To think that Health visitors are a certain annoying breed generally?

[Moomin8]

I've just had my 4th baby and the health visitor came the other day. I found her really annoying and rude. First of all she came walking into my living room in her dirty boots and got mud all over my newly cleaned carpet.

My youngest before dc4 is 10 years old and the HV said she was going to therefore talk to me as if I'd never actually had a baby she also wanted to look in my bedroom - I told her no.

Then I thought back to my older dc and their HVs and realised they are all pretty much the same whereas midwives, when they visit are really nice and helpful usually and don't speak to you as though you're an idiot. I'm a 39 year old university educated person and I find these people intrusive and annoying.

What is it with health visitors?

See PP!

That's fair enough that it matters to you, it doesn't to me but in full disclosure my partner was a Male care worker from 17 (backwoods of Wales decades ago) and it was a Male anaesthist and Male surgeon (as well as female doctors nurses and midwives) who saved my life and my babies so honestly after all that I dont care , I'm grateful to everyone who saved us irrelevant of their gender. However I entirely respect the right of women who dont feel comfortable.

My point was he was rubbish and condescending whether he was Male or female.

@Moomin8 pretty simple. You ring them and say you want to withdraw from their services. Mine then sent a letter and I had to sign it to say I was withdrawing. They then sent another letter about 4 month later asking me to withdraw again, which i ignored. I access the ages and stages questionnaire online and there is a score sheet too which I use just to double check. Obviously if I had any issues re development I would go straight to gp. I did speak to an hv at a clinic re my child's language skills and they just said they would not even consider anything til 2years 3 months. I prefer to access services as and when I need them, rather than receiving a letter to visit me wit a time that is only appropriate for them when I'm at work! 😳

I have twins who are both autistic. One had a lot of health issues from birth, months in nicu, and the support from the HV was invaluable. After we moved the HVs we’ve had haven’t been as good but it was the 2 year check that picked up that DT1 had some serious issues we hadn’t considered (DT2 was already being assessed for ASD) and led to his diagnosis.

I understand if you don’t want regular HV visits, fair enough. But I would absolutely have the 10 month and 2 year checks - I know quite a lot of mums for whom the 2 year check specifically picked up on things and meant they were referred for support and therapy which has been really helpful.

I understand if you don’t want regular HV visits, fair enough. But I would absolutely have the 10 month and 2 year checks - I know quite a lot of mums for whom the 2 year check specifically picked up on things and meant they were referred for support and therapy which has been really helpful

That's good you were helped but at my dds two year check up, I specifically mentioned the milestone she hadn't reached yet...I could tell she had no idea what to say about it so glossed over it and asked if I took her out?! I went to the gp instead and got referred quickly.

This thread is horrific. Slating an entire profession saying they are only in a job because they need watching having death wished upon them- how the hell is this acceptable?

I had my first in the mid 90s and readings threads like this saddens me as it seems the service has not improved. Indeed of greater concern is the fact that organisations such as The Maternity Alliance are reporting increased referrals to SS when mothers actively refuse to engage with a sub-optimal service.

I shall never forget my interaction with the so called service. The day DS1 was 12 days old, after 4 midwives and two students had trotted through my house at random times, one of whom at the first visit rushed in and up the stairs before she was invited and whose main concern was my sex life and pelvic floor exercises (DS was 4.5 days old) and when I tried to say I did not wish to discuss it, cradled her left elbow in her right hand, waved her arm about in the air and said " well if you don't do da exercises now, dis is how it's gonna feel for da man - not even qualifying it with the dignity of referrig to my husband. This was followed by various chatty women, one of whom when I was hugely engorged with a v bloody nipple suggested I was doing so well that I could skip a vist the following day. No advice given whatsoever about mastitis symptoms and what to do. The next day I was very unwell with flu like symptoms, totally poleaxed. I phoned the hospital and the person I spoke with told me not to worry about the baby getting flu ecause he was protected by my antibodies. Early evening I felt wprse and phoned the maternity ward again and advised I had mastitis and needed antibiotics urgently and to call the dr urgently. The lovely receptionist berated me for not phoning earlier and told me all the drs had been working since 8.30am and no they wouldn't be writing a prescription for me to collect before closing. I woukd be referred instead to the emergency on-call.

At about 8pm a locum dr called gave me a prescription to be collected from a chemist in Earls Court, a tube ride away at least 30 mins, which shut at 9pm. DH made a mercy dash as the quack told me I was making a rod for my own back and was ill because babies needed 10 mins each side every four hours and that was more than enough.

Saw a practice GP the following day who nodded and murmured about being messed about and conflicting advice. I discharged myself from midwives later that day because they had been so unhelpful.

The following day at 08.50 I receive a letter from the HV telling me she would arrive at 9am. A toss up between changing the baby and getting dressed so I changed the baby. She finally arrived at 9.20 because the traffic was bad. Now in my world if you had a 9am apt, you allowed for the traffic it's not as though her previous client held her up. Had she said 9.20 or even 9.15 I'd have been dressed and significantly less disempowered.

