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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take this cat..

67 replies

Stressybetty · 29/12/2019 01:55

NC as may be outing. Probably more a WWYD than AIBU but posting for traffic. Apologies its a bit long winded!
So, I moved into a new rental place few months back. Stray cat starts coming round every few days, I turned her away to start with not wanting to encourage her away from her home, eventually fed her as I was worried she was starving and over a few weeks she gradually moved in.

Neighbours then tell me how relieved they all are for me giving her a home as they were worried with winter coming, couple of houses had been feeding her but presumably not prepared to take her in.

Turns out owners live nearby, their house was pointed out to me, but cat left after they bought a dog and hadn't been seen there for months. Neighbours tried to get RSPCA involved before I moved in but no joy.

So the issue is this. I've reunited with DP and moving house within weeks, a good 30 minutes drive away. I had expected to be here for a long time when I moved in but moving is the right decision. We have dogs currently living with him.

So, do I take her with me and risk her being unhappy with the dogs or running away in an unfamiliar area?

Do I speak to the owners and see what they say as technically surely she's still their property even if they've abandoned her? And what do I say to them?!

Or do I take her to a charity for rehoming. Presumably I'd have to have the owners permission for that anyway. I'm not even sure if she's microchiped or how old she is, if she's been spayed etc

I'm worried that if I speak to the neighbours and they agree to sort something out that they will just leave it as is.

I can't shake the horrible image of me shooing her out of the house and driving away. I can't just abandon her.

I have been agonizing over this for ages so some advice is greatly appreciated!

OP posts:
Travis1 · 29/12/2019 01:59

Is she chipped? If not I’d take her. Do a gentle intro to the dogs. I’m sure they’ll become best buddies eventually

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 29/12/2019 02:03

I would take the cat with me no matter what, I would not abandon them for all the tea in China, You will have to do some research on how to introduce the cat into the dogs home, if it is not successful then I would make it my responsibility to find them a loving home. I would not tell the “owners” at all just take the cat and go, the way they have treated the cat is disgusting.

SexlessBoulderBelly · 29/12/2019 02:08

I’d ask them outright.

It happened to us, we had a cat that got booked in to be spayed and turned out she was pregnant so had to wait. She had her litter and ran away, never came back. We occasionally saw her but she wouldn’t come near the house. It really upset my younger sister as it was her cat.

We had someone come to our door asking if they could have her as they had been feeding and taking care of her almost every day. Of course we said yes and was ecstatic that she was just stray and someone could show her love still. It was bitter sweet but we were more than happy knowing she had a home as opposed to not having one at all.

ProfessionalBoss · 29/12/2019 02:10

So you've stolen someones cat. Cars are allowed out to roam, and owners worry sick when they don't come back home within what they deem a reasonable time. You've had the owners house pointed out, but have you spoken to them about the cat? I doubt they will even know you have it. FFS! You can't steal someone else's pet, no matter how you justify it to yourself YABU! Angry

ProfessionalBoss · 29/12/2019 02:12

@BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo how exactly do you know how the owners have treated the cat? another one who would steal someones pet... FFS! Angry

slashlover · 29/12/2019 02:26

What proof do you have that she's a stray? Going to random houses for food and not being seen near the house?

Cats are well known to go to anyone who will feed them, I know a couple of cats who had several 'homes' and would go to different people to be fed. Each house though that were the only one feeding them. The house might have a cat flap and nobody sees the cat coming and going. You don't know. You could well be taking someone's pet.

Speak to the owners.

Cailleach · 29/12/2019 05:10

Please don't introduce the cat to the dogs, especially if they are terrier types or lurchers/greyhounds - they are highly likely to kill it. Too many people have dewy-eyed ideas about strange cats and dogs getting on famously - unless they are kittens and puppies that have grown up together this is MOST unlikely.

Ticklemeelmo · 29/12/2019 07:44

I see where you're coming from, however she isn't a stray and it's not your cat to just take- she has an owner.

If she's moved out of her owner's because of a dog then it's a terrible idea to bring her to a place with more dogs.

I'd speak to the owner and maybe suggest rehoming

LazyFace · 29/12/2019 08:01

I'd definitely not take her as she belongs to someone else and is scared of dogs. Speak to the owners and maybe rehome via a cat rescue but I agree that by taking her you're risking her running away again in your new place.

mrssunshinexxx · 29/12/2019 08:04

Take the cat
Do not tell it's 'owners' I use that term very lightly as they are neglecting it.
What dogs does your partner have ? Introduce slowly make sure the cat has a safe space where it can get away from the dogs, lots of treats
Pack up take the cat and don't look back
We need more people like you in this world

Lefkosia · 29/12/2019 08:07

How can you neglect a cat that's run away from home and wont go back? What a stupid thing to say

HorseradishSnowflake · 29/12/2019 08:13

One of our cats moved in with neighbours when we got a dog despite us trying to introduce them gradually etc. We kept trying to persuade him to move back but he made his own mind up. We speak to the neighbours and they are happy to have him. It will be very stressful for an adult cat to be taken to a new home with dogs in, don't do it! This cat has already left one home for the same reason. Talk to the owners and ask if they would like you to help them rehome the cat before you go.

