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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS and his girlfriend

72 replies

toffeenose · 29/12/2019 15:12

DS is 22. He's always been very private and hated us knowing anything about his friends. We met his last girlfriend who came for dinner several times, no problems at all. He now has a new girlfriend who works with him. He brings her back after work and keeps her in his room, emerges late morning to bring her a coffee. He doesn't have an en suite so she must at some point need a wee or want to brush her teeth but we never see her. Then we hear the front door go and they're gone.

This morning I said he should allow her to roam the house freely and we would just say hello. He said, no we're going out. I explained it's rude to keep her in his room (which smells like teen) for her and for us. I heard the door go about half an hour later.

Is it me or is this not on?

OP posts:
crochetandshit · 29/12/2019 15:14

I wouldn't have adults sleeping in my house on a regular basis that I hadn't even been introduced to in passing.
It's really rude.

thekaiserswife · 29/12/2019 15:16

Very rude, both him and her!

thickwoollytights · 29/12/2019 15:16

Can you get to the bottom of what his reason is for needing such excessive privacy?

DramaAlpaca · 29/12/2019 15:17

What crochet said.

TonTonMacoute · 29/12/2019 15:18

Definitely not on, and downright strange and rude behaviour.

CakeandCustard28 · 29/12/2019 15:19

Why is he keeping her secret? Is there something wrong with her? Hmm YANBU though I wouldn’t let a random adult I’ve never met sleep at my house either.

Rinoachicken · 29/12/2019 15:21

Time for him to move out, then he can keep her all to himself as much as he likes. Your house is not a hotel

LeopardPrintTits · 29/12/2019 15:22

Have you actually seen her OP? Is she really a girl or could that be the secret?

NC4Now · 29/12/2019 15:23

Weird and rude. I wouldn’t have that.

HideYourBabiesAndYourBeadwork · 29/12/2019 15:23

I wouldn’t care how important his privacy is to him. If someone is staying the night in home I want to have at least met them. If he doesn’t like it he can move out. Or they can book a hotel room for the nights they want to be together.

nowaypose · 29/12/2019 15:24

I’d say this is normal for teenagers, 22 not so much. I definitely stayed in my boyfriend’s bedroom as a teenager and rarely emerged, there’s no way we wanted to spend time with his family.

Original poster
toffeenose · 29/12/2019 15:24

I've seen her back as she's been hustled out the door by only by craning my neck out the upstairs window..

OP posts:
NoMorePoliticsPlease · 29/12/2019 15:25

It is very rude to have guests in his room that you are not introduced to . He should consider his manners or move out

recrudescence · 29/12/2019 15:28

Perhaps it’s the girlfriend who is insisting on this secrecy?

Devereux1 · 29/12/2019 15:29

Rolling back to the start of this, it's downright rude and unacceptable of your adult son to bring back people to your home without invitation from you, or without notice. Even further disgraceful that when he does so, he doesn't even introduce you, or apologise for their behaviour. Alongside, appalling behaviour by the girlfriend to come to your home uninvited, sneak around and fail to introduce herself to her hosts.

Terrible manners by both of them.

Sundancer77 · 29/12/2019 15:30

Hmm, I spent a lot of time in my boyfriends bedroom as a teen, had met and talked to the parents lots though..but we preferred to be stashed away upstairs 😂
We were 17 though, not 22, strange behaviour to not even be introduced to her 🤔

Original poster
toffeenose · 29/12/2019 15:30

His room smells awful even though it's a nice big room with a big window. I've spoken to him about it several times. He leaves his washing and sheets for ages, cups and plates, nothing terrible. He also sprays a lot of deodorant which can't be very nice for her.

We also have a small child so aside from anything else I like to know who is in the house.

I don't mind if they don't want to spend time with us, but I think we should have been introduced.

OP posts:
Original poster
toffeenose · 29/12/2019 15:37

Devereux1 you are quite right on every point. I'll be talking to him tonight.

OP posts:
Devereux1 · 29/12/2019 15:39

Your house, he's an adult, he's not following simple house rules and even basic manners of decency. Depends OP, do you want to let him rule your house and continue to believe he can do what he wants no matter what you say, or do you want him to develop better as a young man and stand up for yourself in your own house?

I'd explain very assertively and clearly to him how what he does is unacceptable. If he does it one more time, he's kicked out.

KurriKurri · 29/12/2019 15:40

I'm echoing what others are saying - my DS was like this at 15 - GFs were bundled past us to his room with the briefest of hellos (I imagine because he thought we would embarrass him !) - but by 22 he had long grown out of it and wouldn;t have dreamt of being so rude.
I'd approach the GF if you see her ask her to come and have a coffee with you in the kitchen or eat withyou or hatever, It's rude of both of them, but she is taking her lead from your son.

Devereux1 · 29/12/2019 15:40

Sorry OP, I posted that last one without seeing your last post. Smile

purpleleotard · 29/12/2019 15:41

He is a big boy now so should be an adult in his behaviour.
If he doesn't like the 'rules' of the house then he can move out and find his own accommodation.
Let him know of your dislike of his having guests in the house you don't know, tell him there are two options, Civilised or Vacate.

rwalker · 29/12/2019 15:42

Are you sure it's a girl

Wereallsquare · 29/12/2019 15:42

I do not understand how your son can have such poor manners in YOUR home. Why are you ALLOWING this to happen?

Original poster
toffeenose · 29/12/2019 15:43

I said to him very clearly this morning that he should bring her out and introduce her. He grunted so I pressed on and said it wasn't on, was rude of him and we weren't ok with it. So I was annoyed when I heard them leave.

She is from a european country and I speak her language, so maybe he thinks we're going to be joking about him or something of that order? Not that I would do that.

Also, he's adopted, attachment issues, etc. etc. makes threats of kicking out more loaded.

OP posts:
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