I explained what had happened and the response I got was "midwives are nothing to do with us" no sympathy, no empathy. We then did the paperwprk without her once inquiring how I was or saying congratlatuons but she ticked off the edinburgh scale and said she'd be back in two weeks - this time at a more civilised hour of 11am. I asked what qualified her for her role, I was 35, she was very very young and she got arsy. Bearing in mind the incompetence I had already endured and shared with her I think that was a perfectly reasonable question. She also told me breast was best and all women could feed and she was responsible for immunising my baby. I ventured I thought that was my responsibility - oh well er yes.

My mastitis cleared but feeding was still hard, more because I seemed to have copious milk supplies.

Back she came and told me again breast was best, immunisation essential which I agreed but I asked for some more information about the links with allergies and single jabs (this was 25 years ago remember). I was informed that she only knew what was written in the leaflet so I asked her to find out the information as she was instructing me to immunise. So she wrote to the immunologist and said I had a baby with breathing difficulties and wanted more advice. Not true so clearly her listening was an issue.

I was also instructed at this visit to attend the baby clinic. OK said I do I phone the dr and make an apt. No, evidently I had, had being the operative word, to turn up and queue in the surgery. I responded that f it was a mandatory visit I expected an apt and was told sitting and waiting with the other mothers would do me good. Not sure why.

I duly went the following week and a little brat waiting for the dr came over and i hastily had to scoop up my baby befofe snot was dripped all over him. Eventually I was called in. Different HV who was quite ungracious a "undress him and putcher baby on the scales type". I did noting the scale was set at -15 oz. HV was about to write 2oz gain wwhen I pointed this out and asked for the scale to be recalibrated. The bsbyhad gained 17oz. There was no apology just reiteration and i seem to recall teeth were kissed.

Hey ho - in the next week feeding became excrutiating. The right nipple broke down again and I literally could barely move for an hour after each feed such was the pain. So I phoned the hv and asked for help. Her response "I'm not an expert what do you expect and suggested I wrap myself in a blanket and phone the NCT".

So, I phoned the NCT who suggested an electric pump to rest the nipples and gave me the no of the pump lady. The pump lady was horrified when she saw me but showed me what to do and said she wpuld be an hour. She came back with a tin of milupa and some special bottles and showed me what to do with them. That was an utter turning point and she cared. She was a volunteer rather than a paid professional. It was too late to stop the PND though.

However I contacted the head HV and asked what the role of the HV was. I was told it was to make sure I spoke to my baby enough for him to develop speech. I was also told that I did not have to engage with the service but then she asked other health visitirs to start bothering me. The one positive was that I was so cross I bought a copy of the Iliad and the Odyssey and read it to the baby. 22 years later he took a first in classics!

I eventually made a formal complaint to the Trust and only at that point was there a. a proper apology and b. proper confirmation that the service is optional.

It was an utter disgrace and I never ever saw another HV. If my babies needed help and gosh we did ears big time with both I sought the advice of a properly qualified doctor and ENT consultant and woukd have done similar had there been developmental issues. Subsequently I know so many families who have had genuine concerns brushed under the carpet.

At about this time the ceo of the HVA was all over the press pronouncing that the role of the HV was to teach ignorant women the three Cs: cooking, cleaning and communication. I am not and have never been an ignorant woman and do not, ever, expect to be treated in that vein. Sadly my hV and her boss didn't get the memo that not all mothers are ignorant.

It was shocking and it is reprehensible there continues to be such lack of clarity about this very poor service.

I wonder if those involved recognise themselves and if they have reflected that theor attitudes and practices were not edifying.

I think the OP's right - I think this branch does attract a certain type.

Threads like this warm my cockles and reassure me that I wasn't going mad when their home visits would leave me in tears.

I've found HV's to be intrusive and inconsistent. Beyond being able to tell me the weight of my baby their information has been useless or dangerous. I would much rather someone told me if they don't know something rather than blither on making stuff up.

A mother at school is a HV and her parenting is some of the worse I have witnessed (and I have pretty low standards). She has an unhealthy fixation on DV and talks to her children in a way that can only incite anxiety. Horrid woman and one of the last people I would turn to for advice.

Most intelligent women can actually see their little babies filling out their babygros so the weighing is a bit of a red herring as well.

Didn’t have one for dd2, born abroad, the one I had for dd1 was fine, but a friend I made at the time wasn’t so lucky. Her (2nd) baby, entirely FF, was big and hungry, and at only a few weeks old was wanting a lot more than a whole 8 oz bottle at each feed.

The HV, evidently obsessed with obesity - and this was long before it had become a national problem - told her she must treat her baby ‘like an alcoholic’ and severely restrict his feeds.

Glad to say friend laughed it off once the HV was gone and ignored such daft advice.

This thread is horrific. Slating an entire profession saying they are only in a job because they need watching having death wished upon them- how the hell is this acceptable?

It's not acceptable.

My HV is kind but utterly useless, she told me that based on my sons symptoms (projectile vomiting every feed, not pooing and fussiness in the evening) that he didn't have pyloric stenosis.... he did.

I've had to put my own referral into speech and language because they basically said, he has no signs of austism so we're not referring you.

