To think that Health visitors are a certain annoying breed generally?

[Moomin8]

I've just had my 4th baby and the health visitor came the other day. I found her really annoying and rude. First of all she came walking into my living room in her dirty boots and got mud all over my newly cleaned carpet.

My youngest before dc4 is 10 years old and the HV said she was going to therefore talk to me as if I'd never actually had a baby she also wanted to look in my bedroom - I told her no.

Then I thought back to my older dc and their HVs and realised they are all pretty much the same whereas midwives, when they visit are really nice and helpful usually and don't speak to you as though you're an idiot. I'm a 39 year old university educated person and I find these people intrusive and annoying.

What is it with health visitors?

HV are all qualified midwives, some of them unfortunately have a superiority complex. It’s worth remembering that they are visitors in your home and should show respect as such.
Do not be intimidated they have no special or unique powers.

HV are NOT all qualified midwives. So much inaccurate information on here!

Typical, a HV posts on here and you all lay into her! The pack mentality on here is nauseating.

I could stand my HV team. I'm shocked beyond belief that they have professional training beyond a few PowerPoints. The ones at my doctor's surgery where incredibly patronising, uncontactable, missed appointments and made some very bad medical calls. From my first appointment they had it pretty clear that they thought all the middle class mothers in our area were ridiculous. They asked probing questions about lots of aspects of my life (support, plans for childcare, feeding choices) but didn't have compassionate or informed replies. The checks were a horrible waste of NHS time. It was simply me filling out a form and when I did have questions about development they looked at my child and said 'they seem normal'. Horrible waste of NHS money and new mothers time.

Typical, a HV posts on here and you all lay into her! The pack mentality on here is nauseating.

How do you define pack mentality? Is it OK for one woman to share a negative experience? Or two? But any more than that and it's a pack mentality?

The attitude that women should not discuss negative experiences that they have had at the hands of healthcare professionals is very sinister. Why would anyone want to sweep bad experiences under the carpet?

I didn’t have my son as a baby so he just had the two year check with me.

At the time I lived in a basement flat with front and back garden, when the HV arrived she complained that she had left her bag in the car and would have to go upstairs to collect it, she asked me if I would. Leave my son with a complete stranger because they can’t be bothered to walk up six stairs?! No way.

She constantly went on about how it was such a shame that he was being adopted by me and that birth parents need to be given more chances. What, more chances to abuse their children?!

Her final performance was when she attempted to remove his hearing aids because “small batteries are dangerous”. There was only one dangerous thing in that room, her!

The attitude that women should not discuss negative experiences that they have had at the hands of healthcare professionals is very sinister. Why would anyone want to sweep bad experiences under the carpet?

It’s not a balanced discussion though, is it? Internet forums aren’t the best place to discuss anything. Time and time again you read stuff on forums which may or may not be accurate. Posters are anonymous and can post vindictive, unpleasant comments without comeback. Trolls on Mumsnet are frequent, so how can anyone know how much of what’s been posted on here is actually true.

One ok HV, one shit one. They missed my DC tongue tie, insisted it was fine, then blamed his "failing to thrive" on me because I obviously wasn't feeding him enough, didn't produce enough milk, wasn't trying hard enough" (he was latched 23 hours a day from 7 weeks to 18 when it was finally dx)

I was in bits, exhausted, shredded nipples and terrified for my tiny baby who wasn't gaining any weight. I was taken into a side room and told I'd failed at breastfeeding. I begged for help for TEN weeks. Weekly weigh ins and feeling like I was humiliated when DC hadn't gained anything. I insisted he had a TT, they insisted he didn't, refused to refer, offered no help or support other than "give DC formula". She got the scales wrong more than once, it was showing -Xx.x and she didn't notice, looked like DC was losing more weight etc.

He did have a TT, I had to travel out of area to a different BF support group where he was immediately dx and refered onwards for TT, because it was so late (19 weeks) he was too old for my area where the cut off for having TT divided is 16 weeks.

My original HV went above and beyond to find me an out if area NHS appointment for TT division and I'm still grateful to her for doing that. I felt vindicated.

