AIBU - cleaning the house mkaes me contemplate divorce every bloody time.

[montmatre]

I clean more deeply and more thoroughly than DP.

I regularly wipe down doors, skirting boards and scrub off random marks with my Karcher. it's my idea of clean and fresh - anything less makes me feel dirty.

Dp would always neglect these areas and it winds me up every time we clean up and all he does is move the hoover around (doesn't bother moving sofas etc).

Is it normal to fall out after every "deep clean"?

He also will tidy by shoving shit into a cupboard I spent hours wiping down and cleaning.

He says I have no ability to "prioritise"

Anyone experience something similar?

We did a massive clear out before Christmas so he complains that there is no need to go over bits. But with young children and a very muddy dog things don't stay clean for long.

The only way we can tidy together is if I set him big tasks like tidy out the car, scrub the pans etc.

Stop by telling him what to do. That would really annoy me and make me do even less not a nice character trait I agree

If you share the cleaning and your are partners you don’t need to be supervising him, if those things bother you then deal with them while he does the things that bother him.

You sound like my DH but slightly more relaxed My friends call him Mr Monica. In fairness, my DH absolutely would not get a huge messy dog as he knows it would end in tears (his).

I myself hate cleaning and don't see the need for a lot of it We still manage to have a happy marriage. How we did it was ask Mumsnet decide on what was a "basic level of acceptable cleaning" and share it, and anything over and above that that he thinks is necessary, he does in reality, he just does it all as his standards are higher and he prefers to, but I appreciate it/him and let him know.

We also (and I think this is important) show respect for each other viewpoints. Eg I know dirty dishes lying around make him uncomfortable (this is a man who washes up before he eats ) so I wash up after myself and don't leave stuff as I would living on my own. In return, he tries to leave the dishes until after we have eaten etc.

It's not the cleaning, it's the compromising that is important here.

The white doors, door frames were spotless 10 days ago and already look shit

God if I only wiped my paintwork down every ten days mine would look shit too. It probably gets wiped nearly every day, I too have a big dog and the amount of dog hair he loses, I’m surprised he isn’t bald.

Decorate your house in shades of dog. You won't see the dirt. Best thing we ever did.

It's just his characterisation of me bing a controlling clean freak that gets to me.

Well, tbf, that is how you are coming across, and I kind of presume we all generally tend to tell a story from our own pov.

But DH wasn't moving footstools, toy baskets etc which was causing my blood to boil.

Really ??
I don't think I'd clean with you. Your dh has a lot more patience that I'd have with somebody telling me I 'wasn't doing it right', when doing my share of the household stuff.

Too late now but I do wonder why on earth you got a big dog if you feel like this about mess and dirt?! Can you have one room that the dog isn't allowed in?

If you had a little help now and then with a little more enthusiasm from your DH then you wouldn't be OTT and doing a deep clean every day. My DH is the same, he doesn't see the shit that piles up on the stairs and just walks over it. His idea of washing up is putting his hands in the sink and doing a washing machine motion with his hands then just putting them on the side to dry but they are full of food I could go on and on and I really want to divorce him but I love him dearly so I won't. It's fucking annoying though

Honestly you do not need a cleaner every day to keep the house clean and tidy. Deep clean once a week (preferably not by you). This gives you a lot more energy and headspace to do post meal cleans of the kitchen (everyone who eats pitches in) ,make the beds every day (everyone does their own) and keep everything else tidy as you go along (you use it, you move it). Some training of children and reluctant partners may be needed, but after that, it’s a doddle.

I don't claim to be the greatest clean freak ever and most of the time I just do what has to be done to keep it all bearable but quite recently we have acquired a dog. Not a big hairy one like the OP's but a medium sized short haired one. She is lovely but the amount of extra mess, mud and hair is unbelievable and keeping on top of it is taking much more cleaning effort than before she came.

Also, vacuuming around small bits of furniture, toy boxes etc would frustrate me too. I have to say though that my DH is much more thorough when vacuuming than I am.

