To think that Health visitors are a certain annoying breed generally?

[Moomin8]

I've just had my 4th baby and the health visitor came the other day. I found her really annoying and rude. First of all she came walking into my living room in her dirty boots and got mud all over my newly cleaned carpet.

My youngest before dc4 is 10 years old and the HV said she was going to therefore talk to me as if I'd never actually had a baby she also wanted to look in my bedroom - I told her no.

Then I thought back to my older dc and their HVs and realised they are all pretty much the same whereas midwives, when they visit are really nice and helpful usually and don't speak to you as though you're an idiot. I'm a 39 year old university educated person and I find these people intrusive and annoying.

What is it with health visitors?

@KRAmum that stupid bitch has probably seen other babies who have been fed spicy food. Obvious to you yes, obvious to a different parent probably not. I have seen babies at 6 months being fed tastes of their parents curry’s.

Friends HV told her to give her 2 week old constipated baby pure orange juice

To avoid offending a few because their ‘Annoying breed’ health visitor handed out some leaflets and checked their babies sleeping area

If you read the thread, thats NOT why people were saying their experience was negative. Not at all. People described instances where HVs were rude, went through their cupboards without asking permission, implied all sorts of things with no basis whatsoever, were not respecting personal boundaries, in some instances gave wrong and potentially dangerous advice, filled out feeding charts wrong causing baby to be underfed, etc etc

Sadly, doing the above is only going to alienate people and they are actually less likely to want to talk to you if there is a problem. Several people in this thread said they didnt disclose PND symptoms to their HV because of their poor attitude and fear they'd "get into trouble" for it. There is no excuse for that- PND can be extremely serious and if people aren't feeling comfortable talking about it to the very people who are meant to monitor for it then something is very, very wrong.

Being given leaflets isn’t patronising at all. Sometimes, it’s the tone taken by some and how they communicate.

A friend had a baby in the states and said it was totally different, the health care providers spoke to her as if she was a competent adult and listened to her preferences. She had had her second baby in England and was shocked that (as a 35 year old educated adult. ) she was spoken to as if she was about nine. She was also placed under considerable pressure to breast feed, which verged on bullying. When she said she had made her decision, the midwife said To the baby ‘well mummy is going to have to stop being so selfish isn’t she, and try a bit harder’. She felt the staff almost thought they had a huge degree of power over her, while in the states if was a service and the staff treated her like an equal.

Mixing juice with boiled water is a normal recommendation for young babies with constipation. Both my pharmacist and GP recommended it for my 4 week old.

@KRAmum that stupid bitch has probably seen other babies who have been fed spicy food. Obvious to you yes, obvious to a different parent probably not. I have seen babies at 6 months being fed tastes of their parents curry’s.

So you genuinely don't see the casual racism behind the HV's thinking here?

the midwife said To the baby ‘well mummy is going to have to stop being so selfish isn’t she, and try a bit harder

This is exactly the kind of thing I'm referring to above. What an unprofessional and rude thing to say. How fcking dare she. I'd be telling her where to go if that was me and I'd refuse to see her again. You'd never get that equivalent attitude towards a man with health issues. Its patronising, mysogynistc and completely unacceptable.

Maybe she says it to all families? I know I do whenever I talk about feeding (not a HV)

Mine were ok and well meaning but any stranger visiting is going to seem intrusive.
Second time around I politely said I didn't want or need any input but thank you etc.
I imagine it's a very thankless job!

Juice and water is no longer given for constipation yet some GP’s, paediatricians and nurses advise it if they haven’t kept up to date. Mainly GP’s

When my babies started eating solids they tried a bit of what we were having (except honey). I wouldn't be feeding a baby a vindaloo but I was never told anything about not allowing babies to eat spicy food. Presumably babies in the rest of the world eat the food that their parents eat?

My HV is really lovely. Not intrusive, supportive and didn't overstay her welcome. In my exp, it was actually a lot of the midwives in the hospital that were prize cunts. And the midwife who came out to check my c section scar. She was a miserable cow.

Not orange juice at 2 weeks old.....

It is not Sterile !!!

Yes, and toned down there is no problem at all with giving off your plate. Having been in a room where a father gave some bread dipped in a hottish (assuming by the colour the baby went and the cry) curry people can’t assume everybody has the same common sense.

My friend (a HV) did the bedroom check and advised parents to remove bumpers, pillow etc explaining reasons why. Next visit she checked again and all of the above had been replaced by string lights wrapped around the cot bars.

@DecemberSnow
Formula 8dnt sterile either. You kick 8y eith boiling water to mend it safer just like orange juice/apple juice/prime juice.

