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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wheelchair / buggy on bus

999 replies

MoonlightMistletoe · 29/12/2019 23:13

Today I had got the bus with my sister we both have children I had my toddler who was walking and my one year old who's only just started to walk who is still in a buggy, my sister has a 12week old baby who was also in a buggy.

We had got on the bus as you do and the next stop another parent got on with their buggy, a few stops later we stop and straight away a woman is screaming/shouting at the rear doors with her phone in our faces demanding we collapse our buggies, very angry , shouting at us with buggies and also at the driver. The driver is telling us to stay put due to her being aggressive and recording us. Someone on the bus was telling us to co operate with the woman who wanted to get a person on the bus who was in a wheelchair. We know disabled people are a priority and had absolutely not said we wouldn't put the buggies down, I was taking my sleeping one year out the buggy while this woman was still swearing and being nasty and recording us, I had given my baby to my sister to sit with my toddler and herself while I was about to take her baby out the pram then all of a sudden everyone made a "ohhhhhhh" gasp and the disabled man has fallen down the side of the curb and bus sideways in his wheelchair.

She then looses her absolute shit at us for her own mistakes being so caught up in recording us to make sure we move that the man is now probably injured.

AIBU to think all she had to do was say excuse me can we move the buggies so I can get the wheelchair on?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
MarshaBradyo · 01/01/2020 20:41

If he does it often then yes agree with comments re power and reporting. That is awful. Worse if he just blithely says oh I know her crazy lady, each time. Not the ops fault, but if it’s the case, no one will help her resolve the situation.

Samcro · 01/01/2020 20:41

Has she? Sorry too long a thread to check back

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2020 20:48

No @Samcro. Not as far as I’m aware. I get the impression she doesn’t think the driver was at fault. Unable to see the imbalance of power perhaps?

Lycidas · 01/01/2020 20:56

Didn’t come on her expecting to change my mind but I can see the point of the disabled space advocates. Having it available to others places the pressure on THEM to ask, make a request, or even just inconvenience others and delay the bus due to buggy relocation/folding up. I guess it’s a little like having to ask other passengers to move from your reserved bus seat, except that this isn’t a one off journey but a way of life.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/01/2020 21:01

Lycidas
Yes, exactly. It breeds a them vs us and attitudes such as the one from ruralcat, where you should of been asked nicely and given time to move.

SnuggyBuggy · 01/01/2020 21:24

Maybe it would have been better if there had been a strict wheelchairs only policy for these spaces. Not saying this about the OP necessarily but an unintended consequence of this provision is now many parents feel entitled to take unfolded prams and buggies on busses which is going to cause trouble if people won't get off or struggle to fold mid journey

lisag1969 · 01/01/2020 21:50

In normal Circumstances I would move.
But I agree with the bus driver. She didn't deserve to be let on the bus in that state. ( probably a drunk ).
He would not let any other abusive on the bus, so they shouldn't be allowed just because they have a wheelchair.
They still could be a danger to the other passengers. X

lisag1969 · 01/01/2020 21:54

@1plus2equals trouble.
Wheel chair users do have priority but in this case. They Didn't deserve to be let on due to abusive behaviour. They could have been a danger to the other passengers. X

lisag1969 · 01/01/2020 22:04

They didn't deserve the space after their behaviour. Having a disability doesn't excuse you to be dam right rude and aggressive. X

Original poster
MoonlightMistletoe · 01/01/2020 22:06

No I didn't report the bus driver because at the time of the incident the only person I saw in the wrong was the woman being abusive towards me and the other buggy users.

Having listened to everyone and thinking back to what happened , the things she was screaming at me , the bus driver telling us she "causes trouble" and thinking about why she lost her shit like that has made me realise that there is clearly more that meets the eye, that bus drivers in a way hold the trump card and a lot of people are selfish and heartless.

No one should have to ask to move out of a priority space it shouldn't be that way, although I was moving as soon as I saw him I now realise that some people just take the piss with things.

Making the space strictly just for wheelchair users would help sort these issues out but at the same time there needs to be space for buggies to be stored safely out of the way etc or a separate space all together for buggies standing.

I get the impression that although wheelchair users have a priority space it's not as strong as it should be it's not strict as they are allowing buggies in that space to begin with.

I looked to report the driver however I have no idea what number plate it was , what time I even got on that bus and I couldn't tell you what the bus driver looked like as he was wearing some sort of tinted glasses.

Perhaps if everyone buggy users and wheelchair users stand together and campaign for stricter policies and more space then it would get heard loud and clear than butting heads and not looking at the bigger picture as to who's to blame.

