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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wife wanted a cake baking?

53 replies

armitasp · 29/12/2019 23:42

I genuinely not sure if I was being unreasonable or not. Just before Christmas my wife came home from work about 19:00 and said they were having a party at her work the next day and she said she would bring a cake. I said I'll pick one up at the supermarket when I go out. She said no, I want you to make one. (Some background, I enjoy baking and often make cakes and desserts). I said you didn't think to ask me before now, I've been at work all day and am tired. My wife didn't take it well and stormed off in a huff. I felt bad and made a cake. I was proud of the cake I made, it wasn't up to my usual standards. However, that wasn't from spite, it was just I was genuinely tired and I didn't get it finished until nearly midnight. Was I being unreasonable or not? I don't know whether I should have been pissed off with DW or not?

OP posts:
pemberleypearl · 29/12/2019 23:45

YANU. It was late, she only just told you. A cake from the shop would have been fine

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 29/12/2019 23:46

There have been quite a few new posters recently with problems like this.

I hope you can work on your self esteem and if it's difficult to do so alone, support is out there.

ScreamingValalalalahLalalalah · 29/12/2019 23:46

Not your party, not your cake! My husband has never made a cake in his life, but I wouldn't make one for him at the last minute like that. I might do it with reasonable notice, in return for him doing something for me. Nothing wrong with a shop-bought cake for a work party, anyway.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 29/12/2019 23:46

Next time tell her to make her own cake.

dontgobaconmyheart · 29/12/2019 23:47

She 'told you to make one's or asked very politely if you would mind?

YANBU anyway, she is entitled and rude and sounds like a dick but I'm not sure why you gave in and made it after having been spoken to that way. Did she say it wasn't good enough? If so she's even worse- I'd have binned it and told her to get over herself. She can make her own cake if she's that desperate to impress a few colleagues surely.

Original poster
armitasp · 30/12/2019 00:14

@dontgobaconmyheart she was very happy with the cake and said everyone loved it. This one event doesn't paint my DW in a good light. She is a very caring wife and I love being with her. It was just this one event I wasn't sure which one of us was being a dick

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 30/12/2019 00:17

You weren't the one being a dick.

ALLMYSmellySocks · 30/12/2019 00:21

I mean maybe she was very stressed but she doesn't come across well in this one incident.

Original poster
armitasp · 30/12/2019 00:41

@ALLMYSmellySocks yeah probably. I'll make up for it by being an asshat at some point in the future. Grin

OP posts:
ScreamingValalalalahLalalalah · 30/12/2019 00:46

If you and your wife work on the basis that each of you is allowed now and then to be an asshat, but you forgive and generally behave reasonably, that sounds to me like a healthy relationship based on mutual tolerance.

Redshoeblueshoe · 30/12/2019 00:58

Absolutely Screaming Xmas Grin
OP would you mind making me a 🍰?

peachesandclean · 30/12/2019 00:59

in what world does it take 5 hours to make a cake

1forAll74 · 30/12/2019 01:07

It was so good of you to make a cake, what a truly decent man you are. So tell your wife not to make any more urgent requests like this again.

I don't eat cakes at all, but could you make me a nice trifle for tomorrow please. !!

RUSU92 · 30/12/2019 01:07

in what world does it take 5 hours to make a cake In a world where you want to make a really nice one?!

Original poster
armitasp · 30/12/2019 01:12

@RUSU92 in the world where I don't have all the ingredients to hand and have to go to the supermarket and make and eat an evening meal. Also, a world where I was waiting for the chocolate fudge to cool and thicken so it adheres to the cake and doesn't just run off.

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 30/12/2019 01:22

Bless you, OP.
She was being a dick, especially if she phrased it like you say in your first post.

Fr0g · 30/12/2019 01:25

your wife unreasonably asked you to make a cake for the following day.
You generously made cake.
You chose to make one with fudge topping that required cooling before you could complete it, so took until midnight.
your wife said thank you, everyone had enjoyed it.
this was before christmas - so at least a week/ten days ago
you have been worrying about it since, all over the christmas break?
I really don't understand what the problem is, other than you are overthinking this?

SexlessBoulderBelly · 30/12/2019 01:45

in what world does it take 5 hours to make a cake

Similar worlds that anyone who wants a cake made for certain occasions need to book weeks in advance.. there’s more to it than adding water and oil to a Betty Crockers cake box.. Grin

cybergran · 30/12/2019 01:50

people still bake cakes..??
It would never occur to me to bake a cake or ask anyone else to bake one either... mr kipling and his ilk do a fab job; why take that away from them?

Disquieted1 · 30/12/2019 01:54

I think that she was a complete CF. If my OH had promised a home made cake and insisted that I make it the night before, the reply would have had two words, seven letters, and three F's.

stupidtabloidheadlines · 30/12/2019 02:07

Can I be your wife plz?

MiniGuinness · 30/12/2019 02:07

You were ridiculous to make the cake after she huffed off. She is a grown up and could make the cake if she really wanted one.

Leflic · 30/12/2019 02:15

1forAll74 not sure Op us a man?
I took the constant use of “ my wife” to indicate they were a lesbian couple.

WhatTheActualFlock · 30/12/2019 02:17

It took me 4 hours to make and bake a cake, but it was fancy with fancy coconut frosting and ganache and doing it all from scratch took time.

YANBU OP.

Fr0g · 30/12/2019 02:36

not sure Op us a man?
why should that make a difference - or be worthy of comment?