Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

am i being unreasonable?

74 replies

TheBigMansWife · 28/12/2019 14:58

hi please excuse the grammar and punctuation etc. i am dyslexic..
anyway i am looking after my niece for 10 days and have asked my brother to send in food or money for food to feed her while he goes on holiday, he flies out today and he knows that i am totally skint, its just after xmas and i am a mother of 3 and my partner is incarcerated so i have been really really struggling to make ends meet and he is aware of this.. however he went ballisitic at me today for asking him to remember to leave stuff for dinners for his daughter as i am already having to make different dinners for us all as iv not enough in the cupboards fridge or freezer to make us all the same until i get my wages which is in a fortnights time.. he is going off his head at me and asking why i have left this to the last minute before mentioning anything to which my response was that it its his responsability to mention it not mines especially when he knows iv nothing and i honestly thought he would send stuff through for her as he knows the situation, and now he is sending me horrible texts making out that i ruin everything for him and saying that he has had to pay to get his car fixed and that he owes money out here and there etc, i dont want to ask my mum for help as she is nearly 60 and she has high blood preasure and she is going through a lot at the moment so i dont want her knowing how tough things are as i dont want her worrying about her adult kids .. he is now saying that im just trying to cause trouble the day he is due to leave and making out that im saying he is a bad dad etc because im saying he needs to leave stuff. which im not i just cant afford to feed her ... anyway he has now sent my niece round with a big bag of of food and i felt terrible when she gave me it. i feel really bad for asking am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
JonSlow · 28/12/2019 15:06

So he’s going on holiday, leaving behind his daughter, and doesn’t have money!

He sounds a bellend.

WorldsOnFire · 28/12/2019 15:07

YANBU to not be able to afford to feed an extra 10yo for 10 days right after Christmas.

YABVU to have agreed to have DN, then bring up the food situation so close to DB leaving on hol.

He should have known better and offered/brought it up to you, but you shouldn’t have let it get to this stage.

I think he probably assumed that your agreement to have DN meant you could feel her

WorldsOnFire · 28/12/2019 15:09

@JonSlow

🤔 I know MANY single mums who have dine exactly this. Gone off on ‘girls/hen holidays’ whilst financially strapped and left kids with family.

Nobody called them any names. Don’t see why this is different because he has a penis

Tonz · 28/12/2019 15:20

No you aren’t being unfair at all. It’s extremely good of you to keep your niece for 10 days to allow your brother a holiday so asking for food for her shouldn’t be a big deal I would have thought he would make everything as easy as possible considering the huge favour you are doing him.
Wish I had a sister like you actually

NotYourTypicalNerd · 28/12/2019 15:24

I think your brother IBU.

Icanflyhigh · 28/12/2019 15:28

YANBU however I would have made it clear from the off that he needed to provide the means to feed her, either monetary or actual food.

It does sound really off though, that any parent, male or female can afford to go on holiday while saying they are too skint to feed the child they are leaving behind Sad

bettybattenburg · 28/12/2019 15:33

Your brother should have offered money to cover the food when he asked you to look after her. He's being unreasonable.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 28/12/2019 15:35

You're looking after his DD for 10 days and he has the gall to get annoyed about you for wanting him to pay for her food? Bloody hell! He can afford to swan off on holiday and knows your skint. If I were him I'd be buying all of your meals for the next 10 days and returning with a generous gift too.

OlaEliza · 28/12/2019 15:37

I smell a rat.

OlaEliza · 28/12/2019 15:37

Where's the mother?

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2019 15:38

YANBU

This should've been sorted ages ago. Does he actually know you're skint?

Not that it should make a difference, as he should be leaving money to feed his own child.

Seeline · 28/12/2019 15:43

How long have you known that she was coming to stay?

Did you ask him to provide food/money when you agreed to have her?

If you only mentioned it as he was virtually leaving to go away, I can see how that might be annoying. It is unreasonable to expect it if you hadn't mentioned it before - he doesn't sound as though he is the type to think of it himself.

Where is her Mum?

paranoidmum2 · 28/12/2019 15:50

Why on earth didn’t you tell him that you would be having niece after the way he spoke to you? Where are your boundaries?!

paranoidmum2 · 28/12/2019 15:51

I would have told him that I won’t be looking after niece after the way he just spoke to you. Where are your boundaries?

paranoidmum2 · 28/12/2019 15:51

Sorry didn’t think it posted first time!

Vulpine · 28/12/2019 15:52

Nearly 60 is hardly old

Purpleartichoke · 28/12/2019 16:02

He shouldn’t be going on holiday if his budget is so tight he doesn’t have the ability to feed his child for 10 days.

It was completely reasonable to ask him to cover expenses. Even if you weren’t in such a precarious situation, it’s standard to offer money for expenses when someone watches your child for an extended period of time.

Honestly, I would have insisted on money, not food, so you didn’t have to try to scramble to turn whatever showed up into meals since you are cooking for a group, not just his daughter.

lisag1969 · 28/12/2019 16:05

If he can afford to go on holiday, he can feed his child. He would have fed her if he had not been going on holiday. X

Booboooo · 28/12/2019 16:07

Whos he going with?

DDiva · 28/12/2019 16:12

YANBU to want food or money to feed her. But this should have been sorted a week or two ago not left to be discussed on the day he flys.......

MrsEnglishh · 28/12/2019 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

dramaqueenforlife · 28/12/2019 16:24

So he said he owes money here and there yet he has the money to go on holiday? Hmmm and he knows you are a single mum. He is taking the piss.

He should have at least asked if you could cope financially especially the time of year it is.

My brother will even leave me money for his kids takeaway (and for me) even if he and his wife are going out for a few hours of an evening.

It’s courtesy. But that’s just my opinion.

Weffiepops · 28/12/2019 16:42

Your brother is a prize knob!! Forgot what side his bread is buttered on

fedup21 · 28/12/2019 16:47

Why did you agree to have your niece for so long without discussing the fact that you’re both skint?

girlygirl98 · 28/12/2019 16:52

Poor kid with that for a dad. Where's the mother? You should have prob mentioned it sooner but you're not in the wrong at all

Swipe left for the next trending thread