To think that Health visitors are a certain annoying breed generally?

[Moomin8]

I've just had my 4th baby and the health visitor came the other day. I found her really annoying and rude. First of all she came walking into my living room in her dirty boots and got mud all over my newly cleaned carpet.

My youngest before dc4 is 10 years old and the HV said she was going to therefore talk to me as if I'd never actually had a baby she also wanted to look in my bedroom - I told her no.

Then I thought back to my older dc and their HVs and realised they are all pretty much the same whereas midwives, when they visit are really nice and helpful usually and don't speak to you as though you're an idiot. I'm a 39 year old university educated person and I find these people intrusive and annoying.

What is it with health visitors?

I've had two DC and I've never been asked if they can look at where the baby is sleeping. That's so strange! But I had one HV however that almost made me burst into tears when she disagreed with me when I shared my concerns regarding DS2 vomiting and weight loss. She snapped as said it was normal and I was being ridiculous. Turns out he had reflux and the weightloss definitely wasn't normal.

Let's generalise an entire health profession over your experience

As a student nurse and just about to go into a health visiting placement I find some of these comments depressing, some bizarre but will also take them forward into my practice and try to be as useful as possible!

Possibly bad luck but both of mine were rude, intrusive and patronising!

My friend had this experience with her HV many years ago:
She had a 14 month old and a 1 month old. The HV came round for about 3 weeks on the trot and was generally disempowering - at a time when friend doing fine but was a bit exhausted, still dealing with builders ( 2nd baby came a bit early, builders behind schedule) etc. Eventually friend's husband said he would pop home for lunch early to give her a bit of back up at the next HV visit.

HV arrived, after 10 mins or so husband arrived
Husband " so what is the purpose if these visits then?
HV - "we can pick up if there is an issue"
Husband: "what sort of issue?"
HV : "well, baby not developing properly for example"
Husband " so if that happens what's the next step?"
HV " well we would refer you to the GP"

Husband " but ........ I am the GP, you work from out of our practice. If you don't come then we can just cut out the middle man then? "

I know this will trigger lots if 'well professionals are the last to see their child has a problem' type posts. but I thought it might make some if you smile, frankly, you couldn't make it up (and I haven't !)
Sending best wishes all new mum's - you will get there, we all did xxx

Yep, mine was incredibly patronising and incompetent. DS was born several weeks early, but she kept referring to the growth charts and saying he wasn't heavy enough so told us to feed him more and more often. That put pressure and stress on us and caused him to be very unsettled, After a few months, she started saying he was too heavy and told us we were feeding him too much and too often! We later discovered she was wrong to base the charts on his actual birth date and should have been working to his expected due date instead. It was just one of many mistakes she made when dealing with a premature baby - she did the same with other milestones. Thankfully, we started ignoring her and eventually we stopped seeing her.

So, essentially the main problem is they aren't listening to the parents?

Some comments come across as incredibly patronising and others quite harsh. My sister was in tears after her hv pulled a piece of fluff from between nephews fingers and asked 'well how long has this been here?'
When he was gaining weight quickly all his feeds were listed to 'see what she was doing wrong'

The way some hv speak really make new parents feel like they are doing a crap job and are being massively judged.

@Beelzebop

I loved my health visiting placement. I would advise you against going in with any pre-conceived ideas, gained from an internet forum. The reality of HV is nothing like how it is being portrayed on here, for the most part. However, @Feelinggoodashell is on the money with her posts.

Internet forums are notorious for trolls and Mumsnet certainly have their fair share. There will be posters on this thread who have their own agenda. A poster has pointed that out saying don’t take it personally, that poster has a bee in their bonnet about most health professionals. It’s a recurring theme.

As you will know from your nursing studies, anyone can write anything. As nurses we have to be able to tell whether what someone has written is accurate, reliable and valid. An internet forum, full of anonymous posters is the last place you would look for this type of evidence. Whilst you are on your placement, have a look to see whether there is any reliable and valid research available concerning parent's experience of the health visiting service. This would tell you far more than an internet forum.

Good luck with your placement.

Thank you

I never found them particularly helpful. I used to take my prem baby to be weighed every week. I was a slightly concerned and isolated first time Mum but the weekly 40 minute walk into town did me good. Getting out of the house gave my mental health a lift plus the exercise was good. It also meant that I would have people to talk to in the waiting room etc.

My baby was 4 months old and I turned up for the weighing. The health visitor laid into me for coming every week telling me I didn't need to come so often (they weren't busy, only a couple of other babies there). I explained that I did it to get out of the house as I was feeling lonely. Her response was "well, walk into town, come in, say hello and go home again."

The stupid woman missed the big red flag for PND with me saying that I felt lonely and coming there have me a purpose.

I cried the whole of the 40 minute walk home and never went back.

That was 11 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday.

I would like to know whether the existence of HVs does mean better outcomes for mothers and babies compared with other countries where there are no home visits.

