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Original poster

questioning paternity of baby.. Need advice

82 replies

Penny12355 · 28/12/2019 23:26

So I have definitly posted about this before.. but alot has changed since then, I am no longer with my ex fiance due to physical violence not that long ago. But for some reason now it still lingers in my head especially now that were broke up for some reason.. I would hate to keep him in my life if he wasnt even the dad if that makes sense, but to be completely honest I would rather my ex fiance be the dad because I know hes realy good with children and a good dad even though he was a dick to me and to be honest I dont know the other guy to well and we havent spoke since..

But anyway going back to april me and him broke up for a good while and I was single and stupidly slept with someone on a night out, now before anyone judges I never usually do this! The guy was a guy I was messaging back and forth a bit but I wasnt that interested in him and I got drunk one night and we didnt use any protection or anything.. this was the 25th of may.. (my last period was the 11th of may) I have long cycles of 33/34 days, then the next day i panicked and went and got the Mornin after pill (12 hours later) then on the 1st of june I had a bleed and it lasted for 3 days I had to use pads.. so then on the 9th,14th and 18th of june I done pregnancy tests just to make sure and they all came back negative, and in june I got back with my boyfriend (ex) on the 3rd of june and we had sex everyday in june maybe apart from a few days, it wasnt until the 26th of June I got my first positive and it said 2-3 weeks, I then done another test on the 29th of June and it also said 2-3 weeks, then on the 3rd of July it just changed to 3+.. I then went and got an early scan on the 17th of july and they told me I was 6 weeks.. 6 weeks plus 1 it was measuring at, then another scan on the 5th of august and it was saying 9 weeks aswell so every scan I have got has always went back to my last bleed on the 1st of june.. also my due date has never changed it has always stayed at 7th of march, can anyone give me advice?? I'm like 99.9 percent sure it is my ex fiances and not the guy from 25th of may but I'm just terrified incase she comes soon and she looks fuck all like him or somethin and its panicking me a bit 😂 thank you for reading

OP posts:
Onceuponatimethen · 29/12/2019 00:21

I’m not a health care professional but with those dates and tests I can see why dr and midwife are telling you this baby is your ex’s baby.

I would really encourage you to call women’s aid to get advice about ongoing contact with him - I think you need to think ahead about the risks and may well also be a good source of support to make sure you don’t get tempted to get back with him.

Original poster
Penny12355 · 29/12/2019 00:27

PP yeah the doctor seemed pretty confident.. I've had so many scans now.. my mum always jokes and says it's the most scanned baby where I'm from haha, private scans aswell that have all measured back to 1st of june which was my LMP

OP posts:
Justaboy · 29/12/2019 00:29

DNA test they are extremmley accurate, then you'll know for sure!

OK?..

FrivolousPancake · 29/12/2019 00:35

Keep your child away from that violent scumbag, get yourself on the coil and get some counseling.

Itsigginingtolookalotlikexmas · 29/12/2019 00:35

Well maybe she should wait till the baby is out before doing the coil part?

Original poster
Penny12355 · 29/12/2019 00:39

I know people are saying about DNAtest but if I could I would rather avoid it, I just wanted people to help me out workin out dates cause I'm a bit shit at maths lol.. I'm from a really small town and it would probly be spread about within 5 mins If I mentioned dna test and it would just cause a lot of drama

OP posts:
Original poster
Penny12355 · 29/12/2019 00:40

And yeah I cant Get the coil in yet the poor babies still in there! I will get the coil in March

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 29/12/2019 01:12

My dd's ex was a lovely father until he attacked my dd in front of their child at a handover.

Whatever you do, don't put your ex on the birth certificate. You can facilitate their relationship as my dd did, but at least you have a way of keeping your child safe if he isn't up to scratch.

