To think that Health visitors are a certain annoying breed generally?

[Moomin8]

I've just had my 4th baby and the health visitor came the other day. I found her really annoying and rude. First of all she came walking into my living room in her dirty boots and got mud all over my newly cleaned carpet.

My youngest before dc4 is 10 years old and the HV said she was going to therefore talk to me as if I'd never actually had a baby she also wanted to look in my bedroom - I told her no.

Then I thought back to my older dc and their HVs and realised they are all pretty much the same whereas midwives, when they visit are really nice and helpful usually and don't speak to you as though you're an idiot. I'm a 39 year old university educated person and I find these people intrusive and annoying.

What is it with health visitors?

I love my HV
Sorry to hear so many people have had such horrible experiences

In my area all HV have to have medical experience or full qualifications
(Eg. Ex. Nurses, midwives)

Without my HV my mental health would be in pieces

With DD2 I had a terrible woman. She seemed to be looking for issues that were not there. Was obsessed about my lack of family nearby and didn't listen to anything I said. She kept talking over me and interrupting.

Fortunately she wasn't my named HV, you would see someone from the same team. On the next home visit it was someone different who had in her notes that I was totally on my own and DH was in prison. DH was actually on deployment with the army and I lived on the same street as his parents.

With DS I didnt see anyone at all except for the drop in weigh clinics, that I rarely attended. Development checks were via postal questionnaire. They did phone after he was discharged from hospital following a type 1 diabetes diagnosis to see if I needed any help. I asked what could they do? She didn't actually know.

They're a bunch of old wives tale peddling, formula pushing, fear mongering bints and I hated mine too. Never had an issue but something about them is so god damn judgemental.

Oh god and NO idea on car seat safety. The number of babies at the weigh cloning wearing thick snow suits in their stupid car seats and never a single comment.

The uk's ignorance to car seat safety is generally astounding tho

Its really really worrying they are giving out the wrong advice and the HV that did the feeding chart wrong and caused the baby to go underweight?
thats absolutely appalling

Yes they can seem intrusive but at the end of the day they are trying to stop unsafe practices which may lead to baby deaths and spot early signs of abuse. I think a few hurt feelings are worth the price. I would have asked her to take her shoes off though.

I think I was really lucky then as no intrusive safety checks or patronising advice either time I had my DC. This despite my house being an actual building site when she visited due to DS arriving earlier than expected before we'd finished building and decorating work. Tons of safety hazards all over the place but none that affected a newborn, non crawling baby I suppose. Second time round it was a fleeting 'well, you've done this before, you know what you're doing. Phone or pop in if you need any help'. Never seen them again since DS2's first home visit - except for taking him to them at the GPs for vaccinations and a 12m check. Didn't even get a 3yr check like DS1 had, which was fine for me as he was doing well but not helpful for others - thinking back I may have had a phone call asking if I needed him checking? They are so overstretched here they don't have time to do safety checks on houses.

As for tracking mud in, sadly they are very strongly advised never to take shoes off in clients' homes as a) you don't know what you may stand on i.e. needles at worst and b) you may need to make a quick getaway if the client is abusive. They have no way of knowing you're a nice person before they visit you so it's a sensible approach. Mud will clean off, a blood borne infection won't.

I was at my sisters house when hers visited. She asked to wash her hands in the kitchen, I followed her in to check she could see where to towel was and she was going through the kitchen cupboards!

I asked if she was looking for something, she said she was just checking, I asked what for and she mumbled something and pushed pasted me. It crossed my mind she was going to steal something😂

@dollymixture22

wow- that is awful. I would have chucked someone out of my house for doing that WTF!

For the health visitors on this thread feeling disheartened.

Don’t panic....nobody here is likely to be discussing you.
You will have met the kind of HV they are discussing though I guarantee it.
I met several during my time as a HV and it’s why I left....that and the area I worked in seemed to give me to the role of social worker.

I’m now a teaching assistant in a special school (or will be from the 6th January).

Woah Dolly now that IS batshit. 😲

We had DSD living with us full-time when DD was born. DSD was 5 years old and in the room when HV said " if you're finding it difficult to manage both girls", (I wasn't), " then maybe we could review the court order and return XX to her mother"...her mother was serving a sentence for possession and supplying crack and heroin which HV knew because I told her when she asked on a separate visit about the circumstances of DSD living with us. Never have I wanted to punch anyone in the throat as much as I did her that day. I didn't though obviously but I made it very clear she was no longer welcome or needed.

