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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let the pregnant woman push in?

113 replies

DaisyBD · 31/12/2019 15:26

I was at an airport the other day queuing up to go through security. Time was tight and I was in danger of missing my connection (so I hadn't just left it late getting to the airport). There was a woman in the next line which was moving slower than mine, and she asked the guy in front of me if she could go ahead of him, which he said yes to. I tapped on her shoulder and said actually I did mind and could she go back, which she did. She then complained to the people behind her that I was a bitch and she was pregnant - quite loudly but in french so I guess she assumed I couldn't understand her but I speak french. I said nothing but wondered afterwards if I should have let it go - it probably made fuck all difference to whether I made my flight.

I was very grumpy and stressed at the time but now I feel a little bad that I made someone else's day a little bit less nice, and small acts of kindness don't hurt. On the other hand, being pregnant isn't an illness and why should she take precedence? I don't know, obviously I can't go back in time to change what I did, and I don't feel terrible about it, just wondering what other people would have done.

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 31/12/2019 15:53

YANBU. She can wait like everyone else and not push in.

Thoughtlessinengland · 31/12/2019 15:54

Cheeky fuckers get pregnant too!

And when they do their bodies might play up too. When in doubt, one could choose to be kind. The OP did ask.

Original poster
DaisyBD · 31/12/2019 15:55

Actually @LaurieMarlow said it so much better: you could have been kind and chose not to be.

yes I think you’re right. I do think she was unreasonable though - I only know she was pregnant because she told the people behind her, she wasn’t visibly pregnant - although I also accept she could have been feeling awful. If i hadn’t been so stressed about possibly missing my connection I’d have been kinder.

It does piss me off a bit that pregnancy seems to give people a sense of entitlement. How does she know for example that I’m not in the middle of cancer treatment or suffering from some other condition? and she did call me a bitch. But I accept that I was unreasonable though and I take the point that she did ask the person in front of me not me.

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 31/12/2019 15:58

YABU to assume she had no reason.

CatintheFireplace · 31/12/2019 16:00

If she'd given "I'm pregnant and I feel sick" or "I'm pregnant and in pain" as a a reason for pushing in then you'd have been unreasonable. Just "I'm pregnant" though - nope YANBU.

winnybella · 31/12/2019 16:01

What pps said: in France pregnant women, disabled and elderly have a right to go to the head of the queue.
Is it not like this in the UK?

strawberry2017 · 31/12/2019 16:02

If it was a toilet queue I would 100% say yes let her in - as a pregnant women currently if baby is in the wrong place it's horrendous waiting for the loo lol
But I wouldn't expect special treatment anywhere, it's just nice if sometimes people understand things can be uncomfortable or hard sometimes but I don't hold it against anyone even in a toilet queue!

FudgeBrownie2019 · 31/12/2019 16:02

I don't think you were the only one BU. You could have been kind, she could have asked you as well as the man in front.

ouch321 · 31/12/2019 16:02

You were fine.

An extra couple of minutes can mean the difference between making the flight or not.

If you had loads of time to spare perhaps but seeing as you didn't why should you risk coughing up say another £1k to rebook a flight just because someone happens to be pregnant.

And for the person saying it wasn't her business, it was. Yes the woman is going directly in front of the guy rather than the OP but that pushes back everyone else in the queue as well timewise.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 31/12/2019 16:04

I voted yabu only because I was ill during a pregnancy and it was awful standing on buses etc, I passed out once and ended up in hospital with people saying oh you should ask people to help, give you a seat etc I never did but would have been so embarrassed if I did and someone took offence or thought I was acting entitled.

Ollypollydolly · 31/12/2019 16:04

You had a reason for not letting her go so no YWNBU at all.

Rollonspringtime2020 · 31/12/2019 16:04

Yabu to not have answered her in French. Her face would have been Shock...
Yanbu to have kept your place.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 31/12/2019 16:05

Calling you a bitch was out of line though.

