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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wheelchair / buggy on bus

999 replies

MoonlightMistletoe · 29/12/2019 23:13

Today I had got the bus with my sister we both have children I had my toddler who was walking and my one year old who's only just started to walk who is still in a buggy, my sister has a 12week old baby who was also in a buggy.

We had got on the bus as you do and the next stop another parent got on with their buggy, a few stops later we stop and straight away a woman is screaming/shouting at the rear doors with her phone in our faces demanding we collapse our buggies, very angry , shouting at us with buggies and also at the driver. The driver is telling us to stay put due to her being aggressive and recording us. Someone on the bus was telling us to co operate with the woman who wanted to get a person on the bus who was in a wheelchair. We know disabled people are a priority and had absolutely not said we wouldn't put the buggies down, I was taking my sleeping one year out the buggy while this woman was still swearing and being nasty and recording us, I had given my baby to my sister to sit with my toddler and herself while I was about to take her baby out the pram then all of a sudden everyone made a "ohhhhhhh" gasp and the disabled man has fallen down the side of the curb and bus sideways in his wheelchair.

She then looses her absolute shit at us for her own mistakes being so caught up in recording us to make sure we move that the man is now probably injured.

AIBU to think all she had to do was say excuse me can we move the buggies so I can get the wheelchair on?

OP posts:
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churchandstate · 30/12/2019 20:19

*If you know you have to use the bus then you don’t buy a pram like that and then expect just to never have to fold it

You take the bus situation into account when buying the pram*

And people who don’t buy a new pram? Who find one in a charity shop and part with their last tenner? Or who are given a third hand one by a mate of a cousin? Should they just not have babies?

churchandstate · 30/12/2019 20:20

Biancadelrioisback

What do you mean? You have just posted explaining that one of those “options” being presented isn’t an option for you. So how can you assume they’re options for me? Or anyone?

Biancadelrioisback · 30/12/2019 20:21

Because ONE of those options isn't for me, so I have another 4 to choose from.

my2bundles · 30/12/2019 20:21

Now you really are grasping at straws and being ridiculous.

churchandstate · 30/12/2019 20:22

UpTheRhineWithoutAPaddle

I will say what I want. I am not looking to “point score”. I think some of the people I am talking to are being incredibly unfair to a vulnerable group of women and I will say so however many times I want to.

HoHoHoik · 30/12/2019 20:22

The thing is, your reason has now been judged “genuine” so you’re “allowed” to say you can’t use a sling. And actually, there are many, many women just like you, who aren’t “snowflakes” or “making excuses” - they have a need, plain and simple.

I have never used a sling on a bus because if I'm going somewhere on the bus then I'm almost always going somewhere where I will need the pushchair. And my pushchair is not some dainty little thing or an umbrella fold, I needed something chunkier and with air inflated tyres as I do a lot of walking (8 miles a day most days). Before I ever took it on a bus I practiced putting it up and down so that if I ever needed to fold it I could do so very easily.

I have still never blocked someone in a wheelchair from using their priority space.

churchandstate · 30/12/2019 20:22

Biancadelrioisback

That makes no sense. Some of those things won’t be options for anybody.

lyralalala · 30/12/2019 20:22

And people who don’t buy a new pram? Who find one in a charity shop and part with their last tenner? Or who are given a third hand one by a mate of a cousin? Should they just not have babies?

They’ll then have to realise they’ll have to get off the bus

We all have to deal with our choices in life. Having a baby is a choice. For most people having a tank of a pram is a choice. Having a wheelchair isn’t

churchandstate · 30/12/2019 20:23

HoHoHoik

Nor have I. Hmm

ilovesooty · 30/12/2019 20:24

The wheelchair user has no choices or options however you look at it.

churchandstate · 30/12/2019 20:24

We all have to deal with our choices in life. Having a baby is a choice. For most people having a tank of a pram is a choice. Having a wheelchair isn’t

For many people having a baby is a choice. I didn’t say otherwise.

churchandstate · 30/12/2019 20:24

my2bundles

Well, that convinced me. Hmm

my2bundles · 30/12/2019 20:24

If I can manage a severely disabled childin a disability buggy on a bus with a couple of NT small children plus bags etc I'm certain you can fold a buggy and handle one child. Yes I went there .

churchandstate · 30/12/2019 20:25

my2bundles

Then you are wrong. Some people can’t do what you can do. Slow clap for you.

