Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to a party where I’m expected to get drunk?

52 replies

Uninvited01 · 30/12/2019 10:32

My friend holds a yearly party at their house in January. There are always loads of people, music, food and alcohol. It’s an unwritten rule that you aren’t allowed home unless you’re off your face drunk. I’ve been for the last several years and when I was younger would fully throw myself into them, have a few drinks and a laugh and spend the next day feeling awful. I’m older now, and rarely drink. When I do, it’s 1-2 drinks at most and I have no desire to be drunk. I went to this party last year, had 2 drinks and left at 10pm, pretty much sober. It was pretty boring because everyone else was drunk and I was being questioned as to why I wasn’t drinking and pressured into drinking more I.e my glass being filled up when I hadn’t even asked for it to be. I’m thinking of not going at all this year but I feel like a boring party pooper for not going.

YABU - just go and not drink
YANBU - stay at home!

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 30/12/2019 10:34

That sounds horrible - even if you wanted to get drunk, that kind of pressure to conform just sounds juvenile at best, creepy and controlling at worst. Sod that, OP!

northernknickers · 30/12/2019 10:36

You're an adult...you can say no!

EL2019 · 30/12/2019 10:41

Your friends sound very immature.

SusanneLinder · 30/12/2019 10:41

I'd stay and not drink. I would hate the pressure to get drunk, however if I was likely to get bored ( drunk people are mainly annoying ), then I wouldn't bother.
I could drink most people under the table 20 years ago, now I hardly drink as it makes me feel sick and I hate hangovers, so one or two is my limit.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 30/12/2019 10:43

I didn't vote because it really depends just how uncomfortable you feel. Are you the kind of person who can tell pushy people to fuck off? Because that should shut them down, but I appreciate that some people would feel really uncomfortable being so blunt.

I don't drink at all. Ever. I've found that people who make a big fuss over other people not drinking tend to have booze problems themselves.

Why do people have to do this? In AA we call NYE "amateur night". Xmas Grin

doxxed · 30/12/2019 10:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 30/12/2019 10:48

I recently went to an event when I wasn’t drinking and it really felt odd being the only sober one around trashed people. I didn’t have an awful time, but it has made me think about how much I drink. If you think you’ll be bored or just be pressured to drink all night (or both), do yourself a favour and don’t go.

Spanglemum · 30/12/2019 10:49

I've got some friends like this. Like PPs, I used to be a bit drinker but I can't cope with.more than one or two now. The hangovers are horrendous nowadays and I've got too much to do to lay in bed all day. I don't know what you drink but is it easier to drink something not in a glass that can't be topped up? I'd probably go for a few hours and not drink much. You don't have to justify why you're not drinking. 'i don't want to' is explanation enough.

ForkThis · 30/12/2019 10:52

Grow up and say no. Have your 1 or 2 drinks if you wish or don’t. Honestly, how is this even a thing?

letsdolunch321 · 30/12/2019 10:52

How immature expecting people to get drunk 🥴

It would be a no show from me.

ForalltheSaints · 30/12/2019 10:54

Don't go. If you feel unable to say the real reason why, pretend you are not well or some other excuse.

Patsypie · 30/12/2019 10:57

Sounds a bit pathetic tbh.

DesignedForLife · 30/12/2019 10:59

YANBU. Drunk people are really boring to be around.

Drum2018 · 30/12/2019 10:59

Stay home. I don't drink anymore and I find drunk people intolerable. I can just imagine what people thought of me a few years ago Grin. If it's not your scene anymore then you are better off not going. I certainly wouldn't be arsed and I wouldn't make any apology for it.

Rezie · 30/12/2019 11:01

If you don't want to go, then don't go. But of the only reason you don't want to go is because you're worried about being a partypooper then go, don't drink, keep your ground and still have fun.

northernknickers · 30/12/2019 11:02

This is an 'adult exchange' between me and my best friend this morning, about our arrangements for tomorrow. You'll see it's barely even 'a thing'. Not even an ounce of pressure to drink! Nothing was mentioned when I said I wasn't planning to do so. We are a big crowd, around 25 of us, all meeting up in town for dinner tomorrow evening, then going on to a club...most of them will be drinking I guess, although it's not even something we would discuss, because you know, we are adults 🤷‍♀️

To not go to a party where I’m expected to get drunk?
Clarinet1 · 30/12/2019 11:06

Sounds to me as though you have moved on and your friends haven't. If they are people you get on with in other ways though, there is nothing wrong with saying you'll give this one a miss or just not turning up (if they are that drunk will they even remember whether you were there?) and you'll see them for what ever else you like to do together another time.

Zaphodsotherhead · 30/12/2019 11:15

There is nothing more boring and childish than the behaviour of very drunk people when you are sober.

If you really want to go, go, watch your drink (someone might think it's 'funny' to spike it) and just have a couple. But if you think the behaviour will degenerate to where it really isn't fun any more, either don't go or leave before that point.

Drinking to get drunk is a young person's game. Once the hangovers reach two-day proportions, it's time to stop.

diddl · 30/12/2019 11:19

Would it be a lot of effort to go & give it a try?

Although that didn't work last year, so might be best to give it a miss.

Bit on the fence, sorry!

Skittlesandbeer · 30/12/2019 11:23

Someone in every friends group needs to be the first to grow up.

Provide that service by telling them the truth. That you actually like their company so prefer to catch up when they aren’t trying to obliterate their personalities with drink.

Or wuss out and tell them you’re on serious meds for something you’d prefer not to talk about, so can’t drink/won’t come and spoil their fun.

HunnyMummy1993 · 30/12/2019 11:24

This is honestly one of the few advantages of being a known sufferer of crippling migraines. I (very) occasionally deploy a strategic migraine. You could always try it....

Turn up in the car, and say ‘sorry, I woke up with aura this morning, and I absolutely cannot drink, otherwise I’ll be floored for days‘

Only a complete fuckwit would challenge that

ReanimatedSGB · 30/12/2019 11:31

As PP have said, if you think you won't enjoy the party, don't go - invent a tummy bug or a hot date or something. However, if you want to stay friends with these people, do NOT tell them that you are not going because, boohoo, they all drink too much and you are a grown-up now and don't like it.

Jaxhog · 30/12/2019 11:34

Turn up in the car, and say ‘sorry, I woke up with aura this morning, and I absolutely cannot drink, otherwise I’ll be floored for days‘

Why does anyone NEED an excuse not to drink? (Sorry about your migraines hunnymummy). Friends should respect that.

If you think you'll enjoy their company - go. If not - don't go.

lovemenorca · 30/12/2019 11:39

How old are you OP?

recklessruby · 30/12/2019 11:39

Tbh it sounds like a hellish initiation ceremony we used to do in 6th form! The one turning 18 would have to get so drunk they threw up. Gross in retrospect.
I m often the driver and have been so bored in my drunk friends company I cant wait to go home.
I ll go out and have a few drinks but not to get hammered as I hate the hangovers.
Yanbu to say no.
How old are you all? Dd is 25 and still gets hammered. Ds is 31 and really suffers if he has too much.