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Original poster

questioning paternity of baby.. Need advice

82 replies

Penny12355 · 28/12/2019 23:26

So I have definitly posted about this before.. but alot has changed since then, I am no longer with my ex fiance due to physical violence not that long ago. But for some reason now it still lingers in my head especially now that were broke up for some reason.. I would hate to keep him in my life if he wasnt even the dad if that makes sense, but to be completely honest I would rather my ex fiance be the dad because I know hes realy good with children and a good dad even though he was a dick to me and to be honest I dont know the other guy to well and we havent spoke since..

But anyway going back to april me and him broke up for a good while and I was single and stupidly slept with someone on a night out, now before anyone judges I never usually do this! The guy was a guy I was messaging back and forth a bit but I wasnt that interested in him and I got drunk one night and we didnt use any protection or anything.. this was the 25th of may.. (my last period was the 11th of may) I have long cycles of 33/34 days, then the next day i panicked and went and got the Mornin after pill (12 hours later) then on the 1st of june I had a bleed and it lasted for 3 days I had to use pads.. so then on the 9th,14th and 18th of june I done pregnancy tests just to make sure and they all came back negative, and in june I got back with my boyfriend (ex) on the 3rd of june and we had sex everyday in june maybe apart from a few days, it wasnt until the 26th of June I got my first positive and it said 2-3 weeks, I then done another test on the 29th of June and it also said 2-3 weeks, then on the 3rd of July it just changed to 3+.. I then went and got an early scan on the 17th of july and they told me I was 6 weeks.. 6 weeks plus 1 it was measuring at, then another scan on the 5th of august and it was saying 9 weeks aswell so every scan I have got has always went back to my last bleed on the 1st of june.. also my due date has never changed it has always stayed at 7th of march, can anyone give me advice?? I'm like 99.9 percent sure it is my ex fiances and not the guy from 25th of may but I'm just terrified incase she comes soon and she looks fuck all like him or somethin and its panicking me a bit 😂 thank you for reading

OP posts:
NymphInYellow · 29/12/2019 13:02

Have you told your midwife about the violence? They are trained and can help you access support.

GabsAlot · 29/12/2019 13:21

You want this violent thug to tbe the father-ffs he'll have control over you for the next 18 years

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 29/12/2019 13:53

The most important alarm here is not who the father is. So many woman who have had violence from a man are conviced that they will never hurt a child. I am sorry to tell you but statistically that is not true. A violent person is a violent person. There are women who have stuck with a man who beats them because he is good to the children.. until one day they are not

Original poster
Penny12355 · 29/12/2019 20:00

Guys I dont mean to be cheeky but I didnt come here to talk about the violence but just for advice, I would never put my child at danger.. and for the STI check it was done ages ago...

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 29/12/2019 22:07

You have no idea what he'll be like alone with yourchild

Emeraldshamrock · 29/12/2019 22:16

I know you didn't post to discuss the violence but it is there.
Guys I dont mean to be cheeky but I didnt come here to talk about the violence but just for advice, I would never put my child at danger When you are with a violent men it affects your child emotionally. There is always the danger of losing their DM.
Are you still in the relationship with the violent guy.

Emeraldshamrock · 29/12/2019 22:18

I reread so your not with him but think he'd be a good father. I doubt it.

Merryoldgoat · 29/12/2019 22:44

Look, we can all read. You said very clearly that you ‘hoped’ he was the father and that he’d never hurt your child, EVEN THOUGH HE WAS VIOLENT TO YOU WHILST YOU’RE CARRYING THE BABY.

I have no idea why you’re so naive about his capabilities. A man who hurts a pregnant woman has absolutely no morals or boundaries.

So unless you wake the fuck up and start taking some responsibility for your situation, instead of laughing about how shit your maths is, you’ll find yourself looking at a SS care order because you allowed your child to be put in harm’s way.

tinatsarina · 29/12/2019 23:12

You can quite easily Google all of this.

Leflic · 29/12/2019 23:34

Frankly since you aren’t with him, you really don’t need to over think this.
Once the baby is born you’ll ask him for maintenance which he will try and wriggle out of. You then name him as the father ( do not put him on the birth certificate) which he will um and ah about at which put you get a DNA test done through the CMS. And you’ll know for sure.

You are a single parent. Focus on your child, getting your life together etc and less thought about a woman beater who will most certainty be on to his next woman by now.

