pregnancy as an excuse sometimes.

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