Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my 7 year old have a comforter

62 replies

Bumpyroads · 27/12/2019 22:06

I have a problem the is causing both me and my daughter a lot of stress and anxiety.
She is 7 years old and has a muslin square as a comforter at night or when she's upset. She likes to "snuggle" with it and puts it up to her mouth making sucking noises. She doesn't actually suck it.
She came home from her dad's house today and he had "forgotten" to bring it home with her. She later told me that her dad had taken it away from her, hidden it and made her go to bed without it. He says that she is too old for it and it is bad for tooth development.
She says herself that it helps her calm down. Today I bought her a new one to go to bed with as she was so distressed although not the same as her one it has helped a bit. Aibu letting her have a muzzy?

OP posts:
mumtomaxwell · 27/12/2019 22:32

I’m 42 and still have my comforter - it’s a stuffed toy. In my whole life I’ve only had a handful of days/nights without it!! Your poor DD - her dad is cruel IMO.

IWonderAsIWander · 27/12/2019 22:32

@MotherForkinShirtBalls suggestion is a good one. I cut a bit off DS's blanky when he started prep school (he took Blanky with him in pre-prep) and pinned it inside his shorts pocket so he could have a bit to touch, if he was feeling in need of comfort. He was a little homebody and found school very difficult for a while, so it helped him.

Winterdaysarehere · 27/12/2019 22:36

I would keep dd home until it arrives in the post. What a fucking twat.

Original poster
Bumpyroads · 27/12/2019 22:37

Thank you for all the replies. It's good to know that it's completely normal to have some sort of comforter at this age. I don't want to argue with her dad about it so I think I will suggest to her we keep muzzy at our house as I know she can do one night without it at her dad's although she does find it hard. At least we know that it is safe then. Hopefully he will return it tomorrow when she sees him. She has been crying all day about it.

OP posts:
Squidsister · 27/12/2019 22:39

11 year old DS still has a muslin blanky, he finds it a comfort, and what’s the harm? He doesn’t suck it though. He doesn’t take it on sleepovers so can manage without it. Why the rush to get rid of it?

Jackrussellsarecute · 27/12/2019 22:40

It’s no problem at all, my cousin went on her gap year travelling with her muzzle!! Said it was small and reminded her of home. If it was a dummy I’d be saying get shut but a piece of soft fabric? No problem at all

MintyMabel · 27/12/2019 22:40

DD (10) has a soft toy she can’t sleep without. Sometimes she has it during the day if she is anxious about things. I’d be furious if someone else decided she was too old for it. She’ll decide when it’s time.

MintyMabel · 27/12/2019 22:42

she can do one night without it at her dad's although she does find it hard

Nope. He’s either on board with it or she doesn’t go there. Fight her corner for her, don’t let her think her needs come after his. She is 7 ffs.

olivertwistwantsmore · 27/12/2019 22:47

My 13yo ds still likes his muzzy... at 7 I’d have been outraged if his dad had taken it off him.

hm246 · 27/12/2019 22:47

I have a friend (we are all in our late 20s early 30s) who still has a pillow case too sleep with. It came on many holidays to Ibiza. If it helps her to sleep and comfort her I think it’s perfectly fine.

Original poster
Bumpyroads · 27/12/2019 22:49

@MintyMabel I want to fight her corner but I don't want her to be stuck in the middle of an argument over her muzzy. I try my best to co parent but this is the first thing we have disagreed on and I'm not sure how to handle it. I am so angry with him as I know how upsetting it must be for DD.

OP posts:
shoebedobedobedobedoo · 27/12/2019 22:49

I had my ‘blanky’ until I was 34 and met DH. Blanky came on all my school trips, holidays. My friends and housemates knew. I would never take away a comforter.

sparkle67 · 27/12/2019 22:50

Jesus Christ I had a scraggy old blanket that I slowly pulled apart until I had my daughter 6 months ago! I'm 34... totally fine and a comfort thing.... I think also because i Constantly twiddled the blanket it was something to do with my hands??!!

It's awful he's taken it from her, if my daughter had a blanket or comforter her whole life that's fine by me, the only thing I wouldn't like is thumb sucking because I did it until I was 15 and it ruined my top teeth Sad

AllTheProsecco · 27/12/2019 22:51

28 and still have my doll. It still slept in my bed until I met DH and probably still would if I didn't have small babies in my bed instead!

Greenmarmalade · 27/12/2019 22:51

mintymabel
Unfortunately, courts don’t see it that way. Otherwise, I’d agree with you.

OP you’re a lovely, empathetic mum.

eaglejulesk · 27/12/2019 22:53

We all need some form of comfort at times, and it's not doing her any harm. Her Dad is just being controlling. Poor wee girl.

MintyMabel · 27/12/2019 22:53

@Bumpyroads

You handle it by putting your foot down and letting him know he can’t make these kind of decisions unilaterally, letting her know you have her back. She won’t be in the middle of it.

There is no way on earth I would send my daughter somewhere she had to get through the night without her soft toy.

sparkle67 · 27/12/2019 22:54

@shoebedobedobedobedoo I met my DH and he thought it was cute apparently Grin it's go with me everywhere too and I'd panic if I couldn't find it, it became smaller & smaller because I'd make knots and pull the threads... it always had to be a chenille throw... and I never washed it Confusedthis is making me want another Hmm

MintyMabel · 27/12/2019 22:54

Unfortunately, courts don’t see it that way. Otherwise, I’d agree with you.

I wouldn’t give a shit about that. If he is a decent father it would never come to that.

billy1966 · 27/12/2019 23:02

OP,
Your ex is wrong and what's more he's a twat.

He doesn't get to decide when your child moves on from a comfortor. She does.

Her boundaries have been crossed.

One of my children, at 18, has a favourite soft toy on their bed.
Neither my husband nor I, would dream of commenting on it negatively.
Whether it's nostalgia or occasional comfort doesn't matter.
It's my child's choice.

Stand up for your child please.

AdaFromYorkshire · 27/12/2019 23:05

DC who is mid 20s and has a busy and stressful job still has a manky old cuddly toy which usually sits at the bedside but gets cuddled when necessary. It's an important part of stress relief. Seven is far too young to even think about getting rid of a comforter, your poor DD.

Stefoscope · 27/12/2019 23:12

I don't see an issue with comfort blankets/toys at bedtime in the safety and privacy of a home setting. I do remember one guy who used to noisely suck his thumb in University lectures (so he was late teens/early twenties) that was somewhat distracting and cringey.

Excited101 · 27/12/2019 23:16

I used to always sleep with a special blanket until it went missing on a (secondary) school trip. After that I only ever had a tiny piece that had been cut off it years before. It’s been in my ‘special box’ for years now.

pintoffginplz · 27/12/2019 23:17

Wow your ex is a tool Angry
He's got no right to take her comfort away bless her. Tell him bloddy straight that she can keep her blanket.

My 2 boys love their blankets (10,8) we have 4 between them, my eldest had one and my youngest then followed him lol. I love watching them sleep holding them ❤️

Britannah · 27/12/2019 23:17

I’m 31 and still sleep with a muslin square. It was only when I went to uni that I realised how many adults have a form of comforter to sleep with. It’s only a problem if it’s a problem to you.