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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have upset DS

64 replies

2020herenearly · 30/12/2019 10:02

Ds has a Thing about accents and asks people where they are from.

Was it unreasonable of me to tell him to stop it (he thinks I am) or not

OP posts:
FishCanFly · 30/12/2019 11:35

There was a thread on here ages ago where people were saying it was bad to ask about accents and they would be offended if someone asked them

It was my thread i guess. Its not offensive, its just very awkward. I don't want to tell where i'm from to a stranger. I don't know what his intentions are. I don't know if he's a curious linguist, or a racist arsehole.

bettybattenburg · 30/12/2019 11:37

I'd rather be asked outright than have people asking if I'm Australian or a South African.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 30/12/2019 11:41

I'm with Bobby I live in an area that's not known for people moving out of it Hmm and I come from about a hundred miles away. Despite living here for about 30 years, since I came here for uni, and therefore not being broad-accented people occasionally suggest they can't understand what I'm saying, and imitate my 'Oop North' accent. Quite offensive. If they just asked, conversationally, that would be fine.

chamenanged · 30/12/2019 11:43

I’m very northern (as in Cumbria - not Manchester which is fake north)

What a weird, chippy thing to say.

Lordfrontpaw · 30/12/2019 11:45

‘Where’s your accent from’ is fine, why not?
‘Your English is pretty good’ or ‘when did you come here?’ is not!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 30/12/2019 11:48

Chris snap! Xmas Grin I do suspect that people believe it's ok to take the wee from Cumbrians though...

EssentialHummus · 30/12/2019 11:52

I don’t mind it at all, speaking as a foreigner in the UK - though I get a lot of “Are you German? Are you Scottish?” (I’m South African.)

WhiskersPete · 30/12/2019 11:52

YABU he's 22. YABU also because what's wrong with asking someone about their accent?

Lordfrontpaw · 30/12/2019 11:52

I particularly enjoy
‘Oh I hear and accent... is it from x?’
‘No, y actually’
‘Oh where exactly? My granny’s friend is from Y(radius of 30 miles’
‘You really wouldn’t know it’
‘No go on...’
‘Ok, so it’s called... fbdiekshdisenwidicejiwfnfoch...’
‘Whaaaaa?’

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 30/12/2019 11:56

Unless he's being rude, l don't understand it. Plus how many people with different accents do you encounter?

Lordfrontpaw · 30/12/2019 11:59

And as long as he realises that some people do get offended when asked and could be rude.

MoonlightBonnet · 30/12/2019 12:03

Is he only asking people of colour or something? If it’s a shorthand for racism YANBU. If he’s interested in the differences between Wolverhampton and Birmingham accents, YABU.

snowball28 · 30/12/2019 12:03

It depends, I’m northern and have a broad Yorkshire accent. This has been mocked and called common many times so I’d probably be a little suspicious if someone asked or commented on it.

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2019 12:05

Nowhere near enough information OP

Like why did you tell him to stop? Confused

churchandstate · 30/12/2019 12:06

Why is it up to you whether he does it? But I can see that it could be either polite or rude, depending on a bunch of factors.

SophieSong · 30/12/2019 12:09

What is his ‘thing’ about accents? Does he judge people based on where they’re from or is he just curious?

PositiveVibez · 30/12/2019 12:10

I’m very northern (as in Cumbria - not Manchester which is fake north)

What a weird, chippy thing to say

I also thought it was a very strange thing to say. Hostile almost.

Manchester is North West anyway and I'm from the North West and would never say I was Northern. It even fake Northern 😂

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 30/12/2019 12:13

I sometimes do that! A man from Northern Ireland apologised for his DDs in Sainsbury's a few days ago, and I said, "Sorry for being nosy, I have family from Co Down, whereabouts are you from?"

Dollymixture22 · 30/12/2019 12:16

As long as he asks in a polite way, surely it’s good to show an interest in people?

Not sure what the issue is?

Minky35 · 30/12/2019 12:25

I’m very northern (as in Cumbria - not Manchester which is fake north)

What a weird, chippy thing to say.

Yes very odd, what have us Mancunians ever done to you?
I’m not too bothered as you’re wrong anyway Grin

Tableclothing · 30/12/2019 12:26

I get asked about my accent a lot. (Weird mix of three regional accents so I'm hard to place).

It's not offensive, but it is pretty tedious, having to explain myself all the time. People usually follow up with further questions about how I acquired the accent which usually goes on for longer than either of us could want and isn't particularly interesting.

The most irritating version is when people ask where I'm from and then refuse to believe the answer.

chamenanged · 30/12/2019 12:38

A man from Northern Ireland apologised for his DDs in Sainsbury's a few days ago, and I said, "Sorry for being nosy, I have family from Co Down, whereabouts are you from?"

I'm Scottish and my boyfriend is northern Irish, we live in England. We know English people mean well when they say stuff like this and we're always nice and friendly about it but he'd have literally nothing to say about County Down, nor do I have anything to say about Aberdeen, for example, when people mention it to me - I've never been there! So it leads to an awkward pause in conversation while I try to think of something, which is quite an annoying position to be put in in Sainsbury's. It's a bit like telling someone from Leicester that you've family in Newcastle.

Itsigginingtolookalotlikexmas · 30/12/2019 12:44

Ah see I'm from NI and am always happy to discuss it with strangers - it's nice people have heard of the place! (Unless they follow up with some comment about Rangers or Celtic, obviously!)

ohprettybaby · 30/12/2019 12:50

It wouldn't bother me.

Anyway, he's 22, an adult, you should not be policing his language. If he offends anyone then they can tell him. Some would see it as taking an interest.

WeGoHigh · 30/12/2019 12:51

More info needed here OP. Whether it’s ok or not is completely dependent on how he’s asking and in what situation. Is it done to mock or to make conversation? I have a broad northern accent and never mind being asked where I’m from. I do mind when people then think it’s funny to impersonate me.