How much do you love the dog? Because it’s seems to be creating a lot of mess that you have to clean up.

Just asking.....

My dog brings me so much joy, no regrets getting him. DH promised he would hoover everyday/tidy more when he got him. Hasn't really happened tbh. I wouldn't be so obsessive but the hose looked amazing for Xmas and I would love to keep it that way by doing little and often.

The stove and hood were sparkling at Xmas (after 40 mins of scrubbing with my Karcher) but DH says there's no point in doing it today. But why not just give it a 30-second wipe and keep it looking good? Or does he want to wait until its a more difficult job?

Get a roomba. One has been revolutionary with our dogs.

I can't stand dh cleaning. He fannies around, doesn't do it properly (ie my way) and I just end up frustrated.

So now I send him to do something else while I clean. So he walks the dog, sees to the little pets at home, feeds the chickens, takes both cars to be valeted, does the shopping etc. Or wrangles ds for a couple of hours. I do my cleaning while he's out to my standards, he avoids cleaning which he hates (hence doing a crap job).

And wrt giving the dog treats and leaving crumbly messes everywhere I send him for the Hoover if he does it. Soon remembers why we don't give her messy treats.

You should get divorced! I am single and cleaning my house makes me very happy! :-)

I’m with you OP. Easier to keep up with if you clean a bit every day.

You do sound obsessive OP and backtracking. You"deep cleaned" just better Christmas but already you're expecting him to clean cooker hood, move sofas/ toy boxes ,(how much dirt gets under a toy box?). I hate the little and often approach. It brings me zero satisfaction. A dirty oven and an afternoon current gives me way more satisfaction. I just don't particularly notice until it's quite bad so I don't get everyday pleasure from it being sparkling. I think your Dh is a faint to clean the cast on New year's Eve and desperate to keep his clean freak wife happy. He's a find. I'd hang on to him rather than haranguing him.

Get rid of the dog. House will be much cleaner.

You obviously have very different approaches. If you can afford it then why wouldn’t you get a cleaner? Hey presto - no more ‘deep-clean’ arguments.

Why don't you get him to do the basics each time then you work on the areas you feel need more attention? So he spends his share of the cleaning time mopping the kitchen floor regularly and you spend yours' polishing the cooker hood or whatever. Easier than trying to get him to agree to doing something he doesn't feel needs doing.

YABU

Don't share the cleaning, do it yourself and let him do the ironing/cooking or whatever instead. It will make both your life easier.

You are fussy, he's not. There's no reason why he should follow your "rules".

I can't imagine cleaning with my DH, or at least not the same room. You are both adults, he's not your child, your current system is not working.
If you can't get a cleaner, share the chores differently.

I wield the feather duster over skirting boards, round the edges on top of the walls and over pictures, ornament (of which there are few) and dust everything with a microfibre cloth. I don’t move the sofas every time I vacuum , but I do swap them over for even wear and vacuum under them then. Our doors are wood and get dusted when I remember.

You are making a rod for your own back. You won’t change your DH and many would say you’re lucky he does some cleaning himself. Either adjust your expectations or do it all yourself, but without resenting him and his different standards.

I'm kind of with you OP and think you are most likely NBU. DH reckons he can clean our house from 'top to bottom, properly' in under two hours. That's 3 bathrooms and 5 bedrooms and a huge kitchen. What he actually means is that he can hoover the floors in that time. His eyes never go above head level where the cobwebs hang in loops!

I reached behind a chair in a bedroom to get the hidden presents out to wrap, it was like the Hammer House of Horrors, my hand came out with masses of stuff hanging. Still there, I'll wave the fluffy sticik at it sometime next year.

I've cleaned professionally, and I don't know anyone who moves the sofa to hoover, even professional cleaners. Sounds like you have very high/OCD-like standards.

@thenightsky - your house is a similar size to ours and our cleaner can’t get around everything in 5 hours.

That’s only cleaning - no tidying , laundry, emptying bins, washing dishes, changing beds or towels etc