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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this irresponsible and neglectful?

98 replies

LetUsHaveACupOfTea · 30/12/2019 15:35

Mil mentioned that she took dh on a 3 day car journey from the UK to an Eastern European country (still under soviet rule at the time) when he was 18 months old while he had measles. AIBU to think that's irresponsible and you don't make your sick child with measles travel for that long?

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 30/12/2019 15:43

It depends on the circumstances. How long ago was this? If he'd not had the measles vaccine then that was irresponsible. But if it was before the measles vaccine was available, then measles was just another childhood illness to be got through, along with chickenpox and mumps.

Why did they make the journey - what would have been the consequences of not making it?

It was likely that it was when there were a lot fewer cars on the roads, and no rules around car seats, so he may well have been lying in the car seat and as comfortable as if in bed.

My main memory of measles is absolute boredom. I'd have welcomed three days with ever changing scenery!

Rubyupbeat · 30/12/2019 15:43

I can't work out how they were able to travel into a Soviet ruled country? More interested in that, than the measles question.
Big part of the family are Lithuanian and most died never seeing their family again.

Original poster
LetUsHaveACupOfTea · 30/12/2019 15:43

Also the journey was for a holiday

OP posts:
andyjusthangingaround · 30/12/2019 15:43

Driving to CEE at least 30 odd years ago was probably not like going to Mauritius, more of a must.
You bringing this up now, indicates to me that you don’t like her much...Hmm

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 30/12/2019 15:43

I think the statute of limitations has passed on this one Grin

EndoShmendo · 30/12/2019 15:44

How many years ago was this and why are you het up about it now?

Original poster
LetUsHaveACupOfTea · 30/12/2019 15:45

It was in the 80s and people were allowed in at that point

OP posts:
Redglitter · 30/12/2019 15:45

Why on earth are you even giving this any thought after all this time Hmm

ZeroFuchsGiven · 30/12/2019 15:46

So what has Your MIL done to upset you? What is the real issue behind this post?

OceanSunFish · 30/12/2019 15:46

OP, this sounds a bit like you are using any excuse to disapprove of your MIL? This was so many years ago and you probably don't know all the details. Let it go.

Rubyupbeat · 30/12/2019 15:46

@LetUsHaveACupOfTea ah, thought it was before.

QueenOfTheFae · 30/12/2019 15:47

You're worrying about something from nearly 40 years ago? Fucking hell.

What else is going on? Is she saying that she cant see why you wont take your dc ins car without a seat or something like that?

TheMustressMhor · 30/12/2019 15:47

I think you're just desperately dredging up stuff from the past with which to dislike your MIL. Not sure why.

Lllot5 · 30/12/2019 15:47

All a bit irrelevant now really.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 30/12/2019 15:47

Are you just looking for a reason to call your MIL irresponsible and neglectful?

APatchyTomCat · 30/12/2019 15:48

Have you considered calling Social Services?

Original poster
LetUsHaveACupOfTea · 30/12/2019 15:48

It wasn't a must it was a holiday and to see distant relatives (third cousin level).
Bringing it up because I think she is a neglectful narcissist who only cares about what she wants and I don't trust her one bit with my child's wellbeing.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 30/12/2019 15:48

I wouldn't dwell on it

Dipsydoodle · 30/12/2019 15:49

Does it matter? Previous generations will all have done stuff we wouldn't now. And our kids will be horrified at some of the stuff we do now I'm sure. That's life.

madeyemoodysmum · 30/12/2019 15:49

Is was 40 years ago!

If you don't trust her then don't let her have your son.

JKScot4 · 30/12/2019 15:50

I also think it’s best not to judge until you’ve successfully raised perfect offspring.
There were very little precious parents until about the past 10 years and surprisingly we survived 🤣🙄

Dipsydoodle · 30/12/2019 15:50

I wouldn't be basing my decision on whether to leave my child with someone on one thing they did 40 years ago! If you don't trust her because of what she does now then that's enough.

choli · 30/12/2019 15:51

OP I think you need to get over yourself.

ALLMYSmellySocks · 30/12/2019 15:51

Can't decide whether it was that bad in historical context but either way it was definitely not bad enough to dwell on 30 years later.

Thesearmsofmine · 30/12/2019 15:51

It was a long time ago and people did things then that we wouldn’t do now..