Bloody useless.

When I was a health visitor I received this from a client who was moving away. The family wanted to thank me for doing my job and supporting them when their son had reflux. I’m so grateful that I had clients who were appreciative of the service.

HV don’t show you how to breastfeed or look at your stitches

Mine asked to look at my stitches so thats not strictly true, she looked a few times actually

But Beautifulstranger if they insfruct you to breastfeed are clear that is best for baby and infer you are a failure if you fail then they should be obliged to provide excellent support, advice and facilitate expert support. I also seem to recall the advice beinv to refer to them about feeding and weight gain. The two go hand in hand do they not?

Sorry misread that beautifulstranger.

feelinggoodashell but presumably you were providing a good service. I'd have been grateful had I received a good service bit I didn't and nor did other local mothers from my HV team. Some examples:

Premmy baby born at 26 weeks needed medicine given in a single use dropper before every feed. Came home at about 35 weeks. Hospital couldn't provide droppers because back in community; pharmacy couldn't provide because only available in hospital. HV contacted and phoned family to tell them to stop worryimg because she had sourced them and would deliver later. She delivered two. They needed 64 per week!

Mothers told it didn't matted if their receptio children had glue ear - it would resolve as they grew and the research indicated the average child had caught up by 11. Who defines advantage and why should any child be held back until they are 11. Our private ENT consultant had no issue grommeting my dc at 15 and 20 months and both stopped getting ear infections immediately. Notwithstanding the fact that London school places are very competitive and how dare an HV give an edict appropriate for the average.

Families who expressed developmental concerns re behaviour and speech at two years. All diagnosed with ASD by their 6th birthdays.

I'm sorry but I just don't see what the HV service adds.

The families with concerns were dismissed by the HV.

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant again since commenting on this thread with a (very) bad experience. Am now terrified of what’s to come.

I know the service isn’t compulsory. This didn’t stop a SS referral with my first when I politely declined visits (the HV made up outlandish claims about me, a social worker phoned me laughing at some of the things she’d written and said they would be taking it no further, but that was after three weeks of me in the worst place of my life thinking my baby would be removed because the HV said he would be).

With my second child over a decade later (I was too scared to have another child before then because of that HV) one turned up on the 10th day, I let her in, she chatted some bizzare things about breast feeding but was ok when I said I wouldn’t be using the service.

But now I’m seriously worried again. The first HV ruined my life. It was 18 years ago but it changed me as a person.

ODFO you could write to your CCG noting your concerns and to request clarification about the service. I wrote to the Trust, copying my GP before dd was born to advise I wanted no interface with HVs enclosing a copy of the CEO's letter which confirmed the service was optional.

That’s lovely @Feelinggoodashell

I imagine it’s a really difficult role as you are there for the parent and the child, unlike a teacher for example whose primary focus is the child.

It seems there is a lot of confusion over what the service is there for and how parents can choose to interact - or not interact - with it.

This JRF report found that The importance of maintaining professional and personal boundaries and managing sometimes conflicting roles was a theme running through many of the interviews. Health visitors and family support workers in particular highlighted the tension involved in simultaneously taking on supporting, monitoring, referring and authoritarian roles in their work with families.

It also found that health visitors saw both formal and informal parental assessment as a key part of their professional role so I think parents are not wrong to feel their parenting is under assessment. This makes it harder to question or refute advice when offered.

@ohtheroses -sorry to sound daft but what does CCG Stand for?

I’m just so scared to rock the boat. I didn’t make a complaint about the first HV because she scared me so much and said a complaint would look like I was “mad” and that someone else would then report me to SS.

I’ve used private healthcare (private GPS) for me and my dc ever since, de registering from NHS as she told me that every time I took Ds to the gp they would see the SS referral and I’d be under scrutiny “as I should be”. I didn’t want to be afraid to take my child or myself to a doctor.

She really did me harm

As an aside, the first time I took DS to the private GP he was very angry at her behaviour and d me I wasn’t the first parent to see him because of poor experiences with HVs.

That's very interesting superfurrydoggy. I would agree there are difficulties in relation to cultural and diversity issues. The use of the word authoritarian vis the relationship is interesting. Fundamentally without a court order in place there is no authoritarian relationship. Further, bearing in mind dh and I are professionally qualified and our dc were to have the best of everything the very least I expected from an HV was that my time was respected and to be afforded sufficient respect for mutually convenient appointments to be a minimum expectation.

The entire tone of the paper to which you linked was superior vs the subordinate parent. Do you not see that is what is fundamentally wrong with the HV service?

Clinical Commissioning Group. You really should make a formal complaint. As a SS referral was made and if you have money for 100% private health care, I'd get a family solicitor involved to provide clarity and clear the matter up. These people harness fear as part of their power trips imo.

The entire tone of the paper to which you linked was superior vs the subordinate parent. Do you not see that is what is fundamentally wrong with the HV service?

Yep, I do. That was why I posted the link and why my posts on this thread have been broadly critical of the service.

I do think that the concept of health visiting and the concept of some sort of a national safeguarding service are both potentially useful. I just don’t think they work as one combined service.