Birthday disappointment

[blissfullyignorantorinpain]

Now who do you tell when your own DH upsets and disappointments you so much. I have family and friends but I never say negative things about my husband with my family it's because I don't want them worrying about me and with friends it's because I am well embarrassed.
It was my birthday today, my H knows how precious I am about my birthday, call me childish but I am. It's only our third year of marriage and 4th of my birthdays together and he got me nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even a card from our baby. I'm so upset and can't hide my disappointment.
We argue often about our baby and routines what I feed him etc but I thought all this was normal. He keeps asking what's wrong. Because I'm struggling to keep a brave face. I'm just so shocked.
He "apparently" did have something planned for us but because we had lunch with my family for my bday he didn't want to go out again.
I'm only know starting to realise I'm falling out of love with him, maybe I have already.
Another thing which upsets me is no one in his family ever wishes me happy bday. And I know they obviously don't know when it is or don't care but on his bday I tell all my family to txt him.

Happy birthday OP. Time to think about what you want from now on.

You deserve better, do you really think it will be different in another 12 months?

Has he stepped to do his share of parenting including nights?

No I don't think it will be any different. Especially as last year I kicked up such a fuss and he still doesn't show that he cares. He does do his share of parenting and does the nights. That's not the issue. It's like others have said. Just getting a happy birthday would've been nice. His reasoning was that he forgot and "you know I've had a lot on my mind". He's always got a lot on his mind as he never stops stressing. Also it's the same excuse he used last year. Don't know what to do. I hate thoughtless ppl. Especially considering this guy showered me with gifts and kindness before we had a child. He's changed and doesn't prioritise me anymore. I don't want to let him see me cry or upset. And I also don't want to hear him say why is it such a big deal etc because it's very belittling. I regret marrying him.

Happy Birthday OP. I'm sorry you've been treated so badly.

Happy Birthday

Don’t be back here in a year’s time saying he forgot again, be divorced with lots of presents instead

Do you have any family you can move in with OP, so you can leave this man once and for all? It clearly isn't working between you and he shows you very little (if any) respect. Don't let it drag on for another year!

If you're not back to work, get back to work. This is your number 1 priority, to provide for your child. Get out, and when your birthday tools round next year, you'll not be kicking yourself for rereading the same thing for a 3rd year. Baby steps, but have a plan.

Together 19 yrs. This year I bought myself flowers, bought my own birthday cake and did not expect cards. My OH asked me what I wanted so I sent him an amazon link for GHDs and thats exactly what I got.
No little touches to show he cares. Just that 1 gift.
I didnt want to cook so I ordered a meal from a local restaurant I liked (and paid for it myself)
The fact that he didn't kick off over something silly and leave me in tears or pretend to be ill and go to bed means I consider it was a good day.

This is not a pity party, I'm showing you what your future could look like. Please get rid of this manchild. You deserve to feel special

Happy birthday op.
Next year, if you’re still with him, organise a day for yourself with friends and enjoy your birthday without him.

Make changes or you'll be writing the same post forever.

I'm not convinced this bloke is in it for the long haul. A loving partner doesn't do this.

Give yourself the best present, a fresh start. You are taken for granted and unappreciated. I would even go as far as to suggest also unloved. If Your H really loved you he wouldn't forget your birthday and most definitely not forget consecutive birthdays. He can't even be bothered to get you a card from your baby to acknowledge your birthday. Move on with your life and build your self-worth. X

YANBU to expect something from your partner.
YABU to expect a card from your baby. Your partner should not have to instigate this... it's silly.

OP I hate to state the obvious but he didn’t forget.

Happy Birthday!

He doesn’t really care much for you, does he?
What usually happens for his birthday? Does he genuinely not care about birthdays, even his own or is it just you that he wants to show how little he cares?

Happy Birthday OP.
Please don't be back here next year, make a plan to leave. X

You don't 'forget' something important that happens on the same bloody day each year.

He just doesn't care.

What a knob

@pepsicolagirl
You don’t have to have this in your future either

[quote Shoxfordian]@pepsicolagirl
You don’t have to have this in your future either[/quote]
Thank you. I have a plan x

Good to hear x

That is shit.

Some people make far more fuss than others on birthdays and I could understand if he'd had a word before and said "as we're going out for lunch I thought we could have a quiet evening" etc.

But to give absolutely nothing to a spouse is just awful.

He sounds joyless, controlling and negative and it sounds as if this is the tip of the iceberg to be honest. Normally I'd say someone with a new baby should be cut some slack but this sounds like a deliberate fuck you from him.

I don't know what to suggest: its clearly not an easy time to be thinking of leaving but you do have to consider if you want to remain in a marriage with someone this selfish.

You need to get a grip and get some control over your own life. I mean this in the nicest way, you decide how you want to live. You sound sad and unhappy, make a change. You need to open up to either friends or family and be brave.

Happy Birthday op x

You get one day a year that’s about you and only you, so please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise that he is literally awful for not doing anything. You expressed how much it upset you last year and nothing had changed. Keeping a stiff upper lip and hiding you’re upset isn’t going to help things either- or he’ll just use the ‘I didn’t know it was a big deal’ sending lots of hugs OP - it’s an actual joke xxx

I’m sorry. I hope you’re able to find the strength to leave him so that you’re not here again this time next year posting again about how he’s let you down. You deserve more than this.

If you are still together next year - and I hope you aren't - tell him in writing two weeks in advance. "For the last two years you have made my birthday utterly shit. I expect you to buy a card and present from our child and a card and at least four decent presents from you, not crap from the petrol station but proper presents. I expect you to buy me a nice birthday cake and take me out for a meal or to the pictures. If you don't do this, I will take it as a sign that you don't love me, and would rather be happy yourself than put in the effort to make me happy. And I will go and find someone who does love me."