To want to protect this money

[Foxylass]

I have been lurking for ages - first post.

In a nutshell - my DH and I have worked hard for years and now are in a position to gift our DC's a good bit of money.
We are thinking chunk of deposit on a flat/small house. We will hold onto it till the DC's are ready to buy, which should not be long..
We are however worried, what if our DC's go off the rails - not likely, they are all quite stable and money savvy - could we protect the 'gift' in some way?
Also, that a future partner or spouse etc..might have some kind of claim on it.
Of course in the long run if a partner/spouse has contributed (financially or in a supportive manner) or if there are children (our grandkids) we would expect them to be secure BUT for the first few years how do we ensure security for our DC's?
AIBU to want to protect the money - should it simply be a gift that we write off after handing it over?

We would never want the money back.

First world type problem I know - but we have worked so hard for so long and we are very lucky to be able to get the kids started in this way - it would be a shame if it all got lost somehow.

Anyone who has an issue with signing a pre nup or a deposit being protected shows their true feelings with regards to others money imo.

Well, yes. I wouldn’t have married anybody who didn’t see their money as my money, and vice versa. To me it’s part of marriage.

Church me too! Any person asking a partner to sign a pre nup can hardly then complain their partner is "showing their true feelings with regards to money" if they complain about it when THEY"RE the one asking for the bloody pre nup!

Any person asking a partner to sign a pre nup can hardly then complain their partner is "showing their true feelings with regards to money" if they complain about it when THEY"RE the one asking for the bloody pre nup!

Exactly. Anyone asking for a pre-nup is showing you who they are at a fundamental level. Run like wind.

I think you risk souring your relationship with your kids if you give them a gift then try to control how they use it.

DP's parents did this - they matched the amount they'd given his much older siblings when they bought their first home and gave him the cash when he was 20. They did it then as they thought they'd die soon (spoiler: they're fine). They then spent the next 10 years trying to stop him spending the money on buying a house because they didn't like his choices (location, type, choosing to buy with a person not married to, etc etc) and accusing me of being a gold digger, grasping, etc. Ironically, I was earning more than him when we met, save better, and was given a bit more from my family so when we did eventually buy, I had more to put in. But the money was very very important - more important than trust, generosity or kindness. You can imagine what that attitude did to the relationships.

If you want to give money for a specific purpose (eg house), that's fine, but you need to think if you really need to do it right now, when the purpose isn't imminent (no plans to buy), and if so have a conversation with your kids as to if they agree with your goals (we were offered a small amount towards a wedding, eg, which we turned down with thanks as we weren't planning to get married at that point).

If you trust them, talk to them, and if you don't, well, don't give them large amounts of money, sit on it and risk the inheritance tax.

Again thank you - such good points being raised.
For clarity -
We are not trying to control the money or anyone - we just want the money to be safe.
We trust our children very much, but you never know what is around the corner.
We only want the money to be invested in property.
We would not want to alienate our kids or any potential DiL's or SiL's.....
We would not want our names on the property as it is not going to be ours.
We understand that a gift is given freely and we would not want or expect it back - just hope that it is safe for a bit.

The point about us needing care in the future is a good point, thank you. Another good reason NOT to have any recall on the money (not that we would anyway).

In truth I think you need to sit down with a good financial advisor.

I expect you will be told if you intend to gift, do just that with nothing other than advising your children to protect themselves as much as possible, as the legislation allows at the time.