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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take this cat..

67 replies

Stressybetty · 29/12/2019 01:55

NC as may be outing. Probably more a WWYD than AIBU but posting for traffic. Apologies its a bit long winded!
So, I moved into a new rental place few months back. Stray cat starts coming round every few days, I turned her away to start with not wanting to encourage her away from her home, eventually fed her as I was worried she was starving and over a few weeks she gradually moved in.

Neighbours then tell me how relieved they all are for me giving her a home as they were worried with winter coming, couple of houses had been feeding her but presumably not prepared to take her in.

Turns out owners live nearby, their house was pointed out to me, but cat left after they bought a dog and hadn't been seen there for months. Neighbours tried to get RSPCA involved before I moved in but no joy.

So the issue is this. I've reunited with DP and moving house within weeks, a good 30 minutes drive away. I had expected to be here for a long time when I moved in but moving is the right decision. We have dogs currently living with him.

So, do I take her with me and risk her being unhappy with the dogs or running away in an unfamiliar area?

Do I speak to the owners and see what they say as technically surely she's still their property even if they've abandoned her? And what do I say to them?!

Or do I take her to a charity for rehoming. Presumably I'd have to have the owners permission for that anyway. I'm not even sure if she's microchiped or how old she is, if she's been spayed etc

I'm worried that if I speak to the neighbours and they agree to sort something out that they will just leave it as is.

I can't shake the horrible image of me shooing her out of the house and driving away. I can't just abandon her.

I have been agonizing over this for ages so some advice is greatly appreciated!

OP posts:

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/12/2019 10:15

Just take the cat.

Somanysocks · 29/12/2019 10:22

Why do cat owners take such exception when other people welcome a random cat into their home? When you 'own' something that does what it likes, goes where it likes etc you actually have no control. You cannot have it all your own way.

Dollymixture22 · 29/12/2019 10:28

Somanysock.

I spend a fortune on a good quality diet for my cat. I was raging when I learned a neighbour was feeding her - I order the food specially and I had no idea what these people were giving her.

Cats shouldn’t have milk, and supermarket food like whiskas is very poor quality.

The neighbour who was Feeding her knew exactly where she lives, and was aware she was a spoiled little princess.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 29/12/2019 10:31

How long does the cat spend with you on an average day? If it's most of the time I'd be inclined to take the poor thing with you.
You need to make sure its owners have abandoned it though. Cats go where they are fed and feel comfortable, if they are not getting this at home then they will go elsewhere. But make sure the cat is not still going home in between it's wanderings. I've seen my cat go through a neighbour's cat flap before

We need to know what type of dogs your DP has as well. Most dogs and cats can get on with one another if they are introduced properly.

Somanysocks · 29/12/2019 10:34

But the nature of cat ownership is that you give it a base and then let it out to do what it wants. You quite often have no idea where it is or what its doing. Accept it.

bruffin · 29/12/2019 10:41

If she was lost and starving I would of course be very grateful to some one To look after her and get her scanned (if her collar had fallen off), but there is no way anyone would think my very healthy cat was a stray.
A cat turned up on my doorstep on boxing day, she is absolutely gorgeous, healthy . She spent hours crying on the doorstep.
We ended up feeding her and she was really starving her
She has been taken to the vets to be checked for chip
Ive put her on 3 lost and found website
I have put posters up locally
We have put contact details on a collar
We cleaned her up as she did have one incidence of diarrhoea in the pet carrier when i took her to the vets , Dh cleaned her up.
She can come and go in our garage. She has not been allowed in house yet as we have a cat and she is getting a little stressed by her garden being taken over

Not sure what else we can do but we wont let her starve as she is very reluctant to leave us. She obviously does have a home somewhere but she doesnt want to go back!

bruffin · 29/12/2019 10:44

think those who rescue these cats have a hero complex, a need to be seen as saving these poor neglected creatures
I dont have a hero complex not does anyone in my family. The little cat above is not moving out of our garden for 3 days.

WaterSheep · 29/12/2019 10:46

We ended up feeding her and she was really starving her

My cat does a great starving impression, and from what i've read other cats are also masters at it. You could feed him and 10 minutes later he would be wailing like he hadn't eaten in weeks.

bruffin · 29/12/2019 11:08

Watersheep
She gobbled up food in seconds , she was starving, she hasnt behaved like that since really, she is just content to sit on the doorstep, stalk the odd bird and have the odd stroke.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 29/12/2019 11:14

My cat does a great impression of never being fed despite the fact he eats 5 pouches of food a day. I have to put a collar on him now even though I don't want to just so he looks like he has a home! You must speak to the owners first.

bettybattenburg · 29/12/2019 11:27

You can't just steal their cat

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 29/12/2019 11:35

You can't just steal their cat

If they are not looking after it then of course she can.

