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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fil and dinner (continuation from mil and wedding)

76 replies

YellowMellow15 · 28/12/2019 20:16

Backstory: PIL have never really like me. Not fussed, I love my DH and that's all I cared about. Things kicked off last year here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3424456-Mil-threatening-to-not-come-to-wedding?pg=4
She did not go to the wedding - that's okay not going to force someone. However my DH made it clear if she didnt go he doesn't want contact with her. His dad keeps trying to guilt him into talking to her and 'put water under the bridge' but DH has stood firm and is not engaging in this discussion.

Here's the AIBU - was supposed to meet with FIL tonight for dinner, MIL was not invited but DH still wanted to see his dad. We waited 45 mins and he didnt show. We text him when we arrived but no response. We had dinner and left. 30 mins later fil called screaming down the phone that he had waited in the carpark for us and we never came and got him. He forgot his phone( which we should know he does so that's your fault) and had to drive to get a phone to call us. I asked him if he came into the restaurant and he said no (well screamed no and then hung up)

he proceeded to hang up everytime I called and tried to understand what happened but he would scream and swear and hang up. He is now expecting an apology. I just dont get it? He didnt once stick his head in to see.

Fair enough we didnt go outside and look. But surely if you dont have a way to contact someone and are waiting directly outside the door you would go in? He is not answering any phone call now. What do you do in this situation?

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 28/12/2019 20:19

I'd just not bother with either of them. That's absolutely ridiculous behaviour

LazyDaisey · 28/12/2019 20:21

Was your car in the car park too? I’m guessing someone agreed to meet in front of the restaurant not inside it.

Lulualla · 28/12/2019 20:22

I usually hate when posters suggest this but his behaviour is so odd that I'm going to do it... is he in good health? Could this be the start of some mental deterioration?

ChristmasSweet · 28/12/2019 20:23

They are bonkers. Who doesn't know to go and check inside somewhere if meeting someone? Confused

I would ignore them. They sound like they have the brains of children, needing everything done for them, everyone else thinking for them. Couldn't handle that.

NoseyBuggerMummy · 28/12/2019 20:27

Don't pander to his ridiculous tantrum. I would have DH text him and tell him you assumed he would come into the restaurant to find you like a grown up. If he chose not to he has only himself to blame and you refuse to engage in him while he's behaving so rudely.

Winterdaysarehere · 28/12/2019 20:27

We went nc with mil and fil stood by her and dumped us also very soon after.
He came to our wedding when she was uninvited but things went down hill very quickly. Dh begged to meet him in a cafe and came away sobbing. Twice.
5 years since seen mil and 4.5 for fil...
Ime admit defeat op. Support your dh is all you can do.

thistimelastweek · 28/12/2019 20:28

Well, when I arrange to meet people for dinner I assume we'll hook up inside the venue. Not in the car park

DameFanny · 28/12/2019 20:29

Breathe a sigh of relief and realise there's nothing you or your H can do to make them be reasonable human beings, so you can give yourselves permission to not try.

hidinginthenightgarden · 28/12/2019 20:29

Did you agree to meet in the carpark or inside the restaurant. It is December and cold so either way I would have looked inside.

ChristmasCroissant · 28/12/2019 20:29

Where did you arrange to meet him, OP? What was the wording of the arrangements

Andromache77 · 28/12/2019 20:29

Could it be that your MIL was also in the car and this was an (ill-conceived) attempt at forcing your husband to talk to her when he came out of the restaurant looking for his dad and then saw her? Otherwise it's really odd. Well, it's odd however you look at it, to be honest.

AJPTaylor · 28/12/2019 20:30

Batshit

Sewrainbow · 28/12/2019 20:30

I agree, support your dh to manage without either of them. That was weird behaviour on fil part. Was he just looking for an excuse to be rude/mean to dh so he can side with mil and say fault is on yours and dh side?

Original poster
YellowMellow15 · 28/12/2019 20:34

We talked about where to park. Fil said there was a car park behind the restaurant and we said that's fine we will meet you at the restaurant at 5.30 (also fil said he would be there before 5.15) we sat in the car until 5.20 just incase we could see him but it was getting cold and dh need the toilet so we went in. We text him that we were in but he didnt have his mobile (which we should have known apparently)
The layout of the restaurant meant it didnt face the front entrance and was at the back so we wouldnt have seen outside

OP posts:
Littlecaf · 28/12/2019 20:35

Oh this sounds sad actually. I’m sorry that your ILs have behaved in this way. But YANBU. What did he expect? Sounds like he arrived but got cold feet and could come in and is now blaming you. Just awful behaviour from an adult.

Dollymixture22 · 28/12/2019 20:35

Any rational adult would have put their head into the restaurant to see if their party was in there, even if hey thought they were meeting in the car park.

Weird.

Sushiroller · 28/12/2019 20:36

Insane behaviour.
I have never stood outside a restaurant in my life. you go in and say "Hi booking for yellowmellow at 8"

ChristmasCroissant · 28/12/2019 20:37

His behaviour is far from ideal but I think you could have given him more than 5 minutes, especially if you actually said 5.30pm though. Yes he should have looked inside but it doesn't sound like you looked for him at all.

TheLittleBrownFox · 28/12/2019 20:39

Yanbu to have not been psychic and thought to check if he was standing outside waiting. It's normal and natural if you are outside wondering where somebody is that you go inside to check if they are there. Especially in December.

I don't get why you are the one working about you texting or calling him - he's DH's dad, surely it should be him calling him?

TattiePants · 28/12/2019 20:40

@ChristmasCroissant, they waited 45 minutes!

Original poster
YellowMellow15 · 28/12/2019 20:45

@TheLittleBrownFox yeah sorry should have said dh did try and call his dad but he wouldnt answer so I called him and hoped he would calm down a bit. He would at least answer my calls but not dh which is why I tried.

OP posts:
Chloemol · 28/12/2019 20:46

Must admit if i was meeting someone, had texted and not heard I would have popped out of the restaurant to check the car park.

I suggest texting him and apologising and see what happens from there

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 28/12/2019 20:50

He was either hoping to ambush your husband with his mother or looking for an excuse to fall out with you, while making himself appear to be the victim. You both need to step back and stop calling. No doubt he and your mother is enjoying the power of your apparent desperation.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/12/2019 20:55

I wouldn’t apologise. He’s an idiot.

BloggersBlog · 28/12/2019 21:00

So he apparently was waiting in the car park, yet didnt see you come out of the restaurant?? Hmm I bet he wasnt even there. His behaviour sounds like someone who feels guilty about something and is shifting blame. Ridiculous to believe he would be waiting in his car from 5.15 (his words) until gone 6 and not check you were in there