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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was she ungrateful or was I inconsiderate?

99 replies

montmatre · 30/12/2019 08:06

My sister and I share an Amazon Prime account. Yesterday was her birthday so I decided to take inspiration from her Amazon browsing history. I ended up spending £250+ on her gifts. She guessed what I had done and told me it was a bit "uninspired" but she was happy with what she had been given. Tbh I did take the time to consider which items she would like best and they were wrapped beautifully. I also decorated her living room and arranged a decent meal. AIBU?

OP posts:

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 30/12/2019 09:26

Next year a box of Milk Tray and some soap (Tesco Value range).

ravenmum · 30/12/2019 09:27

If you share the account then presumably she saw everything you'd bought and knew what it was long before she opened the present? Maybe she was finding it hard to act surprised. Still rude, obviously.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 30/12/2019 09:32

Uninspired?

Next definitely give her inspired. Give her shit she never new she needed. Loving the Pat Butcher clock. Can you get a calendar to go with that?

FishCanFly · 30/12/2019 09:33

what did you buy her?
My amazon list contains all sorts of random crap, that i look up for price comparison or because someone else asked me to, or stuff for work.
I wouldn't be amused to get that for my birthday, even if it is pricey

scubadive · 30/12/2019 09:34

At first when I read this. I thought how awful of your sister, especially since you decorated the house and organised a meal. But the more I think about it, spending £250 on a joint Amazon account where she can see what has been bought, for a special birthday is both careless and inconsiderate. For that sort of money I think she would have preferred for you to go and choose her something special yourself, maybe a nice piece of jewellery or a watch. It sounds like you bought here a bunch of stuff that came to £250, maybe she wanted one special gift and a surprise.

I can see both points of view but she could have expressed herself differently. I think is what she meant by uninspiring.

lowlandLucky · 30/12/2019 09:44

Why the heck are you spending £250 on your Sisters birthday presents ?

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/12/2019 09:49

I’d be inspired to return them now too. Cheeky cow.

Interestedwoman · 30/12/2019 09:55

YANBU! What more does she want?

ohwheniknow · 30/12/2019 09:56

spending £250 on a joint Amazon account where she can see what has been bought, for a special birthday is both careless and inconsiderate. For that sort of money I think she would have preferred for you to go and choose her something special yourself, maybe a nice piece of jewellery or a watch. It sounds like you bought here a bunch of stuff that came to £250, maybe she wanted one special gift and a surprise.

Exactly. Gifts are supposed to be about the thought and care that goes into them but this was thoughtless and careless.

Love51 · 30/12/2019 10:01

Gifts are supposed to be given and received with grace! Sister was rude.
I've never understood whinging about gifts after the event - it's designed to make the giver feel shite.
My guess is that it is op's significant birthday in 11 months and she doesn't want to admit that the op did something cool that she has to live up to.

foodandwine89 · 30/12/2019 10:06

She was rude and I think you had a good idea. I don’t think it’s thoughtless at all. Even if she doesn’t like the gifts, she’s supposed to say thank you and move on. That’s what adults do.

Wildorchidz · 30/12/2019 10:07

It’s all a bit weird.

fedup21 · 30/12/2019 10:08

What did you get her though?!

Okbutno · 30/12/2019 10:11

That's really ungrateful. Unless her history was all household appliances etc.

Notodontidae · 30/12/2019 10:20

I tend to agree with scubadive, the problem is two-fold. firstly, the amount you spent, was too high, and would not be reciprocated by your sister, and secondly buying presents can be a surprise, but it also takes away the receiver’s decision to warrant such an expense. I often get given a hamper full of food for Christmas, I am expected to thank the bearer of the gift profusely for it, although it is often full of food I do not choose to eat. Your sister may have wanted to do the decorating with you. YABU, for good, but unfortunately unwise misguided reasons.

bluesteakandcheese · 30/12/2019 10:21

@montmatre despite me thinking you spent an absolutrly ridiculous amount on your sister it sounds like you put a lot of thought into your gifts. I personally would be thrilled if someone did this for me! It's your sister who IBU not you. She should be more grateful!

BlueJava · 30/12/2019 10:22

Why not return the choices she found "uninspiring" and save some cash. She sounds ungrateful so scale back in future.

Dipsydoodle · 30/12/2019 10:24

You can share Prime with households. We only have one Prime account and two accounts linked to it (mine and DH). Not sure how it works with different addresses.

The whole thing is a bit weird really as she will have gotten emails saying what had been bought which I'd find a bit strange for a birthday but she was also ungrateful for her comments.

Dipsydoodle · 30/12/2019 10:25

Actually I see now you didn't necessarily buy them on Amazon so ignore me!

fedup21 · 30/12/2019 10:26

This AIBU depends completely on what you bought!!

nzborn · 30/12/2019 10:28

I'd be so uninspired next year l absolutely couldn't think of what to get her ( snigger )

Cherrysoup · 30/12/2019 10:28

Next year, get her a Baylis and Harding set. She’s a bloody rude cow. I’d be asking for the whole lot back.

LonginesPrime · 30/12/2019 10:38

Does she mean uninspired because she's already looked at the stuff you'd bought and decided she didn't want it?

She might have felt a bit violated/embarrassed by the fact you'd looked through her history and was trying to remember whether she'd looked at anything embarrassing.

These were all things she'd decided not to buy or add to her wishlist already, so it seems like a bit of a risky strategy for present suggestions.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 30/12/2019 10:43

But the more I think about it, spending £250 on a joint Amazon account where she can see what has been bought, for a special birthday is both careless and inconsiderate. For that sort of money I think she would have preferred for you to go and choose her something special yourself, maybe a nice piece of jewellery or a watch. It sounds like you bought here a bunch of stuff that came to £250, maybe she wanted one special gift and a surprise.

This is so sickeningly Princessy. ‘I wanted a big speshul surpwise!!! Where’s my lovely, speshul jewellery?!’ Christ alive.

I think for the sister’s next birthday I’d be inspired to spend the money on a pair of steel toe-capped boots and treat her to a surprise kick in the foof.

katewhinesalot · 30/12/2019 10:49

It's actually inspired to think about using it for ideas.

When you say decorated, you mean party decorations don't you? I wouldn't be happy for any of my rooms to be decorated, as in paint, wallpaper etc.

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