Happy new year everyone, I sure will be making life easier for those less fortunate than myself and helping/ stand up for anyone who needs it to those I cross paths with.

Again sorry if anyone has been upset it was not my intentions.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 01/01/2020 22:07

I think it was highly inappropriate for the bus driver to have made remarks to the passengers referencing any previous interactions between him and the carer.

lisag1969 · 01/01/2020 22:11

@sleepingsrandingup.
Get real we should not have to fold our buggies unless a wheelchair tries to get on or get off and walk if we decide.
Why cause yourself unnecessary stress trying to hold baby fold buggy and hold bags for nothing.
I agree wheelchair users should have priority but your suggestion is extreme. X

lisag1969 · 01/01/2020 22:13

@sleepingsrandingup sorry I misread the beginning of your post and thought you were saying we should be charged. X

Original poster
MoonlightMistletoe · 01/01/2020 22:24

I just spoke to my sister who was there with me and she said the woman didn't help him up nicely either apparently she was yanking him up by his jacket angrily saying come on then get up.

I don't think she's a nice person at all , she didn't seem to be a professional carer more like a family carer. Yes she was stressed but there's no need to be so disgusting towards people let alone a fragile disabled man.
So I stick to what I say in that specific situation that she didn't deserve to be on the bus. The wheelchair user was the only one being let down and possibly hurt.

OP posts:
sashh · 02/01/2020 06:17

If the driver knows this woman then he knows where and when she is likely to be waiting with the person in the wheelchair.

He could easily have given the people with buggies a heads up, just a simple, "just to let you know there is often someone in a wheelchair at X stop and if they are there you'll have to fold the buggy"

Then when he saw the people waiting could have said "OK you need to fold the buggies now"

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/01/2020 07:11

sashh
Very good point. Which again makes me think the bus driver is getting off on his power and winding the woman up. Being a bigger and stronger male, he could easily get out of the bus, talk to her and deescalate a situation like this and stop it from reoccurring. That is, unless she’s mentally ill.

SnuggyBuggy · 02/01/2020 08:02

Twatty bus drivers are a problem which must disproportionately affect those with disabilities. I once got this bus where they would do all they could to avoid having to stop and pick people up. You had to stand by the edge of the pavement and wave your arms like mad when the bus came flooring it down the road or it would race past you. I don't know how someone in a wheelchair or even someone who needed to sit in the shelter would have done it.

Underhisi · 02/01/2020 08:36

The bus driver was making the situation worse by telling the OP not to fold. Also he was using the OP and her child to block access which if the woman was being aggressive, was putting them at risk.

Samcro · 02/01/2020 08:41

i am sure you can report the driver. the time and route should be enough to tell the bus company who he is(he sounds like he has form for this)
disabled people already campaigned to get wheelchair spaces. so I think asking them to yet again campaign is a bit off.
its not wheelchair users that are the problem. sounds like its selfish drivers and people unlike the op, who won't fold.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/01/2020 08:45

Gosh I missed the campaigning together comment. This coupled with your last post is showing what you really think op.

my2bundles · 02/01/2020 08:45

Unfortunately it's definitely time to stop buggies using the space completely and keeping the spot clear at all times. The current system is not working. Yes it's shame for the parents who use it as a courtesy but something has to change.

gingersausage · 02/01/2020 08:51

@lisag1969 the woman “being aggressive” didn’t have a disability. She was the carer for the wheelchair user. I suggest you read things properly before using inflammatory statements like “Having a disability doesn't excuse you to be dam right rude and aggressive” (sic) given that that’s not what happened.

gingersausage · 02/01/2020 08:58

@MoonlightMistletoe have you actually read any of the many posts I and the other wheelchair users have written in this thread? I honestly thought that you were being educated and getting an insight into the difficulties we face.

Then you go and make a stupid comment about “us” standing together, and I wonder if any of it made any difference at all. WHEELCHAIR USERS DON’T NEED TO CAMPAIGN FOR ANYTHING. We did that and got our bloody spaces. That we can’t use because they are FULL OF BLOODY PUSHCHAIRS! Honest to god, this is why disabled people have no voice. Because nobody ever bloody listens to us.

Samcro · 02/01/2020 09:03

@gingersausage can i thank you and others for being a voice for people like my adult dc. they actually don't have a voice. I never take them on the bus, they don't do nasty and would be very confused by someone stopping them getting on, would lead to a massive meltdown.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/01/2020 09:09

Bless you and your ds @Samcro
You sound like a lovely person. So centred and calm. Such a beautiful and understated post.

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