Bluebutterfly90 · 30/12/2019 20:25

Even if you dont have good options with a pram, someone in a wheelchair has no option about being in one.
Feel like practicing folding up my pram now, before I need to take it out on the bus.
Confused
I'd certainly not want to hand my baby to a stranger to hold, but I'll move out the way somehow if theres a person with greater need of the space than me.

UpTheRhineWithoutAPaddle · 30/12/2019 20:26

@churchandstate
I will say what I want. I am not looking to “point score”. I think some of the people I am talking to are being incredibly unfair to a vulnerable group of women and I will say so however many times I want to.

Righty ho 🙄 Was trying to make you aware that you are now coming across as desperate to win the argument and we're beginning to look a bit silly as lots of people are pointing out why you're being unreasonable. Crack on then if you want to continue doing that, especially given that you had to take time out from the thread earlier, having had a bit on an emotional meltdown.

Livelovebehappy · 30/12/2019 20:27

Bus companies really need to create a level playing field and adapt buses to have a wheelchair area but then another area for parents with buggies. I’m guessing a lot of public transport during the day is used by SAHMs or mums on mat leave so provision should be there. Then the mum with the buggy in their designated space would not have to move should a wheelchair user get on the bus. Each group would have their own designated space. Hardly rocket science.

Biancadelrioisback · 30/12/2019 20:27

Church that makes no sense. It's a multi choice question. You can either stay on the bus and refuse to move out of a wheelchair space which makes you a dick, fold your buggy down, or get off. How are these options not options?

Can you just fabricate a scenario so I understand? How one of the 5 options given above isn't an option?

PixieDustt · 30/12/2019 20:27

Her behaviour was uncalled for.
On the other hand no I don't think someone with a 12 week old should have to fold the pushchair but would assume and like to think people with older children would fold their pushchair so the women with the younger baby could get in the pram space.
On our buses you could fold your pram but you'd have no where to put it!
But in the pram space you would get a pram and 2 strollers or 3 strollers

churchandstate · 30/12/2019 20:27

I'd certainly not want to hand my baby to a stranger to hold, but I'll move out the way somehow if theres a person with greater need of the space than me.

Right. So how do you feel about people presenting as a realistic option, and calling you a “snowflake” for not wanting to do it?

churchandstate · 30/12/2019 20:30

Biancadelrioisback

Sorry: yes, getting off the bus is an option, and it is the one I would have to take. What is pissing me off is the disingenuous and contemptuous language used to talk about women for whom the other “options” aren’t options at all, thereby pretending that there is no need for equitable design on public transport, so that new mums and small babies aren’t forced off public transport.

Bluebutterfly90 · 30/12/2019 20:30

@churcheck
I'm technically a millennial so being called a snowflake is water off a ducks back at this point!
I'll find a way to move out of the space without giving a random person my baby.
I need to get better at folding up my pram anyway before it sees any use.

HoHoHoik · 30/12/2019 20:30

And people who don’t buy a new pram? Who find one in a charity shop and part with their last tenner? Or who are given a third hand one by a mate of a cousin? Should they just not have babies?

They should practice folding it so that they're able to do so if they need to.

At one point I had a tandem double pushchair with huge wheels where you had to remove the second seat before it could be folded. I made sure I knew where every button and switch was so that I could collapse that thing - seat off, remove rear wheels, fold, stow it away. Toddler stood beside me, baby went to either a nearby passenger or the driver, most times the baby went to the person in the wheelchair or their carer while I did all that because they were the people best placed to help. Life is nicer when we all help one another.

If someone absolutely cannot fold then they should be prepared that they may have to leave the bus. They might get a person in a wheelchair who says no, it's fine, I'll wait for the next one. Or they may get a driver who says oh you're only going another couple of stops, you can just stand in the aisle with it. But equally they may not get either of those things so if they're not going to take any of the other acceptable options such as asking for help then their only option is to leave, like it or not. A shitty choice is still a choice.

Nor have I.

Then what exactly is your point? Because you've argued so many circles that I'm failing to see it.

ilovesooty · 30/12/2019 20:30

If you do anything other than facilitate access for the wheelchair user, snowflake doesn't even begin to descibe you.

churchandstate · 30/12/2019 20:31

Bluebutterfly90

Right, so giving a random person your baby = not an option, right? Apparently that makes me a snowflake. ❄️

How are you going to move twin babies so you can fold up your pram?

How are you going to fold up your pram while holding your food shopping?

You’ll just have to get off.

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