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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be worried that my body will never be the same again?

58 replies

HighOnStilts · 30/12/2019 23:50

I'm 25 years old, 28+1 weeks pregnant with my first. I struggled with my weight in my early teens, weighed about 13 stone at my heaviest when I was around 16/17. I went on a crash diet and lost a lot of weight, before I got pregnant I was weighing around 10 stone. It's only hit me recently that my body is never going to be the same after having baby. My OH loves me and my body and has reassured me he wont think any differently after I've had baby, but I can't help but feel like I'm going to feel really shit about myself. My body is doing an amazing thing right now and I am so in awe at my bump. I'm also incredibly scared about tearing if I have a vaginal delivery, and if I will look 'different' down there. We're getting married in 2021 and I know my weight will be at the forefront of my mind until that point, I still need to buy my wedding dress but hoping that will be motivation for me to lose any baby weight I might have.
Apologies for the long post! X

OP posts:

Hannahmates · 31/12/2019 03:11

Your body will change. That's the reality. Once you have your baby you won't be too worried about that though. The baby is worth it. You are young and will have an easier time losing weight and your body is likely to snap back faster and change less compared to an older woman. Try to enjoy your pregnancy and not worry too much.

DramaAlpaca · 31/12/2019 03:20

Your body might not change much at all, some women's don't. Mine didn't, I was 29 when I had DS1. I have permanently bigger boobs as they didn't go down after breastfeeding, but I didn't mind that. 'Down there' should sort itself out, even after stitches, so try not to worry about that. Even if things do change, it's because you've done something awesome, having a baby.

steff13 · 31/12/2019 03:23

It won't ever be the same again. I tore all three times, I haven't had any issues with healing, it all feels normal down there. And no complaints. Make sure you're doing your kegel exercises.

20viona · 31/12/2019 03:37

I can give you some reassurance that not everyone's bodies change.
I looked exactly like I did pre pregnancy within 2 weeks. My uterus contracted whilst still in hospital it was amazing. I had an episiotomy and lots of stitches and I look the same as before down there! Worrying about the birth is normal id speak to your midwife.

velocitygirl7 · 31/12/2019 08:10

I agree with others, some women don't really change at all after having children.
I've had two babies, both large and at 47 I'm slimmer than I was when I was 20. Pregnancy didn't change my body at all and although I tore and had stitches both times, I can happily report no problems in that 'department' either!
Easier said than done but try and enjoy your pregnancy, it's such a magical time of life, I'd go back and do it all again in a heartbeat.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 31/12/2019 08:13

Honestly my hips are much wider now but by about 6 months postpartum I weight half a stone lighter than before I got pregnant (and I wasn't overweight).

If you're planning on breastfeeding you'll lose the weight quickly.

Hollyhead · 31/12/2019 08:13

I was slimmer than ever after 2 kids, and I like my body more than ever too.

Spudlet · 31/12/2019 08:16

Your body is going to change no matter what - if not pregnancy, then just through normal ageing. We are not static, we change throughout our lives.

As regards pregnancy, no one can say for sure how your body is going to be. You should be prepared not to spring straight back - immediately post-birth you will still have a ‘bump’ and probably be heavier than before. But over time, as long as you eat well and do some exercise the extra weight will come off. For me that happened naturally after I finished breastfeeding DS - I didn’t change my diet or become more active but the extra padding my body had been holding onto just went. My body is not identical to how it was before but it is a good new normal now, IYSWIM.

Sierra259 · 31/12/2019 08:20

I don't think you can tell what will happen tbh. I think at least some of it is down to genetics. I'm probably 3/4 of a stone heavier than pre DC with flabbier bits that don't seem to ever tighten as much as they used to. Having said that, I don't exercise as much as I used to with having young kids at home. I have friends with 3 DC who look like they've never given birth though!

antlady · 31/12/2019 08:22

Your body is going to change no matter what - if not pregnancy, then just through normal ageing. We are not static, we change throughout our lives.

This

CandiceSucksCandy · 31/12/2019 08:26

I got a foof full of stitches and it all healed.
I breastfed and my boobs went pretty much back to the same size.
I was back into my pre pregnancy skinny jeans within three weeks, my bump was all baby.
The stretch marks all faded and I can't tell where they were now.
My belly button is the only thing that changed a bit. It got stretched to looking like a starfish from being a major innie. It looks a sort of half innie now.

My body did look a mess for about a year or so, it takes time for it to heal, it's gone through something really gruelling and significant.
For your body to bear a few 'battle scars' it should really be in it's favour, try to bear that in mind.
Bodies change over the years with or without babies anyway.
Be honest with your MW and HV about your eating disorder history, they won't judge but they will want to support you.

PooWillyBumBum · 31/12/2019 08:26

With my first I was back in size 8 jeans within a week. I had lots of stretch marks but they’re all silver now and I feel fine in a bikini. I think you can tell I’ve had a child but...well, I have. I think there’s an element of luck - not everyone stays bigger after a baby, yet some really struggle even with breastfeeding. I doubt I’ll spring back as much this time with number two but I don’t think I’ll be too worried about it either.

