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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them this is our holiday

40 replies

LittleMermaidRose · 29/12/2019 21:55

DP and I are planning a holiday to Spain in March and we plan to visit friends whilst we are there.

The last time we visited they took over everything - from what we were going to do during the day, what beaches we could visit, to what restaurant we were going to eat at in the evening. As they were kindly driving us (saved us money on renting a car) we felt like we couldn't object.
They most annoying part was that they insisted on us all renting an AirB&B together because it would be "cheaper" than the budget hotel we had had in mind (which there was no reason for them to have to have accommodation anyway as they lived only an hours drive away)
It basically turned into their holiday, not ours.

We're planning on staying in roughly the same area, a little closer to where they live (and in a cheap hotel!) and we're going to rent our own car for a few days.

AIBU to book it all and only tell them last minute that we're coming?
They are lovely people and I'd really like to spend time with them, but I don't want my holiday to be taken over again.

What's the best way to handle this? I'm not good at confrontation!

OP posts:
antwacky · 29/12/2019 22:00

Just make your plans and book everything you need and let your friends know a week or two beforehand. If they try to get you to change things just tell them it's too late it's all paid for but you can't wait to spend some time with them.

WeGoHigher · 29/12/2019 22:00

Personally I'd visit Portugal.

Canadianpancake · 29/12/2019 22:02

@WeGoHigher 😂😂😂😂

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 29/12/2019 22:02

To be honest there are a million holiday destinations, I'd choose somewhere else.
I also find it a bit odd you agreed to be driven round by them if you didnt want them making decisions for you.
Go somewhere else, dont tell them you're there, or tell them last minute otherwise

windycuntryside · 29/12/2019 22:08

Go somewhere else, along way away and tell them last minute, too late to tag a long and take over with their executive decisions.

UndertheCedartree · 29/12/2019 22:08

I expect they were trying to be good hosts and give you a good time but went into overkill. My DP do this!

If I was you book your hotel etc then tell them you are coming over and would love to see them on x day for lunch and y day for a beach day (and obviously come to a mutual agreement on dates). Then do your own thing the rest of the days.

Blahblahblah12345 · 29/12/2019 22:08

Yeah don't tell them. I know someone who lives abroad and they know your coming over they ask you to bring a million and one things for them, but dont pay you for them 😂 so now whoever goes over they dont tell them till they are there.

rookiemere · 29/12/2019 22:13

Just go somewhere else ? There are hundreds of holiday destinations that don't involve having your break being dictated to you so just choose one of those instead.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 29/12/2019 22:15

I'm with @WeGoHigher

Winterdaysarehere · 29/12/2019 22:16

Just tell them a 3 day window...
Say you have plans for the rest of your trip.. Def hire your own car.

Zoflorabauble · 29/12/2019 22:19

If it was that bad op then why are you going back for seconds?

If it’s the area you love then maybe don’t even tell them at all unless you really want to see them!

Stand firm if you do. You have changed the accommodation and hotel issue so surely the only issues would be regarding where to go. You could always just turn up on them as a nice “surprise”

billy1966 · 29/12/2019 22:19

@WeGoHigher
Such wisdom, such clarity 👍😂

BackforGood · 29/12/2019 22:22

Just phone them once you are there - ask if they'd like to meet for a day - or just for a meal, if that is what you prefer.

Cherrysoup · 29/12/2019 22:25

Why are you going there again? I’d be avoiding them in case they repeated their behaviour. Definitely don’t tell them you’re going til you’re there.

Original poster
LittleMermaidRose · 29/12/2019 22:30

The pervious holiday wasn't terrible - it just wasn't what we had planned/wanted.
We want to go back because we love the area and we love our friends!
They were great hosts, which is why we never said anything before, as we thought it would come across as ungrateful.
I don't want to hurt their feelings.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 29/12/2019 22:38

We went to a holiday spot this year for a week. Friends live there and are used to people wanting to stay.
We booked a hotel fairly central and caught up with friends for dinner and a show.
Again for another evening event, had a great time together.
I think they appreciated not having house guests to entertain.

Doyouavocado · 29/12/2019 22:45

I would just tell them you are going to be in the area for a few days for a relax but would love to meet for one day or however many you are comfortable with. just make sure you stress that you only have that’s time available to make plans

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 29/12/2019 22:45

Book the holiday and tell them when you get there. Just tell them you wanted to surprise them. 😉😁

bridgetreilly · 29/12/2019 22:48

Book the accommodation and the car, then say 'We'd love to see you for dinner one night. Which day is best for you?'

billy1966 · 29/12/2019 23:04

@Weenurse

We have done this many, many times over the past 30 years. Contact friends 3 weeks in advance, tell them we will be in their city from Friday to Monday etc., if they are free to meet up for drinks or dinner, let us know.

Never a problem, have ALWAYS met up, has always been a great experience, because they have always directed us to a great restaurant.

Lovely catch up without imposing on anyone.
When we were in our early 20's we did a bit of staying with friends and having visitors, but as we have grown older...hotels all the way 👍

recycledbottle · 29/12/2019 23:04

I think the key difference is the car and the fact you have booked accommodation. If you tell them only a couple of weeks before then they will know you are avoiding telling them. Just don't change your hotel and make sure you have the car rental

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 29/12/2019 23:12

A neighbours brother and sister-in-law will gatecrash holidays in a similar fashion. They are supposedly lovely people but completely oblivious. Everything becomes focused on entertainment and food for their children rather than the romantic getaways my neighbour and her partner had wanted.

My neighbour has to be very discrete about any plans where she wants to exclude them but also specifically makes other plans that include them too.

ILearnedItFromABook · 29/12/2019 23:23

I'd make it clear beforehand (in a friendly, chatty way) that you've already spent a lot of time making specific plans, have pre-booked rooms, etc. in other words, everything's settled and can't be changed but you'd love to see them on X or Y day, if they're available.

...But that's only if you think they won't still manage to invite themselves along or otherwise take over the holiday. If you're not sure, honestly, I might not even tell them I was coming.

If they're the type of enjoy surprises (and won't hear about your trip through the grapevine beforehand), you could keep quiet about the trip, then drop by to visit them on your last day or two. That way even if they do try to take over (in the friendliest of ways), you'll already have managed to spend the bulk of your time as you wanted.

Original poster
LittleMermaidRose · 30/12/2019 09:08

Thanks all!
Think I might go down the "surprise" route, tell them we booked it last minute Crown Wink

OP posts:
greenlavender · 30/12/2019 09:13

I'd go somewhere else

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