Original poster
Penny12355 · 30/12/2019 12:30

Yeah u are all right! I have so much anger towards him.. he choked me till I passed out 2 weeks ago!

OP posts:
Leflic · 30/12/2019 13:14

Horrific.

Do not tell him when you are doing the birth certificate, He didn’t marry you so he doesn’t get to put him name on ( unless he makes effort).

Make sure your child’s surname us yours not his. It will in no way negatively impact your child but will make your life a million times easier.You can tell them who their father is, No one else cares and it doesn’t make your pregnancy “ decent” because you have given your child his fathers surname. Everyone knows how babies are made.

Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy. You’re going to have an exciting year..

Itsigginingtolookalotlikexmas · 30/12/2019 13:51

Have you logged this with the police?
Both you and your baby could very easily be dead, this is no "minor" assault

Original poster
Penny12355 · 30/12/2019 14:02

Nah I never logged it with the police, I didnt know what to do, although I did go and get the baby checked out and all was fine, I also have a 4d scan on Friday so cant wait to see her

OP posts:
WaggleWiggle · 30/12/2019 14:13

You think he’d hit a woman but not a child because he’s a good dad and wouldn’t harm a child...Good dads don’t go around physically abusing people, full stop.

As for your other question, not sure why you want everyone to work out your dates and determine who is the father for you when you can calculate it online very easily yourself or, if you want absolute certainty, a DNA test.

You don’t sound very responsible. I don’t think AIBU is the best place to post this because you’ll get blunt replies like mine.

Original poster
Penny12355 · 30/12/2019 14:15

PP okay I did the conception calculator online and it says if due date is 7th of march then u concieved like anything from the 9th of june

OP posts:
Elbeagle · 30/12/2019 14:16

he choked me till I passed out 2 weeks ago!

You say he wouldn’t hurt his child? He nearly killed you. If you’d have died, your baby would have done too.

OrangeSlices998 · 30/12/2019 15:31

You’re focusing on the wrong thing, the dates online on any due date calculator show you when you likely conceived. What you’re not focusing on is the danger you’re putting yourself and your baby at by being around a violent man.

Lllot5 · 30/12/2019 15:43

Ffs this poor baby.
You really need to stop laughing about being shit at maths ( not sure why that’s funny).
Concentrate on the baby now and put a claim in for maintenance once the baby is born, when he refuses to pay ( he will ) then do a dna.
It makes my blood run cold that you could think a man that strangled a pregnant woman until she passed out would be a good dad.

Itsigginingtolookalotlikexmas · 30/12/2019 15:44

You can call women's aid to talk to them. Calling them doesn't mean anything has to happen. You can certainly still go to the police about something that happened two weeks ago though. Has he stayed away since?

PepePig · 30/12/2019 15:53

Guys I dont mean to be cheeky but I didnt come here to talk about the violence but just for advice, I would never put my child at danger.. and for the STI check it was done ages ago

I'm usually never so blunt/harsh but don't be so fucking stupid. You need to safeguard your child. Stop making excuses for this pathetic excuse of a man. He's scum. You are putting your child in danger if you just let him have her willy-nilly. It needs to be supervised contact in a contact centre at the least. Preferably, no contact at all to be honest.

Sure, he might not hurt your child. But he'll happily hurt you. He won't have an issue with doing it in front of him/her. And growing up seeing that is as damaging as being hit yourself. Chances are, though, he'll hit you and your child when he loses his rag.

Listen to what everyone is saying. Stop being naive.

TacoLover · 30/12/2019 15:55

He almost killed you AND your child just two weeks ago! How can you say that he wouldn't hurt your baby?!?!

Original poster
Penny12355 · 30/12/2019 15:56

No no I agree! He is scum, and it will definitly be supervised. Would never forgive myself if somethin happened my child

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 30/12/2019 16:55

Yeah u are all right! I have so much anger towards him.. he choked me till I passed out 2 weeks ago!
So he wouldn't hurt the DC but nearly ended your and the babies life a fortnight ago.
No no I agree! He is scum, and it will definitly be supervised. Would never forgive myself if somethin happened my child Are you nuts why would you even allow him see the child. If SS got wind of this. Again like a pp I hate to be hurtful. It sounds like you need SS involvement as you have very little sense in what protecting a child means.
If this is real never ever let him near you or your child again, move areas if you have to. This is crazy.