Vilanelle · 29/12/2019 08:26

I agree with everything @ProfessionalBoss says. Having had our cat go missing recently, I'm disgusted that you are considering moving this cat out of its area without even speaking to its fucking owner.

How DARE you

cosima1 · 29/12/2019 08:38

These “owners” don’t sound as if they’ve taken any steps to find the cat though. When is if ours went missing for two days, I leafletted everywhere and was knocking on doors until he returned.

If the OP leaves him, he won’t return to this “home” and will be left begging for food from her neighbours again.

What kind of dogs does your DP have OP?

The dogs may not even be the reason the cat went awol - maybe they just didn’t bother?

I’d he was a cat with extra “homes”, he wouldn’t have been skinny.

I think I would go and knock and see what they say. Then you’ll know what to do.

LazyFace · 29/12/2019 08:56

Cosima: I take every assumption of a cat being 'skinny'. I had rex cat before and so many people assumed he was a kitten and skinny because they didn't know anything about cat breeds, it was very annoying.

ocpwr · 29/12/2019 09:09

I had my cat stolen when an elderly gentleman started feeding her, she eventually just never came back from his house . Unless the cat is very skinny and mangy then why on earth do people take it upon themselves to feed other peoples cats. It boils my blood.

Single2catsand1daughter · 29/12/2019 09:17

Speak to the "owners" first, if they've lost interest her - TAKE HER.

WaterSheep · 29/12/2019 09:23

she isn't a stray and it's not your cat to just take- she has an owner.

This.

It sounds like this has been going on for some time, and rather than speak to the owners you're listening to the neighborhood gossip. In your head they are evil uncaring owners, but that may not be the case at all.

sluj · 29/12/2019 09:24

You really must speak to the owners. How do you know that this cat isn't also spending time during the day at its own house?
My well fed, pampered, loved cats often come home smelling of strange perfume and wood burning stoves, so they are definitely spending time in other people's houses. That's fine with me as long as they aren't fed or confined as this other person must be enjoying their company too . However if they shut my cat in or moved house with it, I might well be driven to homicide.

Dollymixture22 · 29/12/2019 09:42

I recently overheard my neighbours talking about feeding my cat (well the husband giving off about the wife doing it).

No one could ever mistake my little ball of fur as hungry or a stray. She has a breakaway collar with my mobile number on it, it chubby and is only allowed outside during daylight.

I got her a new do not feed collar.

This is a long winded way of saying people know when a cat is cared for and when it isn’t. Certainly speak to the owners, but if they aren’t feeding the cat twice a day and giving is shelter on a daily basis then they have no rights.

PearlieQueen · 29/12/2019 09:48

I was in an almost identical situation a few years back. I took the cat with me. Please don't leave her.

Motorina · 29/12/2019 10:00

I am the ‘other woman in on this scenario. (In fact, if you’re rural Suffolk, I might be the other woman). My cat has gradually moved out over the past few months, since getting a dog. At first I wasn’t worried (summer, lots of squeaky things, still popping in and out every few days and eating from his bowl, which I kept well topped up with fresh food). He was getting used to the dog and I figured with time and patience they’d work it out. The cat had safe dog-free space in the home, and a constant supply of fresh food and water.

But I’ve seen less and less of him, although I do see him outside a road of terraced houses a few hundred yards away.

Someone there is clearly feeding him better rations than me. I don’t know who. I’m angry and upset and worried - will they care for him if he gets sick - but, short of locking him in the house, what do I do?

In your case, lots of people in the village know where the cat’s home is but has anyone bothered to speak with the owner, who may love and miss him? No, they’ve just assumed he’s neglected. Shame on you.

WaterSheep · 29/12/2019 10:10

Motorina and others who have been in this situation, i'm sorry someone took your pets. Sad

I think those who rescue these cats have a hero complex, a need to be seen as saving these poor neglected creatures. They like the thrill of saying the cat chose me. I see it all the time on social media. Pictures of stray cats who look like healthy and well cared for, with a dozen comments saying i'd have it.

Iwantacookie · 29/12/2019 10:11

I can understand why you would want to take him but as you know he has a home ide take him to the vets explain you found him as a stray and get him checked for a microchip.
If hes not microchipped take him.

AlmaMartyr · 29/12/2019 10:14

My cat (very loved) has a habit of hanging out with various neighbours. We don't notice that he's missing as such because he's still here most of the time - in fact, I'm not sure how he has the time to spend with neighbours. One neighbour got it into her head that he'd been abandoned and was mouthing off to everyone that she was calling the RSPCA because we had neglected our cat. I can see this exact scenario happening to us, despite the fact that our much loved cat has a very comfortable home life because one neighbour gets the wrong idea, gossips to another one and suddenly our cat is being stolen for no reason. Luckily in our case, I think someone put her straight because she shut up about it.