My HV was so incredibly incompetent when my son was born and with hindsight completely clueless regarding new borns!

I was worried about how much I was feeding my baby and she advised to exclusively express so I could see how much came out. She also told me this wouldn't affect my supply.
After a week of expressing my milk dried up up completely and I couldnt breastfeed anymore.

She also advised me not to give him a dummy because they are 'useless'. And she tried relentlessly to diagnose me with post natal depression even though I was absolutely fine.
Total idiot.

I’m currently pregnant with my first - how many visits is the norm from the HV?

Depends where you live/how stretched they are! - I had DS1 in Croydon and had 1 home visit at 10 days. I'm expecting DC2 in a different town and had an antenatal visit at 33 weeks and I think she said we get 3 home visits after (10 days, 6 weeks, and another one too)

My first HV was vile and the second came round once filled out a form and I never saw or heard from her again.

However first HV had an assistant who is / was amazing!! DD is 14 now yet only 2 weeks ago I was stopped in the street by this lady asking me how dd was .. and she remembered both our names. She is just one if the warmest kindest people I've ever met. It was her who mopped up my tears when I was beyond exhausted, helped me when breastfeeding got hard and SOMEHOW persuaded dd to drink milk from a cup.

@Beelzebop I Completely agree with @Barmymammy

I hope you enjoy your placement and the rest of your training. I qualified 15 years ago and I have absolutely loved being a nurse, being there for people when they need you, always something to learn and so many opportunities. Good luck!

Ours was awful, always criticizing something. I was really down one day, and quite ill (have chronic pain in rib area) and HV came..and started moaning on that there was a tea stain on my kitchen bench! As there was nothing else to twist about. I broke down completely at that and basically my husband rang someone, told them not to send HV anymore..and we haven't seen her since. Couldn't stand her. The first one we got was lovely and actually said that she would be quite concerned if hose was immaculate all the time with a toddler and a baby!

That’s heartbreaking @56Marshmallow. I hope you got the support you needed eventually.

I think one of the obstacles with Health Visiting is that it straddles the line between support and unsolicited advice. I expect good health visitors (like the lovely ones who have posted here or been posted about on here) will focus on listening to the parent(s) rather than jumping into advice-giving.

I do agree that it seems to attract people with overbearing ‘Advice-Giving’ personality types though. I actually think it attracts a similar sort of person to Life Coaches etc. The difference is that you know your Life Coach’s advice is strictly optional.

Also first HV was so supportive and friendly, actually answered questions and actually helped me with my attempt to breastfeed.

Second one (first went on maternity leave) told me I was starving my baby as not producing enough milk and told me to get bottles. Also told me not to ever let baby fall asleep in my arms, as if I do that, he would never sleep in a cot Which was bollocks. So besides being picky and annoying, she also gave bad advice. Was pointless having her 'checking in' every few weeks or so. Could have dealt with the first one as she kind of became like a friend, but the one we ended up with..was basically cruella de vill

There wouldn’t be a problem if they let parents know thy at their service was optional and didn’t cause a fuss when people opted out of the service.

As PP have pointed out there are months leading up to the birth for midwives and other professionals to spot potential safeguarding issues.

If some parents knew the service was optional they would back out straight away leaving their children vulnerable. Not talking about the majority of parents here but those who do not want visitors as they may be neglecting their children. The service in my area says visits are offered so whilst it does not say ‘this is an optional service’ it is implied by the word ‘offer’. I understand this may not seem right but imagine a family with a long history of neglecting their children who improves only so that social care gets off their backs, they then have another baby and decline HV input. Child may then well not be seen other than at GP until school age. That’s if they go to GP which many don’t after the 8 week appointment.

I’ve read the full thread and am horrified by some experiences. However for every bad HV there will be a dozen good ones. Please complain about the way you have been made to feel so that this can be impressed and the service is improved and any individual practitioners can be spoken to. There was one particular HV at clinic that everyone dreaded seeing and some actively avoided yet the service received no complaints about her.

Hi all, I just wanted to apologise if my earlier post offended. I can see it has been deleted. I wasn't wishing death on my health visitor, nor anyone for that matter - I used a turn of phrase I use probably ten times a day but I know it is horrible. I will be stepping away from this thread as I have nothing positive to add and clearly still too upset by my own experience.

@SuperFurryDoggy I ended up discovering a Children's Centre in a nearby town. The staff there were so lovely!

I had a baby a year after my first and, one day, the Centre Manager must have seen how haggered I looked with a newborn and a 15 month old.

She told me to put the baby seat in the corner, make myself a cup of tea and put my feet up. She took.the toddler in the playroom and entertained her for half an hour while I had a break.

She was a lovely woman. There were several members of staff there who were fab. I went to that Children's Centre for years and I'm still friendly with the people that worked there now.

I don't know how young Mums cope now without those Children's Centres.