Its a pretty standard recommendation.

So much bad typing. I'm not wearing my glasses.

*you mix it with boiling water to make it

Advice may have changed, because they change everything and then change it back later, but it really isn't all that dangerous or ridiculous.

I would rather a spoonful of juice than an artificially made laxative

I had a Health Visitor who rang and said she really had to come visit my DS for his 3year check up because we had missed his 2 year and she had to make sure he was alive. I'm still not convinced it was meant as a light hearted joke.

I do know some people who have found them extremely helpful, I suppose it's just what each individual needs from them.

I agree that HVs must see some awful stuff and are there for children's protection. They are probably not paid enough for what may be a harrowing job.

However, there is no excuse for some of the lack of empathy seen on the thread. My experience has been mixed. Actually, the older ladies I had were excellent - very clued up on latest advice but also sensible/pragmatic (in particular around weaning - I felt that my HV from when my daughter was 6 months old didn't mind where I started in terms of BLW or purées/mush, provided I was working towards the long term goal of ensuring that my baby ate independently and sensible balanced meals at mealtimes by between 9-12 months - and routine/sleep training). Definitely more encouraging in approach, with a bit of gentle advice as needed (or as requested). Could see she had some steel behind the eyes though for tougher cases.

My first HV was a young woman who had no children of her own and was a complete nightmare who made my life absolute hell for my baby dropping a centile (down from 91st centile but still gaining weight, happy in the day, alert etc), told me I was neglecting my child by not waking her up to feed every 3 hours at 10 weeks. She also wasn't very bright - my daughter was 16 days overdue, born by c section after I had had an IV line for more than 24 hours (so very puffy with water) and 9lb 9 so it was not unreasonable to drop a centile - they don't correct for overdue in the same way as premature on the birth charts. My GP was very helpful and told me to ignore her, but the calls and interaction I had with her about this issue bordered on harassment, especially when she told me i was probably being unreasonable due to PND that she had diagnosed on the basis of making me cry during one of our visits.

I don't understand if they see all these hideous situations and dreadful conditions, why my hv eyed me with great suspicion when I said ' oh I'm fine, tired obviously' in a cheerful tone in my clean house with no social issues or anything dreadful going on...nor why she felt the need to write in the book ""mother complained about feeling tired".

I’ve not read thread.
It’s slightly annoying for you but critical for health and life of some babies/children so YABU. Visiting you is the easy bit of the job, just don’t obstruct her and allow her to get on to someone who needs her.

A big part of their job is health promotion. They check baby sleeping area. They can then advise on SIDS and/or safe cosleeping if needed.
Laxatives for babies are safe, gentle and I’d much prefer them to orange juice. They go through the gastrointestinal tract and are passed out.
Orange juice is quite acidic, stimulant and not sterile. Usually ok to use but personally would suggest for an older/weaned baby.

I can just about remember mine coming out when ds was a baby, I was 19 and staying with my mum at the time, and I think the fact my mum was there reasurred her a lot, she did what she had to do then left. She wasn't nasty or anything, thankfully (unlike one of the awful, judgey midwives I had).

I had to deal with the same one, when I threw out exdp, and took him to court for abh, and she was sent out to have a chat with me. She was a nightmare this time, very patronising. She spoke very s-l-o-w-l-y to me, as if my ex becoming an increasingly manipulative, gaslighting and violent arsehole (defo not the man I first met), must mean I was thick/simple. She'd never experienced dv herself, but still lectured me at length on how I must be feeling (she had no clue). Because of course everyone feels the same, and reading about it is just like experiencing it . I found mumsnet users to be a lot more helpful, informative and understanding.

She also pushed for a woman from womens aid to come out and do a 6 week course with ds (then about 7, and oblivious to any dv, as it was happening when he wasn't here). I tried to say no thank you, but she made me feel like if I didn't agree, that would raise a red flag, and ss might then become involved. The woman who came out to do the course was the complete opposite, lovely, down to earth, and during the second session, she asked me why I was doing the course, as I was obviously clued up on all the safeguarding stuff, and did I know this was a voluntary thing?

@dontcallmeduck are you actually being serious?? You clearly are oblivious to the underlying racist tone! Do you think the hv told white parents not to feed their babies spicy food??! I dont think not.

So not not. Im so fuming its affecting my typing

I had DD in Bucks and the HV's were not helpful. One told me I was feeding DD for too long and it should be 30 mins tops. Even aged 15 months she fed for 30 mins per side. I reckon I had a really slow express rate.

Moved to Lincs when DD was 6 weeks and the HVs all bar one were great. The one I didn't rate was unnecessarily critical of DD's large bonce