Other HV never accepted she'd been wrong about TT/breastfeeding. Instead, she instead started on about how she didn't agree with BLW, she thought it was dangerous and scary. I just nodded and smiled and went to a different weighing clinic where I did my best to just get in/out and not engage.

I am stronger, older and more knowledgeable now but I'll never forget how much of a failing mother than HV made me feel and how devastated I was by her dismissive and blaming attitude.

I also saw her tell one mother than she needed to put her six month old exclusively breastfed baby on a diet and to restrict feeds because he was too big. "Don't be ridiculous" came the reply.

Oh dear, a few belters on here. I’ve met the odd rubbish health visitor, personally and professionally, but on the whole they have been great, friendly and supportive. I’ve felt able to disagree with them and felt respected. People seem very defensive about them here, but in some cases I can see why based on the story.

To summarise, this thread is worthless in its evaluation of the HV profession. So many factors come into play on Internet forums. Raise a sensitive topic and you will get honest decent people posting along with trouble makers, trolls and the terminally bored just out to amuse themselves. How can anyone know which is which. Sadly you also get witch hunts, scaremongering and a pack mentality. You have to be living in a cave to not know all this.

Mumsnet seem to believe that they are providing an opportunity for a sensible discussion but they are clearly deluded.

I am still getting notification for this thread due being tagged in posts but I really don’t have any further interest in following the thread.

I have already said on this thread that reading the negative experiences of so many has made me sad and i urge people to report the poor practice. It does not matter if there’s no evidence as if multiple parents report the same health visitor for similar things it will build a pattern and influence change.

I was offended only by the comment that as I’m not a mother I shouldn’t have been a health visitor. I find this absolutely insulting. And ridiculous given the poster has claimed to never had a good health visitor previously and When I worked as a health visitor I received so much gratitude from the clients and positive feedback. So this opinion is based on bias and prejudice against women who are not mothers being less than their counterparts Due to not going through the “right of passage” of giving birth. Which I find Absolutely insulting, anti feminist and ignorant.

So many awful stories here :( what a shame for you all to have had that experience esp the first time mums.

I was extremely fortunate with mine ( didn’t realise the extent until reading this) the first made extra visits and supported me through a difficult time with my mental health after the birth of dd1. She was my HV after dd2 11 years later and helped me get my eldest extra support which lead to her adhd diagnosis and some counselling for us as a family unit which I’d been unable to get alone. I’d Imagine that was technically out of her remit but I am eternally grateful for it. I never felt rushed or unable to talk to her about anything.

She retired before I had my third and the new HV was so supportive of extended bf of dd2 alongside baby dd3. She got me an emergency gp appointment, again for my mental health when i was struggling and needed that little push to get help. I haven’t seen her much at all since then because the service is so incredibly stretched and by now I’ve a fair idea what’s what and like to leave the appointments for anyone who needed her like I did before.

The midwife I had after dd2 was pants though. And scoffed that I read too much when I mentioned something I’d read re weight loss in baby after mum having an iv. Glad she wasn’t my first.

It's not supposed to be an evaluation of the profession. I agree that some of the comments / language are unacceptable and hurtful but trying to undermine the basic premise of the thread ie a group of forum users sharing their negative experiences of health visitors by implying we are all trolls or have a 'pack mentality' is also unacceptable. It would be really easy to 'balance' it by starting another thread to share peoples positive experiences.

No one said you are all trolls and all have a pack mentality but realistically how does anyone know what is true? You don’t is the answer!

It's a chat, not a court case or an academic study. About half the posts are people saying they found their health visitor experience just fine. Is that a pack mentality as well?

And we have no idea if the people posting saying that they are health visitors are telling the truth either.

If Mumsnet should be pulling threads on the basis that we don't know if every experience shared is 100% accurate, then you'd have to accept that the whole concept of a chat forum would have to be pulled, not just one thread.

Or for that matter, what if a group of women meet at a mother and toddler group. Are they allowed to discuss their hv experience? How does any of them know that the other is telling the truth?

It just all sounds very much like telling women to be quiet and know their place.