Thefaceofboe · 31/12/2019 16:07

You’d of been a little unreasonable if you weren’t in a rush but like others have said, pregnancy isn’t an illness

heartsonacake · 31/12/2019 16:07

in France pregnant women, disabled and elderly have a right to go to the head of the queue.
Is it not like this in the UK?

winnybella Of course it isn’t. Why would it be? Confused Everyone should wait their turn.

Meltedwellie · 31/12/2019 16:07

You were a bit mean to her but it’s done now so no point beating yourself up too much. Just resolve to be kinder in the future.
It does annoy me when people trot out ‘pregnancy isn’t an illness’. No, it’s not if you have an idyllic pregnancy and just blossom etc. my first pregnancy was like that but my second I felt ill a lot of the time. People can have all sorts of complications or just the strain on their body. Each pregnancy is different.

PlanDeRaccordement · 31/12/2019 16:08

Where was the airport OP? If it was in France you were definitely BU.
No reason why english queueing rules should apply outside England.

winnybella · 31/12/2019 16:11

heartsonacake For the same reason we give our seats up on the buses for these groups of people: it’s usually more difficult for them to stand for prolonged time?

RhymingRabbit3 · 31/12/2019 16:11

YANBU
If she was struggling with hip problems, needed the loo or whatever else people here have suggested she could have told you that when she asked to queue jump. I.e. "sorry I'm pregnant and suffering from hip pain, would you mind if I stood in front"

stuffedpeppers · 31/12/2019 16:12

YANBU - the sense of entitlement of some pregnant women is immense.

Had to take my Mum for chemo on the Tube , roads closed, traffic a nightmare it was the Olympics.
Lovely young man sitting down looked at me, mouthed chemo to me, I nodded -he got up and gave her his seat. Pregnant woman - not noticeable, badge blazing decided she would try and push past my Mum and get the seat.
She was given short shrift by said man who sat there till my Mum got to his seat and then let her sidle in!! Could have kissed him!

Diatribe for next 4 stops from said woman about old people not getting a divine right to a seat - said man eventually had enough and said - no but manners, age and chemo definitely do!

Well done OP

Laughterisbest · 31/12/2019 16:14

If she had the right to go to the head of the queue why was she even asking? Surely she'd just have gone straight to the front of the queue.

Ginger1982 · 31/12/2019 16:14

'in France pregnant women, disabled and elderly have a right to go to the head of the queue.
Is it not like this in the UK?'

Do you mean a legal right? No.

IdiotInDisguise · 31/12/2019 16:15

The pregnant woman? The fully able soldier in the States. Had been stuck in an airport for 16 hours after a missed connection, my third replacement flight had just been canceled had been traveling alone with DS for 35 hours already, the situation was so bad that there where no hotels available, had run to join the queue in the hope I could get two seats in the first morning flight and avoid another day stuck in the airport, when a guy tapped at my shoulder and asked me to let mr soldier behind us go in front of us.

In other cases, I would have said, sure no problem, but I just looked at the guy and told him “I left my house on Tuesday and it is almost Thursday, if there are two seats in that plane and he takes one I will start crying”. When the soldier heard it he was mortified somebody had asked us to move over in his behalf.

Original poster
DaisyBD · 31/12/2019 16:16

@PlanDeRaccordement yes it was in france - although i lived there a long time ago i didn’t know that about the queuing so lesson learnt.

she didn’t say she was pregnant when she asked, just that she wanted to go ahead of the guy in front. there was still a gigantic queue ahead of me and if my connection hadn’t been delayed i’d have missed it anyway, whether i’d let her in or not.

OP posts:
spurlingpipe · 31/12/2019 16:17

I've been in the position where I was pregnant and struggling in a long airport security line.
I spoke to one of the security staff and they were lovely and very helpful.
Wouldn't have occurred to me to try and skip into a different line.

How did she know that none of the people she was skipping in front of were also pregnant or otherwise unwell or struggling.