OrangeSlices998 · 29/12/2019 01:19

Any due date calculator will tell you an LMP of 11th May and a cycle length of 33/34 days would make you 32 weeks, and that big of a discrepancy from what you’re showing as currently would be noticeable. Early pregnancy scans are very accurate for dating. I’d still suggest a DNA test to be 100% sure but if you’re 28 weeks now that’s only possible from sex you had in June.

alexdgr8 · 29/12/2019 01:28

"but I know one thing that he would never hurt any child of his, he would rather die, I've known him for years"

"Yeah he did this only happened like 2 weeks ago when I was 28 weeks preg!"

so doesn't count the yet-to-be-born child,.....are you thinking straight.

Equanimitas · 29/12/2019 01:43

The baby is obviously your ex-fiancé's. But please don't run around thinking he's going to be a great father to your child. If he has access, you have no guarantee that he won't be violent again to you or another woman in front of your child. You've seen him being good with a small child - what happens when she becomes a stroppy adolescent and he doesn't approve of her boyfriends: can you guarantee he won't get violent with her or the boyfriend? If you have a daughter, do you want that for her? If you have a son, do you want him to be brought up even some of the time by a man who will teach him it's OK to hit women?

Equanimitas · 29/12/2019 01:46

He hit you, a pregnant woman, two weeks ago? Why would you think he wouldn't harm your child? He's already put your child in danger.

Mummyshark2019 · 29/12/2019 01:58

What would he do to you and the baby if it transpired that the baby was not his?

ProfessionalBoss · 29/12/2019 02:03

Without a dna test you will never be 100% sure. Guessing by calculating dates is unreliable guessing.

Original poster
Penny12355 · 29/12/2019 11:11

@OrangeSlices998 I'm 30 weeks and 1 day now x

OP posts:
Inliverpool1 · 29/12/2019 11:21

The DNA and who’s the daddy is utterly irrelevant. He’s bad news stay away. No doubt you’ll ignore this post as you have everyone’s telling you the same thing

snowball28 · 29/12/2019 11:32

Just do a DNA rest with the one night stand guy, that way abusive ex never has to know.

But please seriously think about your actions here, he’s already put your baby in danger by attacking you whilst pregnant. You have absolutely no clue whether he will stay a good father or not, please contact women’s aid and do the freedom program because this isn’t healthy OP.

Original poster
Penny12355 · 29/12/2019 11:40

For people telling me to stay away etc etc I already left his ass like 2 weeks ago I didnt have to think twice ! How much is it for a dna test or is it free?

OP posts:
Lifecanonlygetbetter · 29/12/2019 11:49

If your ex wants to see the baby he can apply to the family court. You can then raise the question of paternity and the court will arrange a free DNA test. Are you going to be applying for maintenance?

onioncrumble · 29/12/2019 11:54

I think you are carrying a huge burden of guilt and I feel for you. Stupid drunken mistakes (and sometimes being taken advantage of when vulnerable) happen to people. It doesn't make you an evil or bad person, you must stop this and be kind to yourself. I personally think that a DNA test will be the only way you will put this behind you and you must do what you need to, to be able to forgive yourself and move on with your life. I really am with you, I hope it works out. And stop beating yourself up now. Flowers

Onceuponatimethen · 29/12/2019 12:04

It’s great that you left. Please do call women’s aid - they will have good advicw

ShiveringCoyote · 29/12/2019 12:08

Good fathers do not abuse their childs mother. You need to get his violence documented. Speak to your midwife about it.

snowball28 · 29/12/2019 12:37

About £90 OP.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 29/12/2019 12:41

You might not want a DNA test but the child deserves to know the truth about their parentage.

You might also want to consider an STI check at the same time given the presumably unprotected sex with them both.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 29/12/2019 12:48

DNA needs to be from a plucked hair, if hair is tile source.

Why does it matter though? What have you said to the ex fiance about the matter? Does he think it's his?

If it is his, what are you going to tell baby about why you split up? If it's the other guy's, are you going to tell him? Didn't see the other thread if this has already been covered.