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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take this cat..

67 replies

Stressybetty · 29/12/2019 01:55

NC as may be outing. Probably more a WWYD than AIBU but posting for traffic. Apologies its a bit long winded!
So, I moved into a new rental place few months back. Stray cat starts coming round every few days, I turned her away to start with not wanting to encourage her away from her home, eventually fed her as I was worried she was starving and over a few weeks she gradually moved in.

Neighbours then tell me how relieved they all are for me giving her a home as they were worried with winter coming, couple of houses had been feeding her but presumably not prepared to take her in.

Turns out owners live nearby, their house was pointed out to me, but cat left after they bought a dog and hadn't been seen there for months. Neighbours tried to get RSPCA involved before I moved in but no joy.

So the issue is this. I've reunited with DP and moving house within weeks, a good 30 minutes drive away. I had expected to be here for a long time when I moved in but moving is the right decision. We have dogs currently living with him.

So, do I take her with me and risk her being unhappy with the dogs or running away in an unfamiliar area?

Do I speak to the owners and see what they say as technically surely she's still their property even if they've abandoned her? And what do I say to them?!

Or do I take her to a charity for rehoming. Presumably I'd have to have the owners permission for that anyway. I'm not even sure if she's microchiped or how old she is, if she's been spayed etc

I'm worried that if I speak to the neighbours and they agree to sort something out that they will just leave it as is.

I can't shake the horrible image of me shooing her out of the house and driving away. I can't just abandon her.

I have been agonizing over this for ages so some advice is greatly appreciated!

OP posts:

Minxmumma · 31/12/2019 07:44

For those judging the original owners of the cat please just stop. You have no actual evidence that they did anything to the cat, just gossip that the cat had a flounce when they got a dog.

I've been in very similar circumstances my cats were stolen by a batty old lady who's garden backs on to mine. She saw them when she was feeding the seagulls and they were trying (and failing) to catch them. So having had her own cat pts she decided to coax them into her house with luxury foods like salmon and refuses to let them out.

Her neighbours contacted us when they saw our missing cat posters. We went round and she was very aggressive and utterly bat shit nuts and would not return them despite us being able to see them in the window.

Short of involving the police there is nothing I can do.

My kids especially the little one miss them like mad, I know she will probably kill the older cat as he had kidney failure years ago and had a special diet but despite me trying to give her the information she didn't want to know.

Please don't steal the cat. Put it in a box and take it home. If the owners tell you they don't want it then by all means take it with you but give them a chance first.

peoplepleaser1 · 31/12/2019 07:59

Really tricky situation OP, and you've clearly got the cats best interests at heart.

IMO you do need to speak to the original owners before deciding what to do.

I walk dogs and feed cats for a living and I would say that cats respond to different dogs in different ways.

My own cat is fine with our dog as he's calm and gentle and leaves her be. They co exist nicely. Initial introductions were helped by me using baby gates and even now DDog is not allowed upstairs.

I guess I'm saying that with the right set-up the cat may feel differently towards your partners dogs then it did towards the original owners dogs, especially if you create a set up that works for it (safe space, prevent chasing etc)..

Smotheroffive · 31/12/2019 08:15

Just no no no!

Why do people think cats that coming calling and waiking for food and demanding attention are only doing it because their owners are shit or have abandoned them!!

They do it because its what cats do.ffs.

I do think cats fool a lot of people though, and dupe them into becoming yet another slave to the cat.

The first and only thing you should ever have done was speak direct to the actual owners of the cat, not others.

If the actual owner says the cat is unhappy with the dog and moved out then you should rehome it and not try to put it through the same ordeal again but in a strange area and make sure the rescue are told its hate of dogs.

justcly · 02/01/2020 06:22

@Minxmumma:

You absolutely should involve the police. This is theft.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 03/01/2020 19:21

@Stressybetty, did you manage to speak to the owners?

Original poster

Stressybetty · 03/01/2020 21:19

Not yet! I move on 12th so plucking up the courage this weekend

OP posts:

Turquiose · 03/01/2020 21:25

No don't take her! Speak to the owners. Someone kept feeding my cat and knew that he had an owner. You don't know the situation. I hate cat nappers.

Zofloramummy · 03/01/2020 21:33

without speaking to them you won’t know if they don’t want the cat back or if they do. However if they do t you need to think carefully about whether you take her. A new home with 2 dogs is a lot for a cat to cope with. If she is strongly bonded to you and you manage the introductions carefully they may co exist but it may not work out at all. Some cats hate dogs with a passion, even laid back ones.

ilovesooty · 03/01/2020 21:35

Why were you too nervous to approach the neighbours in the first place?

Lifecraft · 03/01/2020 22:12

she isn't a stray and it's not your cat to just take- she has an owner.

Nope. Dogs have owners, cats have staff. You never really own a cat, you just do what you can to encourage it to stay. That's the risk of having a cat. You lavish love and affection on it for a decade, and then a little old lady moves in down the road, offers it some smoked salmon, and it fucks off to her place in a heartbeat, and never gives you another thought.

That's the deal with cats. They choose who they want to "own" them.

WaterSheep · 03/01/2020 22:26

You never really own a cat

The law disagrees with you there

The theft Act 1968 - Cats are regarded in law as the ‘property’ of their owner. The theft of a cat is treated as an offence under the Act, in the same way as theft of any other property is.*

Ellie56 · 03/01/2020 22:39

@Minxmumma I think you should report the theft of your cats too, especially if as you suspect, she is endangering the health of one of them.

Lunafortheloveogod · 03/01/2020 23:05

If you know the owner who has apparently abandoned the cat why not go n ask them if they’d be happy for you to take her in?

Don’t just take the cat and don’t assume it’ll be ok with dogs. You’d need to keep it in for around a month after moving.. which any outdoor cat will hate.

My cat is the local starving bandit.. he eats like a shire horse but has oriental mixed into him so remains slim with a big head and a bloody loud singing voice. He’s in all night and out any time it’s dry. And will devour pouches like he’s never been fed.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 04/01/2020 00:45

Not yet! I move on 12th so plucking up the courage this weekend

Maybe a note through the door asking them to ring you if you can't face talking to them?

Fr0g · 04/01/2020 01:25

I grew up in a seaside town, one of our cats disappeared every summer and came back at the end of the season very plump - we assumed that he was being fed by a local hotel.

Speak with the neighbours you think own the cat - if they don't object, consider how your dogs are with cats - some are fine, others not.
If your dogs not a likely good match, see if another neightbour is able to take the cat on, or condider a cat rehoming charity.

If you take the cat to a vet, they will be able to tell you if she's microchipped or not.

Original poster

Stressybetty · 05/01/2020 16:02

So spoke to owners, they are very laid back. According to them cat comes and goes all the time, aware that other people feed her but not bothered, not bothered she's been living with me for past 4 months, not sure where they thought she was seeing as she's been tucked up in my bed every night! Saying she comes and goes and eats then leaves all the time but she eats all meals with me and is rarely out of the house, maybe about 10 mins a day in the evening. Did establish its the same cat. Anyway! Agreed to take cat over before I leave next Sunday and they will try and keep her in. Went and told gossipy neighbours the situation, they still maintain the cat has been living rough feeding off neighbours for past 18 months until I moved in so have taken update with pinch of salt. But have done all I can.

OP posts:

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/01/2020 16:23

That's a shame you don't get to keep the cat. Sounds like it's a 6 Dinner Sid and will find another home just as it did at yours, cats are clever things.

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