There must be some good to very good HVs around, I don’t doubt it, but my personal experience of HVs - in three different London boroughs - was that they were patronising in the extreme and served no real purpose. The last time, when I had DD after DS 1 and 2, she kept telling me I was lucky to have had the boys first as having a girl would be a revelation to me now, all boys being so backward, slow to develop etc etc. She continued in this vein for a while before loudly confiding in front of my husband and brother that God was actually a woman. Completely bonkers.

At the time I was too stunned to respond much, but actually I wish I’d reported her.

I've been lucky with mine.

That's exactly the point I was trying to make @isabellerossignol except you've made it far more eloquently than I did!

Where are the local fora run by CCGs to receive feedback then. How many women/families have ever received a feedback form the HV service? It's an extraordinarily closing ranks sort of service.

It took me making a formal complaint to the ceo of the local trust to receive clarity about whether the service was optional or not. It may have been 25 years ago but my understanding is that the transparency and clarity about the purpose of the service is worse now than then.

I am very sorry if an hv is offended by my view that hv's should be mothers. I stand by that view. They don't have to be midwives any more and I don't think a few years' nursing experience and conversion course cuts it. A degree of life experuence is necessary and I say that from bitter experience as my HV was no more than 30 and could not comprehend the physical brutality of 12 weeks post partum but neither could she turn up on time for her first appointment.

12 days post partum.

@Feelinggoodashell don’t take it personally, that poster has a bee in their bonnet about most health professionals. It’s a recurring theme.

Years ago we had a family admitted to the ward whose mother insisted their child could only be looked after by nurses who had children themselves 🙄 (Which was impossible as most of us didn’t). You can imagine the inward groans every time they came in.

TBH when the first words that come out of a HV's mouth are "And how are WE today? what have WE been doing since our last visit? Are WE managing ok with DSD and BABY, mum?", then it's a given that I'm going to answer with, "Well I don't know what WE'VE been doing because I haven't been with you, I can only say how I'm feeling because I'm not you and lastly we all have names please use them!". Maybe if HV's viewed the parents as equals and talked to them properly (not using the high pitched annoying tone reserved for naughty toddlers), then maybe those that need their help and support would feel more inclined to engage with them.

I had a really lovely health visitor with DD2, couldn't fault her. She was really knowledgable, reassuring and lovely. I was going through really bad baby blues and so worried about DD1 adjusting and she made me feel so much better. Neither of the HV's I've had for either DD have asked to look around the house either? Both my experiences have been great.

I have twice asked for help from HCP's in relation to my children. Once after bouts of mastitis and unbearable breast pain I asked my hv for help. The response despite robust instructions to breast feed for the baby's health "wrap yourself in a blanket and sit by the fire - well I'm not an expert, phone the NCT"

When dd was cutting and od'g aged 16, CAMHS (nurse) told me to get suport off the internet because waits were long and no they didn't refer. DD was offered something wholly inaccessible that would have made her worse and they refused to offer an alternative despite what was written on their website.

Both times the people (nurses) concerned didn't seem to want to put themselves out and both times were economical and disingenuous about their actions. Both times their managers tried to cover it up. Both times GP acknowledged there was a problem and tried to help.

Would I ask a nurse for help again. Never Never ever. In fact I accept that acceptable care is not available on the NHS when one is most in need and that it has to be engaged privately.

There is something around two sides to a bargain fir wantof a better word. If women are to facilitate the surveillance aspect then the advice and support aspect has to be second to none.

By the way I had a routine mammogram last week. The radiographer was superb and I have written to say so but there are rafts of attitude in the NHS particularly relating to services led by nurses that are not acceptable. As a poster above has mentioned turning it round starts with having sufficient respect to use people's names.

ohtheroses the wait for CAMHS is so long because services have been cut to the bone.

However as a volunteer for a parenting charity I know what services locally support people with cutting and other self harm practices. It'd expect a HCP to also know this.

Your posts are clear and concise but your hatred of HCPs in general comes through loud and clear on any thread like this. I can tell you right now that you're the one they groan about and and mutter "one of those."

And it's a shame as your dismissive attitude makes me question how real your experiences are. Does anyone EVER get anything right for you? Or is everyone incompetent?