Bruffin well done for looking after that cat, you'd think it's owners would've put posters up etc etc before you even had to!
I think most people can tell if a cat is starving or just trying its luck.

Motorina · 29/12/2019 13:35

I can sort of understand why you might be in a difficult situation with a starving stray on your door. But the cat here has a known home! Why no one has done the adult thing of speaking with the owner before planning on taking the cat elsewhere is beyond me. Stick a note through the door, even.

(As an aside, my cat has just pitched up, starving. The last time he did this was the October half term. I’m assuming the people who are feeding him the rest of the time have gone away and made no provision. Which is fine - he’s not their cat. I just wish they’d talk to me (i leafleted) so we can come up with a solution that works for the cat.)

Original poster

Stressybetty · 29/12/2019 15:28

Thanks all, no I'm not in rural Suffolk or Sussex. I didn't start feeding the cat until a good 4 weeks after moving in, was telling her to go hone and wasn't told about the owners until a few weeks after she'd properly moved herself in. Yes I should at that point have gone and spoken to the owners, I accepted what the neighbours said and was too nervous to go over myself. Apparently my landlord who lived here before me was also feeding her now and then. I always keep a window open during the day when I'm in and she is free to come and go. She spends about 5-10 mins outside about 2 or 3 times a day and I have a litter box. She has met 2 of the dogs separately, one had a sniff with a wagging tail then left her alone, other tried to get her to play. Both times cat went under the bed and stayed there, no hissing just stared at them which is why I think moving her to a new place would be cruel. I have had a hellish year and tbh having her here has helped. I will try and speak to owners in next day or two.

OP posts:

bettybattenburg · 29/12/2019 17:01

If they are not looking after it then of course she can

She hasn't even spoken to them to know if they are or not, she's just got the neighbours gossip.

WaterSheep · 29/12/2019 17:45

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor Not just my cat then

I will try and speak to owners in next day or two.

I'm glad you're going to speak to the owners. It's much more sensible than listening to neighbourhood gossip.

Wolfiefan · 29/12/2019 17:51

You should absolutely speak to the owners. I can’t understand why you haven’t already. My old girl appeared ravenous and skinny. She had a thyroid problem.

Motorina · 29/12/2019 19:19

I’m so glad you’re going to speak to the owners. Good luck!

pawsies · 29/12/2019 21:01

If people don't want others interfering with their cats then they need to secure their gardens to keep their cats contained on their property.
Unfortunately there are a lot of irresponsible people who won't do this and then complain when their cats go missing.
Either that or train your cat to accept a harness/lead. It is possible, many people have achieved it but again the majority of cat owners aren't committed enough to do that. They just want to have a pet they let out (aside from where the cat does it's business...) and don't need to think about until feeding time. Totally different culture to the likes of Australia which are more responsible with their cats.

Wolfiefan · 29/12/2019 21:09

Erm no. I bought my cats, I pay for their pet insurance and vaccinations. I had them microchipped and neutered. They are called in each night and only allowed to roam in daylight hours. They would be bloody miserable shut in a house all day. Don’t take in animals that don’t belong to you.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 29/12/2019 21:17

I didn't start feeding the cat until a good 4 weeks after moving in, was telling her to go hone and wasn't told about the owners until a few weeks after she'd properly moved herself in

No, YOU moved her in,cats don't just move themselves in,they move in if they are fed.

Wilmalovescake · 29/12/2019 21:26

I have several rescue cats and dogs. Even so, I can’t actually believe you were considering taking her out of area without speaking to the owners.

lostfrequencies · 29/12/2019 21:39

YABVU and I can't believe all the people telling you to just take it!

bruffin · 31/12/2019 07:28

Passive, stop with the holier than thou attitude. I think its cruel to keep cats in doors, keeping them indoors is not responsible, just cruel.

onanothertrain · 31/12/2019 07:42

Of course you don't just take the cat FFS. She is not yours to take. You know where the owners live but you decided to start feeding the cat anyway cause you believed what the neighbours told you. You think the cat "left home" because of a dog but you want to steal her to live with dogs?

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