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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly , say a little pissed off..

103 replies

lalalalala123456 · 30/12/2019 21:17

ok I just need to rant please..

Hubby made plans this morning to meet up with his friend to play a few games of pool at the local pub - absolutely great, go have a good time.. he promises me before he goes that he would have 3 beers and be home in time for Our 2 YO bedtime around 7pm.

7pm comes he isn’t home and he hasn’t called , I call him he said he is having too much of a great time and won’t be home until 9pm, a lot of noise in background during the phone call , I ask who he is with , he said a mix of women and men who have arrived.

9.15pm and he still isn’t home .. I go back to work tomorrow am at 7am and he has to be up watch our LO as he is currently unemployed due to redundancy.

Just seeing others opinions on how they would be feeling right at this very second , because I am feeling slightly pissed off.

OP posts:
GirlDownUnder · 30/12/2019 23:11

I don’t understand why he’d need to be there for your dc’s bedtime? Does it take two people to put him to bed?

No one asked him to be there, he promised to be there. Twice. Sheesh.

RaininSummer · 30/12/2019 23:19

I put up with this inconsiderate, selfish behaviour for far too long when my kids were small. If this is the first time he has acted like this, speak with him about it and dont let it become a thing. Hope he is fit for childcare duties and understands how thoughtless he has been.

Eslteacher06 · 30/12/2019 23:25

Oh I love the comments from those making out you must cut him some slack. Ignore them! It's about him going back on a promise. I'd be annoyed too!

And revel in his hangover tomorrow. It may make him think twice haha

NC4Now · 30/12/2019 23:30

I assume by the fact he thought he could pop out for 3 pints and be home at 7 that this isn’t a regular thing with this crowd.
If it’s a one-off it’s very different from someone who week in, week out, shirks their parenting duties and puts boozy sessions ahead of family.

Downton57 · 30/12/2019 23:44

There's a lot of projecting going on in this thread. Nowhere does the OP say this happens regularly. It's not the end of the world, surely, for an adult to stay out beyond their toddler's bedtime once in a blue moon. It's all very well to say he said he'd do something different, but maybe he's having a great time and changed his mind.

cafenoirbiscuit · 30/12/2019 23:51

I’d be cross.
But I’m a grumpy bollocks.

Wheresthebeach · 30/12/2019 23:56

I’d be cross as well. I bit late, sure no problem. Hours, not so much. Also you need to get to work tomorrow, so you want to get to bed, relaxed, not wondering when drunk DH is going to get home and if he’ll be fit to look after a toddler tomorrow. I wound’t mind if he’d come home at 9, but much later than that and I’d be very grumpy.

WeGoHigher · 31/12/2019 00:06

What if he literally cannot or will not get out of bed tomorrow? The OP can hardly leave her toddler to go to work without a care in the world, can she?

Ffs. Some posters on here. If it was a pissed up mother under discussion it'd be a whole different kettle of clichés.

TheBumbleBee · 31/12/2019 00:16

I would definitely find this annoying, especially if he still wasnt back at this time - 11 hours after going out. Even with a good meal and only one drink every hour or two while he's out, I would seriously doubt his ability to look after himself, let alone a 2 year old. If it takes an hour per unit to leave your system he could well still be drunk by 7am. Personally if my partner did this I'd lock the door and leave him to sober off outside when he finally gets home. If he says he'll be home at a certain time he should stick to it.

minielise · 31/12/2019 00:17

I would be annoyed because he has said the time he will be back. Everyone saying it doesn’t take 2 to put dc to bed, for all we know it could be the last evening of maternity and they were planning on watching a film together or something.

As he doesn’t work and you have work tomorrow I would expect him to be the one to get up during the night with your dc if necessary, obviously he won’t be in a fit state to do that!

Duckyneedsaclean · 31/12/2019 00:20

Wouldn't bother me.

If I was out I wouldn't expect my husband to insist I came home, or be pissed off of I wanted to stay out.

puds11 · 31/12/2019 00:34

Is he back?

LuluBellaBlue · 31/12/2019 00:38

I’d be worried about how good a day your son will have the following day with him.

RubyMeer · 31/12/2019 00:49

it may depend on how hard he is trying to get another job

NeckPainChairSearch · 31/12/2019 00:56

Nowhere does the OP say this happens regularly. It's not the end of the world, surely, for an adult to stay out beyond their toddler's bedtime once in a blue moon. It's all very well to say he said he'd do something different, but maybe he's having a great time and changed his mind

This. It happens. He might not even be drinking. Maybe he switched to soft drinks and is just enjoying the craic?

If it's a one-off, I wouldn't be too bothered.

MustShowDH · 31/12/2019 01:11

I'd be miffed, but the idea of him having to look after a 2 yr old with a hangover would placate me!

Make sure you're home late from work tomorrow too...

Fairenuff · 31/12/2019 01:13

I wouldn't have any problem with this at all provided that he didn't wake me when he got home. I'd just go to bed and leave him to it.

Unless there's more to this?

Zofloramummy · 31/12/2019 01:19

This was my ex to a tee. The next day he would lie about basically doing naff all and expecting his ds to entertain himself. It was pool with him too and a massive drinking culture. I got rid after 3 years of promising to change and far too much of my money (he was regularly unemployed) spent down the pub. Best thing I ever did.

Mumajoy · 31/12/2019 01:36

@Fairenuff I'm with you on that
I'd just go to bed
He's an adult and if he does òver do it tonight he will still have to manage tomorrow.
We've all done it at some point, gone out later than planned drank more that planned with commitments the next day.
If it's not the norm, no biggie

Weenurse · 31/12/2019 01:40

Is he home yet?

Coyoacan · 31/12/2019 04:35

Looking after a small child with a hangover is hell. Maybe he'll think twice about it next time.

Teabay · 31/12/2019 09:56

Did he ever return, OP?

DDiva · 31/12/2019 10:12

Tbh I would have said dont worry come back when you want as long as you remember you're looking after dc in tomorrow. We never give each other a curfew we're responsible enough to know when we want to go home. The fact you've mentioned the group hes with is both men and women suggests you have more trust issues than the time he is getting home......

WatchOutLurkerAbout · 31/12/2019 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purpleartichoke · 31/12/2019 22:17

If you didn’t have a child it would just be irksome. Since he agreed to be home at 7, he has left you as the solo point parent for longer than agreed and that is not ok.