To not go to a party where I’m expected to get drunk?

[Uninvited01]

My friend holds a yearly party at their house in January. There are always loads of people, music, food and alcohol. It’s an unwritten rule that you aren’t allowed home unless you’re off your face drunk. I’ve been for the last several years and when I was younger would fully throw myself into them, have a few drinks and a laugh and spend the next day feeling awful. I’m older now, and rarely drink. When I do, it’s 1-2 drinks at most and I have no desire to be drunk. I went to this party last year, had 2 drinks and left at 10pm, pretty much sober. It was pretty boring because everyone else was drunk and I was being questioned as to why I wasn’t drinking and pressured into drinking more I.e my glass being filled up when I hadn’t even asked for it to be. I’m thinking of not going at all this year but I feel like a boring party pooper for not going.

YABU - just go and not drink
YANBU - stay at home!

Stay home! The party sounds awful.

Being the only sober person where everyone else is getting off their face is incredibly tedious. They always think they're so clever and witty, which makes it even worse. I'm surprised more of your friends haven't moved beyond this.

It’s an unwritten rule that you aren’t allowed home unless you’re off your face drunk

I'm curious as to how this actually works in practice. Is it just Mrs Dolyle style "go on, go on" nagging for you tl a drink or do they literally try to prevent you from leaving until they feel you've drunk enough? It's just bizarre. I would have thought most people would be having too much fun at a party to be keeping tabs on how much others are drinking. Would anyone really notice if you switch to soft drinks after the first couple of drinks?

It is never, ever fun to be the only person in a room full of drunk people, and drunk people do not simply stop nagging you to have a drink - because they are pissed, they have no inhibitions and they are really annoying!

I wouldn't go, personally.

Why not give it a miss, plan something else nice for yourself to do/watch/eat at home. Start off 2020 without a hangover! I'd hate "having to get drunk" too, ppl like that are a pain!

I wouldn’t even want to be friends with anyone who behaved like this it’s stupid, juvenile and dangerous. Don’t go, and don’t apologise.

Just don't go! I missed a Christmas pub crawl for the same reason. I knew it would end up with everyone drunk and one particular person in tears, and you know who wasn't going to be the sober glue holding all that together? Me.

I haven't done that sort of party willingly since I was about 30. I'm 47 now and will be staying at home as will DH. We're happily middle aged!

Plenty of our mates still drink to excess though....don't know how they do it! They know we don't like it nowadays though and never pressurise us.

I don't drink and experience the same thing. Been to many different events (particularly NYE) and everyone is drunk and trying to force drinks on me. When I say I don't drink, you get the usual replies "Just have one". I was at an NYE party once and got really pissed off. The host tried to force a glass of champagne in my hand. I said no, I don't drink (which she knows). She then got pissed off and had a go at me and said everyone has to drink champagne at midnight.

I wouldn't go. If they want to get drunk, then that's up to them but I drink little and find the company of very drunk people boring so wouldn't have a good time

I also hate it when people pressure others to drink. I don't see why they feel the need to try and force alcohol upon others. If they want to get extremely drunk, thats their choice, if someone else doesn't, that's their choice also.

I went to out a friend and some of her friends who I don't know. We were all having a good time until one kept buying shots and trying to force me and another girl to drink them. I stood firm and kept saying no, but then I felt I had caused an atmosphere cos I got quite stern. Don't see why I'm in the wrong for refusing to drink more alcohol than I want!

Tell them you’re on meds not feeling the best and can’t drink. Take the car and leave when they annoy you too much saying you’re still not feeling well and need to go home.

Take bottles of beer or whatever with you and drink those. People can’t easily see what’s left in them so you can nurse one for ages. And when they ask if you need another beer say ‘still on this one thanks’ and later say “I just got this one it’s still full thanks”.

Or man up and go as usual and tell them no you don’t want a top up thanks. And if they insist go to the toilet and pour most of it down the loo.

Or don’t go and enjoy an evening alone watching a good film.

I bet you aren't the only party guest who opts not to drink excessively. People tend to calm down the older and wiser they get, and the desire to get so hammered all inhibitions (and most of one's gut contents) go out of the window become a dim and distant memory.

I have a regular NYE house party for a few friends and family, some people prefer not to drink, some opt not to and the rest of us will have a few glasses of wine. No-one gets drunk to the point of oblivion.

Don't allow yourself to be persuaded to do something you are uncomfortable with.

Tell them you're a recovering alcoholic? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Or just tell them to mind their own fucking business and let you enjoy your night the way you want to? They're only doing it to make themselves feel better about themselves.

If you want to see the people, then go. But your migraines are getting worse as you get older, aren't they?

I don’t see why you should go at all if it’s not really what you want to do.

@lovemenorca I’m early 30s

Sounds like a party for 18 year olds. If i was told i had to get drunk I'd tell them to fuck right off. Strange behaviour. I hate all this forced drinking just because its Christmas and New Year. I wouldn't go.

I voted stay home because you sound like a party bore. You can go, not drink and have fun whilst not judging others for their drunken states, after all it was you once, but you sound too judgmental. So stay put.

1. Come down with "explosive D&V" and stay home.
2. Tell them you're taking anti-biotics - not allowed to drink then.

Or just be honest.

I do think that some non-drinkers have only got themselves to blame if their friends try to persuade them to have a glass of wine and unclench a bit. If you are forever banging on about how much better life is without alcohol (when they didn't actually ask for your opinion), or monitoring how much other people drink and suggesting they need help or should slow down, then you are the tiresome guest and tedious friend who needs to get your head out of your arse and grow up.
I'm quite used to socialising in groups where some people drink quite a bit, some drink very little and some don't drink at all. We don't whine and pester one another about our choices because we are not idiots.

I think a person who has chosen not to drink because they are either a problem drinker or a potential alcoholic (is there a difference?) should never be harangued into having a drink because they're being BORING!

@Jumpi and @ReanimatedSGB - the OP did not imply that she was going around being holier than thou about drink or being boring. She implied she wanted to have a good time and that her choice to not drink and enjoy the party was being disrespected. I don’t think your advice was helpful. She is not attacking your alcoholic choices you know!

I drink, I love a drink. I enjoy getting drunk.

What I don't enjoy is pressure to get drunk, or to drink. It doesn't sound like fun at all.

@ReanimatedSGB, where on earth do you get the idea that OP intends to spend her time moralising about drinking and monitoring what her friends drink? Do you really think that is all that non-drinkers can talk about? If so, you have some strange friends.

Either don’t go or stay for an hour or so with the pretext of needing to leave because of ( whatever.)