If you’re really worried then just watch what you eat (sensibly) whilst pregnant. In the third trimester you should be having 200kcal extra a day - no more - and the there’s nothing to stop you doing gentle exercise.

I had an episiotomy and there is a scar there but apart from that no changes to appearance in that area. This time (am 34 weeks at the moment) we are starting perineal massage to try and help, and I’m also hoping squatting and breathing the baby out will help lower risk of tearing, but I’m not too afraid. If it happens they’ll stitch me up and I’ll be back to normal in a few weeks.

PonderTweek · 31/12/2019 08:40

Don't worry too much and focus on the amazing thing your total legend of a body is doing. When your baby arrives you probably won't care much anyway as you will be all loved up (or will be too tired to care ). Your body will probably change a bit, but you can always get back to a healthy weight if you want to. I have always been critical of my body but after giving birth I looked at it completely differently and just saw it as a functional thing that had just done something rather bad ass. I was committed to accepting my changed body, but ten months down the line after not sleeping and picking baby up all day, I actually lost most of the baby weight and gained quite a bit of muscle, which really surprised me. I'm probably slimmer/more toned now than I ever was.

I also wouldn't worry about tearing at this stage. Even if you do tear it's amazing what they can do to fix things! I tore quite badly (didn't feel it at the time though, so technically it didn't even hurt!) but the midwife stitched me up brilliantly, and even though things look a bit different down there it all works fine. There is a scar but it's all faded now.

You'll be fine OP. Try not to stress.

CanIHaveADrink · 31/12/2019 08:47

Fwiw, after both my pregnancies, I weight exactly the same than before the pregnancy within a couple of weeks.

I did put some weight on after the dcs were born . A combination of PND, struggling on my own and living on biscuits.

But it’s not the pregnancy itself that ‘changed my body’.

LongLiveThePenis · 31/12/2019 08:51

Your baby will love your body so, so much. My children think my wobbly tummy is wonderful...

TARSCOUT · 31/12/2019 08:52

My sister was always curvy 12-14, perfectly healthly with decent shape. After first DC she went to size 8-10 without trying. Now a GM still the same, just can't put weight on
Who knows what will happen but you will be fine!

SVRT19674 · 31/12/2019 08:54

I was never overweight either during pregnancy or after. My tummy changed shape but nothing noticeable. Eat healthily, walk and keep active is the secret. If you stuff your face and sit on your backside for months, sure, worry cause your body will change.

Original poster

HighOnStilts · 31/12/2019 10:20

Thank you for an overwhelming response ladies! It's rather enlightening to say the least. I can't wait to meet my little girl! I'm going to give my body chance to heal and not stress about!
X

OP posts:

BestZebbie · 31/12/2019 11:56

Also - despite what you may see on Instagram, it is TOTALLY USUAL to still look 6 months pregnant for the week after the baby comes out. The front of your tummy is stretched out and takes a short time to pull itself back in, it is NOT ALL FAT.

PickAChew · 31/12/2019 11:59

Most women's bodies change when they have a baby, so if yours did (and it probably will) you will not be alone.

Moominfan · 31/12/2019 12:06

I found my relationship with my body improved. My body housed and cared for my little boy. Nourished him and helps him feel safe with cuddles. Fast forward to toddlerdom and he said very loudly in a swimming pool changing room what a big belly I have maybe it's time to do something.....

MinnieMountain · 31/12/2019 12:22

Maybe. But other things will probably change your body too. That's life.

Stickybeaksid · 31/12/2019 12:41

Your body will never look the same again but that’s life. Yes you can be as thin as you like but having a baby changes you.

Whatsername177 · 31/12/2019 13:28

Two children, three pregnancies and my body is different. My boobs are now fantastic (despite bf). I have a slimmer waist than my hips which are wider pp. I treat my awesome body to twice yearly spa days. I dress it in clothes that suit, not in fashion clothes. I rock a high waisted bikini on holiday. I eat well to nourish it and I exercise mildly. I'm a size 12. Before kids I was more of a 10, once I get back on track following Christmas I will be back as a 10-12. Do not stress, your body will respond to the way you treat it after your baby is born. It is amazing.

Grumpos · 31/12/2019 14:05

I was back exercising within 8 weeks (pissed myself a bit during star jumps mind )
My body looks pretty much the same as it ever did, my boobs a bit lower and bit more padding around the waist but those things can happen with age anyway and not necessarily baby related

I tore and had an episiotomy also, I’ve healed quite nicely and honestly it doesn’t feel or look any different now (18 mths on)

Yeah the day after delivery I caught sight of myself in a full length mirror as a got in the shower (who in a maternity ward thought that was a good idea????) and was horrified. You might freak out at first but remember it will take weeks for swelling and water to subside but you’ll be surprised how quickly you can feel normal again

Good luck!

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