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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have upset DS

64 replies

2020herenearly · 30/12/2019 10:02

Ds has a Thing about accents and asks people where they are from.

Was it unreasonable of me to tell him to stop it (he thinks I am) or not

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 30/12/2019 10:05

How old is he? Who is he asking (complete strangers?) and how does he ask (e.g. tone)?

endofthelinefinally · 30/12/2019 10:05

It depends how he asks. I am very interested in accents and I do ask people where they are from. Politely. I don't think I have offended anyone. It usually results in an interesting conversation. Most people don't mind someone else showing an interest in them.

my2bundles · 30/12/2019 10:05

How old is ds?

Original poster
2020herenearly · 30/12/2019 10:07

He’s 22.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 30/12/2019 10:08

22? What’s wrong with enquiring about a persons accent? Loads of people are from different countries, it’s not something they hide. Most people are proud of where they come from and happy to talk about it.

I say this as someone in a different country and sound different - people ask - no problem

PennyGold · 30/12/2019 10:09

I don't think it's rude to ask where someone's accent is from at all? It generates conversation, I'll happily tell someone where my accent if from.

PianoTuner567 · 30/12/2019 10:09

As long as he does it politely, can’t see the issue.

AvaSnowdrop · 30/12/2019 10:12

I don’t see the problem with asking where someone’s accent is from? You’re just taking an interest in them.

SandyY2K · 30/12/2019 10:13

It depends how it's done. Ppl ask where my accent is from. Or often say they can hear an accent... I'm never offended. It's not a north west regional accent, that doesn't come through straight away.

NataliaOsipova · 30/12/2019 10:16

I think it’s something that needs to be approached with care! Having “an accent” isn’t always seen to be desirable and some people may be touchy about it effectively being pointed out that they don’t speak “properly”. That said, saying politely to someone - eg - obviously Scottish - “I’m trying to place your accent - which part of Scotland are you from?” would probably be fine, whereas saying “Oooh, you have an accent!” to someone with an estuary twang could be seen as very rude.

Tombliwho · 30/12/2019 10:17

It depends.. is he polite? Can he stop? My son has autism and it's a work in progress getting him stop pointing out characteristics of people. There's no intent there, he just says what he sees. He is getting better though, slowly.
If you DS is being deliberately rude I can see the problem but if not yabu

BobblyRash · 30/12/2019 10:17

I live in an area I'm not originally from and I'm constantly asked where I'm from. The only time it bothers me is when that person mocks my accent and repeatedly trying to copy it and laughing at how 'weird' or 'funny' I say things. And constantly asking me to "say that again!" like I'm some kind of performing parrot.

If he's just enquiring and is genuinely interested then YABU

But if he goes on to do as I've described the YANBU

LouLouLoupee · 30/12/2019 10:17

Surely it’s just a conversation starter.
Shows you’ve been listening to someone you’ve met and are interested in learning more about them.
DH is Irish but lived in Scotland so long it now sounds like an island accent. People ask about it all the time, he quite enjoys it.

Brefugee · 30/12/2019 10:31

it's a tricky one.

EU nationals i know in the UK have had this leading up to "fuck off back there, then"

mbosnz · 30/12/2019 10:34

I get people asking me if I'm from Aussie all the time, doesn't worry me - but there's that moment of panic in their eyes when I tell them I'm from New Zealand, as they seem to think I'm likely to toss my toys at them having got the accents confused, lol.

Cherrysoup · 30/12/2019 10:43

Odd. I’m also interested in accents as a language teacher. I’m forever asking people where they’re from. I don’t think it’s rude, people love talking about themselves.

KatherineJaneway · 30/12/2019 10:50

Depends how he asks. Is he polite to people when he asks?

Camomila · 30/12/2019 10:57

Brefugee A man I was chatting to at the bus stop asked me where my accent was from, I said Italy and he said 'I would have guessed Bristol' Grin

As long as he's polite I don't mind being asked about my accent.

IsolaPribby · 30/12/2019 11:01

Surely at 22 he will soon figure out if he is getting positive or negative responses?

LEELULUMPKIN · 30/12/2019 11:01

I travel a lot and am constantly asked where my accent is from. I love it, then again I like talking to people.

Brefugee · 30/12/2019 11:06

@mbosnz a NZ friend once said to me that if i guess NZ instead of AUS every time I'll never be wrong because Aussies don't care but someone from NZ would be happy someone remembered their country exists (the two are not that similar though - i only know that because of said NZ friend). Canadians friends have said similar when asking if people are from the States.

@Camomila - I LOVE it when that happens to me. I was in deepest Bavaria once and someone from a town close to where i lived identified me as an "ally" in a sea of Bavarians. So cool.

WeirdPookah · 30/12/2019 11:10

People ask me that often. I live in the North and have a Southern accent. I never take offence. Even getting comments like people saying "posh". If he is polite and honestly curious then do people take offence often?

Devereux1 · 30/12/2019 11:17

Hmm What on earth is wrong with asking someone about their accent?

Elieza · 30/12/2019 11:20

There was a thread on here ages ago where people were saying it was bad to ask about accents and they would be offended if someone asked them. It was quite strongly suggesting do not ask under any circs. I was surprised by it but if that’s how we do things these days... don’t notice any difference between anybody ever in age, skin colour, body size or shape, hairstyle, makeup, accent whatever.

ChrisPrattsFace · 30/12/2019 11:34

I get asked about my accent daily. I’m very northern (as in Cumbria - not Manchester which is fake north) and don’t live that far from where I grew up.
It’s never offended me before!