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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let my 7 year old have a comforter

62 replies

Bumpyroads · 27/12/2019 22:06

I have a problem the is causing both me and my daughter a lot of stress and anxiety.
She is 7 years old and has a muslin square as a comforter at night or when she's upset. She likes to "snuggle" with it and puts it up to her mouth making sucking noises. She doesn't actually suck it.
She came home from her dad's house today and he had "forgotten" to bring it home with her. She later told me that her dad had taken it away from her, hidden it and made her go to bed without it. He says that she is too old for it and it is bad for tooth development.
She says herself that it helps her calm down. Today I bought her a new one to go to bed with as she was so distressed although not the same as her one it has helped a bit. Aibu letting her have a muzzy?

OP posts:
Timmythatyou · 28/12/2019 06:33

Both our kids also have a sea of soft toys on their beds and show no sign of slowing down on wanting new ones. They’re 7&9.

PositiveVibez · 28/12/2019 06:50

My 11yo DD still has a teddy she sleeps with that she's had from birth.

He's like an extra family member. Comes on holiday with us etc.

He stays in her bed and only comes out for a wash or if she's staying overnight somewhere.

I see zero issues with this. It's just a comfort and doesn't interfere in daily life in any way, shape or form.

coconutty101 · 28/12/2019 07:09

I'm 30 and still have a comforter 😂
Let her have one!!
And tell her dad he's out of order!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 28/12/2019 07:31

Does he think she is actually sucking it? Are you sure she isn't.? If she is actually sucking it then I think its fair enough to remove it. If she isnt then let her keep it. I do think its a bit odd to be making sucking noises if you arent sucking it though.

Peppapeppapeppapeppa · 28/12/2019 07:38

My DH is lovely in a million ways but keeps going on about our 3 year old being 'too attached' to his soft toy and 'too dependent' on it for comfort. He is 3 years old! I don't understand it at all.

billy1966 · 28/12/2019 18:42

You handle it OP by telling your ex calmly that he has made a mistake in taking his daughters comforter away.

Tell him she will be having one at your home and that you support her wish to have one.

Make it clear that it is up to him what he decides to do but that he has chosen to do something that has really upset his daughter and she will now associate him with this action.

Tell him clearly that you will not be supporting this decision he has made.

If he wishes to be a twat there isn't a lot you can do. You can tell your DD that she is most welcome to have a comforter at home with you.

SpaceDinosaur · 28/12/2019 19:00

Her dad is setting himself up for her to resent him in years to come. Your home has you and her comforter. Her dad has literally torn that constant and security from her and although not visible now, she will resent him and it is all his stupid pig headed fault.

I still have my Teddy from childhood. So does my husband. Nobody forced us to get rid of them as children (or teens) we did that in our own time.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/12/2019 19:01

My son is 23 and still keeps his baby "blankie" folded under one of his pillows. He doesn't cuddle it anymore but he says it's his good luck charm. Grin

My daughter is 20 and she still sleeps with hers. I think it's sweet. It's a bit of comfort in a crazy world. There is certainly no harm in it.

You ex is a massive prick and I would be having words with him.

ShinyMe · 28/12/2019 19:17

I'm 47 and I only stopped sleeping with my bantat in 2012, and that was because the new cat I adopted kept trying to eat it. It was once a full size white cot blanket with satin ribbon edges, and by the time I was 7 it was a long string of ribbon with tattered blanket bits. Now it's just a few shreds of knot, kept in a hanky for safety. I'm fine without it now, but I still get it out in periods of stress or if I'm very upset. We went abroad for 6 months when I was about 8 and I had to leave it behind - I managed fine and they thought I'd grown out of it, but when we got home I went straight back to it.

It's comforting! Let her have it. She'll grow out of it in her own time, probably. And if she doesn't, then it does no harm, and lots of good.

ShinyMe · 28/12/2019 19:21

I never actually sucked mine, but it's a natural human thing to do - the tongue curls back and makes sucking type motions. I still get comfort now if I'm stressed by rubbing a finger gently on my top lip, and I know that my tongue curls back when I do it.

actiongirl1978 · 28/12/2019 19:26

I sucked my fingers until I was 25 - generally not in public after about 16 though. I still find the urge to suck them when I am bone tired and I'm 42 and a mother of 2 now.

He is being VVVV unreasonable.

FixItUpChappie · 28/12/2019 19:34

YANBU, but she should probably drop it soon

Why should she? Why cant she decide for herself when she doesn't want it any more?Confused Its not a dummy that's hurting her teeth.

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