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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this irresponsible and neglectful?

98 replies

LetUsHaveACupOfTea · 30/12/2019 15:35

Mil mentioned that she took dh on a 3 day car journey from the UK to an Eastern European country (still under soviet rule at the time) when he was 18 months old while he had measles. AIBU to think that's irresponsible and you don't make your sick child with measles travel for that long?

OP posts:
HanginWithMyGnomies · 30/12/2019 15:51

Clutching at straws a bit @LetUsHaveACupOfTea. It’s really none of your business anyway!

APatchyTomCat · 30/12/2019 15:52

Different times.

My mum is a doting, loving, trustworthy grandparent but she didn’t half squirm when my dad reminded her that she used to breastfeed us with a cup of tea and a fag!

Camomila · 30/12/2019 15:52

If he was 18m old he may not have been that ill if he still had some immunity from his DM (who probably had childhood measles).

DS got chicken pox while still breastfeeding and only had a handful of spots as he had my immunity. (Then he got it again properly age 3.)

gamerchick · 30/12/2019 15:53

It's quite a stretch to delve into that long ago as a reason to dislike your MIL OP. Even by Mumsnet standards. Bravo Grin

GiveHerHellFromUs · 30/12/2019 15:54

If you don't trust her around your child that's fine.
But bringing up an incident from 40 years ago as your only justification would suggest she's actually not neglectful and you just don't like her.

OkayGo · 30/12/2019 15:55

I think you’re really reaching there op!!

YellowJellyfish · 30/12/2019 15:55

I used to smoke while my breastfeeding my DD does that make a selfish narcissistic mother?

Oh wait it was in the 80s and we had no idea about secondary smoke.

Jeees you really don't like your MIL

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 30/12/2019 15:55

Nothing bad happened so why does it matter? My right eyebrow is raised right now

FairytaleofButlins · 30/12/2019 15:57

If that's all you can find and you don't get on well at all, I am guessing the problem is YOU.

PaperbackBlighter · 30/12/2019 15:59

Hope you’re being a perfect parent, OP, as your future DIL may not even be born yet, but she’ll be going through everything you did with a fine-tooth comb in 2059.

WelcomeToShootingStars · 30/12/2019 16:01

Christ, you're not half grasping here.

I'm assuming your DH was absolutely fine, and had 3 days of sleeping and resting.

Are you concerned she'll take your child on a 3 day car journey when they have measles? Honestly you're being ridiculous.

Nicknacky · 30/12/2019 16:01

Ok, just don’t let her drive any ill children you have to an Eastern European country then. Problem solved.

Original poster
LetUsHaveACupOfTea · 30/12/2019 16:01

FairytaleofButlins I could write a book about her behaviour

OP posts:
iklboo · 30/12/2019 16:04

But what she did 40 years ago isn't relevant now. My parents smoked heavily around me, gave me alcohol at Christmas, went to the pub when I was in bed with next door 'keeping an ear out'.

MadameLeFunky · 30/12/2019 16:07

Bringing it up because I think she is a neglectful narcissist who only cares about what she wants and I don't trust her one bit with my child's wellbeing.

Maybe she is but if the best example you have is 40 years old then perhaps you're trying too hard to make the evidence fit?

I8toys · 30/12/2019 16:09

Why is this an issue now?

NewName73 · 30/12/2019 16:11

So tired of these endless MIL hating threads ....

Nicknacky · 30/12/2019 16:11

My dad denies to this day that he and my mum left my sister and I in a caravan while they went to the park pub. My sister fell out the bunk bed and cut her head and I had to go look for them.

We laugh about it and guess what? I trust him to babysit and not do that.

mumwon · 30/12/2019 16:12

my parents sent us to the shop to get....cigarettes (dnext us sister & have never smoked maybe that's what turned us off) we survived.

Astrabees · 30/12/2019 16:13

I'm in my 60's. in the days before vaccination for what we called "childhood illnesses" Mumps, measles, rubella and chicken pox, most of us contracted them at some point, you couldn't avoid it. We just carried on as normally as we could until we were better.

Skolkolet · 30/12/2019 16:14

Call the police.

MitziK · 30/12/2019 16:14

The Measles vaccination was available in the mid 1970s, so to have a child with Measles in the 1980s already suggests she was an antivaxxer neglectful.

Going on a roadtrip with a kid pales in comparison.

Original poster
LetUsHaveACupOfTea · 30/12/2019 16:15

There are obviously less examples when dh is older and an adult. Are I don't trust her with my young dc for their to be many examples of her narcissist neglectful behaviour.
When he was a young teenager she would tell my dh they might not be able to pay the bills and end up homeless while still going out and buying expensive luxuries. She pretended he didn't exist and didn't speak a word to him for 3 weeks because he would not get a certain weekend job. She tried to sabotage me breastfeeding. Many many more examples

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 30/12/2019 16:16

He would probably have just laid down on the back seat of the car. Obviously highly dangerous if they crashed, and illegal today.

But the motion of the car would have kept him asleep and he would have constantly had an adult with him to give him fluids.

She probably couldn't even telephone the distant relative they were visiting. Things were different in those days.

But if you don't like your MIL, and are concerned about her actions these days, of course limit her contact to your own DC.

Bluerussian · 30/12/2019 16:19

Your husband is still alive to hear the tale, that's what matters. I doubt he was at the beginning of the illness, more likely recovering and quite warm in a car.

I had measles as a child and wasn't particularly ill. Lots of us did. Of course it is dangerous, each case is different.

ikiboo above said her parents smoked around her - my dad smoked like a chimney where we all sat in the evening watching TV. Things were different years ago.

Please try not to be so judgemental, it's unkind.