All health visitors are registered with the Nursing and Midwifery Council as nurses. Some are also midwives. Health visitors are educated to degree level. Many health visitors these days are young women.

The life of a health visitor is pretty grim and it tends to affect them. They become very suspicious, which may account for some of the problems outlined on this thread.

I had a family who had a 12 year old daughter who had a baby and was pregnant again. We suspected she was being abused by her father but she would never disclose what was going on.

I visited another family where the mother had learning difficulties and struggled to care for the baby. Another family I had to visit regularly were drug dealers. Their son was in prison for stabbing his cousin to death, in front of his young son. The senior male in the household told me that the son fucking deserved it.

Another family were paedophiles. Two brothers had been to prison but were out and busy grooming a mother with three young children.

A mother I had to visit once a week had two children. They had bought a puppy and the mother had thrown a kettle of water over it and held a cigarette lighter up to it's eye. She blamed the two year old for these horrible acts.

Another family had two children. They did have a baby but the mother had fallen asleep drunk and smothered it to death.

I had many families who were drug addicts and children. The children were usually open to child protection for neglect.

I could go on but I'm sure you get the idea.

Afterwards I assumed she was checking on food etc. But it was a large, detached (Wealthy) house and she had been before so knew there wasn’t a welfare issue in respect Of availability of food (I know rich people can also abuse children,#9 she might do this in every house).

But of she wanted to check the cupboards She could have simply asked. My sister and her husband are both very mild mannered and polite. They also served her tea coffee and cake on her previous visit. The house was (And always is) very clean.

My health visitor is lovely, as are all the health visitors I've met at antenatal classes/baby clinics. I wonder sometimes if people are determined to find something wrong about their health visitor, in the same way that social workers are all child-snatching busybodies...

I think like any profession there are good and bad. I have heard horror stories, with health visitors being extremely patronising, rude and even breaching patient confidentially (just to have a gossip).

But I also know friends who have had had marvellous health visitors who have given helpful, practical advice.

Didn't like my health visitor dont think I would have ever confided in her even if I was desperate. Pregnant again and praying now I've moved areas I have a different health visitor

I'm sure HVs have to deal with some awful situations. But that is no reason not to be professional. Being rude, going through people's cupboards without permission, not respecting people's boundaries and not listening to their patients are really extremely basic skills that I would expect most people in any job to be aware of. The fact that SO many people have had bad experiences indicates something needs fixing.

Quite, @beautifulstranger101

My hv have all been lovely. The first took her shoes off before she came in and was helpful. She answered questions I had and basically said that everything she was telling me was based on early years research and guidance but to develop my own judgement as a parent and do what I thought was best. This might not have been helpful to a mum who was unsure of herself but I felt I could manage and had mil and my mum as well as numerous aunties on the end of the phone if I needed them.

The second hv was lovely too and offered support in general. From my experience they offer as much or as little support as you need. With dd I had more visits as she was my first baby and I was always in pjs when they turned up, was very teary too. Second time round, I had a baby and a toddler to take care of as well as myself so was better put together and didn't need as much support. I did show them where baby was sleeping but didn't feel that was intrusive and just apologised for any mess. I think with a mixture of hormones and lack of sleep some mums overthink the first visits and make them seem like a much bigger deal. If for example you don't want someone traipsing through your house with shoes on, whoever opens the door should mention that! Also being degree educated doesn't make you any likely to be a better parent or mean that you know it all, guidelines change and all babies are different.

It's awful to hear what health visitors are exposed to in terms of child protection.

In which case if the role is one for child protection, would it not make more sense to reduce the role of HV to families who wish for a series of supportive individualized visits around play, feeding and so on and ensure that all families at risk of child protection needs are identified and allocates the appropriately trained professional?

I.e. a social worker.

There's duplicity and role confusion and I would never allow an hv in my home again

I find hvs very annoying and intrusive. I refused the visit from a hv for my second baby and never regretted it.

Many health visitors these days are young women.

Yes, indeed. My old health visitors were older busybodies and the one I have now is a younger busybody. I looked at her and thought

The amount of contact you get may well depend on where you are. I'm in London and only certain families get assigned a health visitor eg if the child is under a child protection plan or has health needs. Otherwise you get one visit and are under universal services. In my area that means when you take your child to clinic it's not actually a health visitor you see but a health assistant - not sure what their training is but I don't think they're trained as nurses.

My one home visit mainly consisted of being asked questions which the HV already had the answers to on her form and quite a lot of questioning as to why DD had my last name not her father's.