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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let my 7 year old have a comforter

62 replies

Bumpyroads · 27/12/2019 22:06

I have a problem the is causing both me and my daughter a lot of stress and anxiety.
She is 7 years old and has a muslin square as a comforter at night or when she's upset. She likes to "snuggle" with it and puts it up to her mouth making sucking noises. She doesn't actually suck it.
She came home from her dad's house today and he had "forgotten" to bring it home with her. She later told me that her dad had taken it away from her, hidden it and made her go to bed without it. He says that she is too old for it and it is bad for tooth development.
She says herself that it helps her calm down. Today I bought her a new one to go to bed with as she was so distressed although not the same as her one it has helped a bit. Aibu letting her have a muzzy?

OP posts:

SalmonFajitas · 27/12/2019 22:08

He's a dick to suddenly take it away, if she's not actually sucking it how is it bad for teeth development?

Fishfingersandwichplease · 27/12/2019 22:10

My 8 year old has a special little blanket that she takes to bed every single night. I am truing to get her to not take it out of her bedroom and just use it at night time but she has it when she is tired so l think no harm done so long as it doesn't leave the house unless of course we are going on holiday. I wouldn't worry about it she is hardly going to have it forever x

FloppyBiffAndChip · 27/12/2019 22:10

YANBU, but she should probably drop it soon. This might turn out to be a good thing. I 'lost' mine at around that age (with hindsight I realise my mum must have chucked it, but she did some good acting! Ringing around the shops etc.. trying to locate it!) I was given a stand in, but it wasn't really the same, so I dropped that after a day or two ...

Ohyesiam · 27/12/2019 22:10

Does he dad never use any self soothing methods? have a drink, use social media, eat ( apart from when hungry) , chat to a friend when bored, lonely, a bit rattled?
If he doesn’t he’s a very unusual man.
He is BVU .

LauraMipsum · 27/12/2019 22:11

A dummy isn't great for teeth but I don't see how that applies to a muslin

My siblings and I had a muslin comforter for ages - long after we actually needed one, into our teens, my mum still put one out with fresh bedding every week and we'd quietly put it back in the airing cupboard after making our beds!

neversleepagain · 27/12/2019 22:11

My 7 year old still has her comforters at bedtime, I wouldn't dream of taking them from her and nor would her father.
Her father is an arse upsetting a young child.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 27/12/2019 22:11

I am 49 and sleep with a stuffed animal.
As long as the dentist says it's not affecting her teeth, let her have it. Life is stressful enough without making a wee girl miserable when there's no need.
You might have to have a conversation about how "muzzy" stays home because daddy doesn't like it, but make sure she knows muzzy will be at home when she gets back.

ChocolateCoins19 · 27/12/2019 22:12

Kind of see both sides. 7 is quite old but a muslin is better than a dummy..
And also. If she managed 1 night without it.. Then she could of been persuaded to carry on maybe?

Altho I say that now but my dd. Has a muslin too.. We have loads. She spreads It over her pillow or scrunched under her head.. I hope to get rid by age 3..shes 22m now but who knows..

But he's a dick. If he's not pre warned her.

Geekster1963 · 27/12/2019 22:12

My DD had a Muslin every night for comfort. She did suck hers. She had a clean one daily. I was a bit concerned that it was causing plaque on her bottom teeth. She gave them up in October when she was 7 and a half. Which was a good thing. I explained it to her and said if she really couldn’t mange we could try again sometime but she gave them up with no problems.

I don’t think you are unreasonable to let her have one if she’s not ready to give them up yet.

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 27/12/2019 22:14

DS2 aged 8 has Bear, a bedtime bear from Mothercare. He'll give him up when he's ready.

I think what your ex has done is cruel.

RhymingRabbit3 · 27/12/2019 22:16

I dont see what harm it's doing. I am an adult and still like to have my teddy in bed, although obviously I can sleep without it. Presumably she is able to sleep without it e.g. if she went to a friends house for a sleepover.

soupmaker · 27/12/2019 22:17

My 11yo DD and 7yo DD both still have their dodos. Little baby toys that they snuggle. They take them on sleepovers, holidays and if upset a wee snuggle with dodo always helps. Let her have her muzzy.

danadas · 27/12/2019 22:17

My almost 7 year old has a blanket that he has had from birth and he has that to sleep and when he is ill. I see no problem with it.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 27/12/2019 22:19

My 10 and 8 year old DC still have special toys to take to bed - why on earth not? Comfort is needed in life. It should be taken. He’s a meanie.

Starlight456 · 27/12/2019 22:20

My 12 Ds sleeps with a bed full of teddies. No different really.

I would tell her you will keep it at home.

DukeChatsworth · 27/12/2019 22:22

DD (14) still has a blanky that she sleeps with. She doesn’t have it if she sleeps out or if she has friends to sleep over, so she can do without it. It just gives her sentimental comfort so no harm at all and I’m pretty sure that by the time she’s an adult it’ll have been put away. Some kids just like a comforter. Hell some adults do! Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things. Her Dad has probably thought it was necessary but it really wasn’t. Why inflict hurt where no hurt is needed.

Timmythatyou · 27/12/2019 22:23

My 9 year old and most of his 9/10 year old friends still sleep with a special cuddly or comforter. I know cos they bring them on sleepovers. They don’t use them during the day at all. Of course your 7 year old should have her muzzy.

aibutohavethisusername · 27/12/2019 22:24

My DD has a blanky too and she is 18. It doesn’t go out of the house though!

MotherForkinShirtBalls · 27/12/2019 22:25

Dd is nearly 10 and has her teddy. Ds is 8 and has a variety of teddies. He did finally stop sucking his thumb last year. That was a lot of work.

Could your dd cut a strip of a comforter to pin inside her PJs for the nights she's with her dad? He doesn't need to know it's there and she has something for peace of mind.

Instagrump · 27/12/2019 22:25

My DD is 13 and has a stinking 'orrible comforter from when she was newborn. It's been sewn up a hundred times after it's been rubbed threadbare and breaks apart. She doesn't take it to sleepovers but it does stay in her bed and the whole family take great pleasure in playing piggy in the middle, throwing it to each other keeping it away from her. Or it gets hung on a light fitting, a door frame, hidden behind outlet backs (or hung the Christmas tree lately!).

It's not a big deal! Your ex needs to return your daughter's property! It's not doing any harm really is it?

TooMinty · 27/12/2019 22:27

Your Ex is an arse. My 7 year old DS not only has his blanket that he's slept with since a baby, a panda he's had since he was 18 months but we also buy him new soft toys all the time to sleep with because he loves them. And he will have them til he decides he doesn't need them. Your poor DD.

IWonderAsIWander · 27/12/2019 22:29

My DC1 is 18 and still sleeps with his blanky (or the remains thereof). He doesn't carry it around in the daytime any more, though.

Divebar · 27/12/2019 22:29

Why in gods name would you take it away? What a dick? We’ve got a teddy that goes to bed with my DD7 and my niece has a scrap of fabric that was once a cloth comforter and she’s 8. Honestly people are twats if they think this is a necessary thing to do to little kids.

Aceinthehole · 27/12/2019 22:31

Can not fathom why anyone has an issue with a human taking comfort in something? My 85 year old Dad died two years ago with his hanky under his pillow, like he'd had every day of his life. I'm assuming you and your daughters Dad agreed to give it to her, what harm is it causing? It's not a bottle!

drspouse · 27/12/2019 22:32

My 7yo has one, he has SEN but I know he's not the only one. He doesn't suck it either. He is more attached to his teddies so we kind of misplace it or leave it in the wash basket every so often and he misses it less these days.

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