AIBU - cleaning the house mkaes me contemplate divorce every bloody time.

[montmatre]

I clean more deeply and more thoroughly than DP.

I regularly wipe down doors, skirting boards and scrub off random marks with my Karcher. it's my idea of clean and fresh - anything less makes me feel dirty.

Dp would always neglect these areas and it winds me up every time we clean up and all he does is move the hoover around (doesn't bother moving sofas etc).

Is it normal to fall out after every "deep clean"?

He also will tidy by shoving shit into a cupboard I spent hours wiping down and cleaning.

He says I have no ability to "prioritise"

Anyone experience something similar?

We did a massive clear out before Christmas so he complains that there is no need to go over bits. But with young children and a very muddy dog things don't stay clean for long.

The only way we can tidy together is if I set him big tasks like tidy out the car, scrub the pans etc.

Yes that would mean divorce for me! Lol I'm just like you very meticulous and I clean every single day (OCD). On the weekend my DH helps and is absolutely fantastic, he pretty much knows how I like it but if he's unsure will ask. And it's the same with the things that he likes just so. It's small things to compromise on I think and keeps us both from getting frustrated over things that can be avoided which makes for a happier home life which is very hard to come by in my experience xxx

Nobody ever lay on their death bed wishing they’d done more cleaning

I don't think it's that uncommon to have different priorities in a partnership. My DH's approach to tidying is the opposite to your DH's, but equally infuriating: he'll take everything he thinks of as 'crap' out of a cupboard/drawer, put a minimal amount back away very neatly, then refuse to see the resultant pile of random stuff for blind admiration of his own wonderful reorganisation. Or he'll spend ages up a stepladder cleaning the tops of kitchen cupboards, yet remain unbothered by lines of dirt all over the bath. I've had to learn to live with it, but I think I'm probably more relaxed about that kind of thing than you are, OP.

You do sound OTT based on your posts...
Basically you just want a cleaner. But I don’t think you can easily find one who can do it to your ‘standards’ - not surprised your DH is inclined to do it with you 😔 (you said he can do tasks on his own....that’s telling a lot about you)
Btw, YABU

There must be more to life than deep clean regularly....

That way he will see the amount of dirt and dust accumulating and may actually finally understand why it has to be done.

No he won’t. It doesn’t bother him, he won’t notice.

OH has a different standard of cleanliness than I have. Neither of us is wrong, I prefer a cleaner house than he does. I don’t expect him to clean to my level, any more than he expects me to cut the grass every week or feed it or scarify it. I couldn’t care less about the lawn, why should I give it as much attention as he does? He doesn’t care about dust under the beds, why should he clean it?

Wouldnt it be easier to give the dog a once over after every outing. My neighbour dunks her dogs feet in a bowl and has an old towel to dry them. We lock ours in the kitchen on dog beds until they are dry. They also have their own sofa with throws on it that can be washed frequently. Have to say love my new shark dog vacuum cleaner that really is the bizz.

What is this karcher that takes 40 mins to clean the stove that seems just daft.

Nobody ever lay on their death bed wishing they’d done more cleaning

Well, they might if they are dying of typhoid.🤔

I think in your shoes I'd go for a divorce. It sounds as if both a) the dog and b) the deep cleaning make you happy. Unfortunately c) the husband doesn't.

you are more likely to fuck your immune system by living in a sterile environment than catching the typhoid from unkarchered stove and skirting boards.

I think you see more of a mess because you are cleaning the mess. Your DH sees less of a mess because you are cleaning the mess and he's just doing bits you tell him to do.

I used to notice every little bit of fluff and get all angry at my DH not cleaning to my standards. We got a cleaner. And now because I know when the cleaner has been I feel all fresh on the day she comes and the days after. I don't notice if there's fluff behind the TV unit or sofa until I get the urge to go and hoover near there and take a look, because the main parts feel nice, my mind thinks the whole lot is nice and fresh.

During the days/weeks I've not looked, I'm totally content, but the mess could still be there.
So for all you think it's not to your standard, I say if you got a cleaner you would relax more and your standards would align more with your husband's standards because you aren't stressing out cleaning yourself.
Any bits the cleaner misses can be quickly gotten another time with much less stress because you are doing one tiny corner, not a whole house.
By far the best outgoing we have is the cleaners bill.

He's a big picture person, you're a detail person, could work well. Appreciate each other.

But DH wasn't moving footstools, toy baskets etc which was causing my blood to boil. My DS will vacuum round pieces of paper that have fallen on to the floor. The same DS that managed to hold down a cleaning job when he was in the 6th form.

If we keep up with it now we can avoid having to do such massive jobs in the future.

Bet he can’t contain his excitement at the prospect of such an exciting year ahead

If you need to hire a cleaner to come in every day to keep your house to your standards, there are two things going on, your standards are too high, or your family is an absolute shit show.

I think many of us muddle along. (I know I do.) We might like for things to be a bit cleaner or more orderly. On the other hand we have jobs to do, children to feed and play with, pets to take care of, partners, friendships, interests.

If the one thing you really really want to do is have a very clean house and this wanting gets in the way of all the other things, then maybe it's a problem....

Maybe it's because it's his house too and he doesn't mind lying in a bit of dust. I'd hate it if my oh constantly told me where to clean and that it wasn't up to standard.

Maybe get him to do things that can’t be done badly, loading and emptying dishwasher, laundry.

My husband does no cleaning AT ALL. :-/ Ive given up asking after 18 yrs. I swear he thinks we have cleaning fairies that come in during the night... still leaves dishes in the lounge room, socks on the floor.

It's normal for married couples to argue over cleaning. You sound way over the top though

@montmatre

I think you need to live alone.

HTH.

For me life is too short...

End of each day just make sure things are put away and kitchen surfaces are wiped down.
Saturday mornings hoover, wipe surfaces and quick clean bathrooms.
Twice a year spend a day moving furniture to do a proper deep clean.

If I needed more than this I'd pay someone to do it, my free time is valuable, I couldn't do an intensive clean every week. A bit of dust under the sofa won't kill anyone.

My DH is really lazy. He also has to mention when he has done something -"I squared up the kitchen" meaning he shoved everything to the side and might have wiped where there were no objects. Basically what I would do everytime I'm in there but don't feel the need to announce it!

I swear he thinks we have cleaning fairies that come in during the night

I work with a team of male colleagues, this was circulated couple of years ago, it made me laugh so much as it reminded me of my husband.

It sucks to do all the housework but I think OP's expectation is unreasonable as he doesn't get the same enjoyment out of having a spotless home.