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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL is taking over!

87 replies

StressHead25 · 26/12/2019 19:31

Me and DP have only been together a few months and I already feel like I'm going crazy with his mum. I've got two kids from a previous who stay with their dad due to my health issues and MIL appeared to be accepting of this at first.

Now all I get is barbed comments about how DP has to support me, (I'm on an apprenticeship and have another 6 months to go), about how shes surprised I'm allowed to do payments at work because in her eyes all apprentices are fuck ups (even though her own husband was an apprentice!), she bullied DP into buying a house in a town that has no public transport links so that he is close to her, and when hes said he wants to renovate the house and rent somewhere temporarily with me while does the work she gets his sister to buy him a puppy for Christmas, despite knowing my DD is deathly allergic to dogs, and then tells him he is going to have to spend every night at hers so he can bond with the dog and that if I want any future with him I'll have to sell my cat.

Then the cherry on top of the cake came yesterday. I get xmas is fraught with tension but DS was rushed into hospital with pneumonia and put on a ventilator. She then kicked off as did his dad, because I wanted to spend Christmas Night at my house because its half the distance to the hospital than theirs. She goes to me oh it's always something with you isn't it? I don't see why you'd want to stay near DS when DP needs to be here to bond with his puppy. The puppy that DP told her he didn't even want because he doesn't see himself as being in the right place to get a pet until next year at the earliest, and he told her this before she got the dog.

And then I've been put on a pretty much vegan diet by my consultant for 3 months while they see whether theres issues with certain nutrient levels or if its MS I've got, and she spent all lunch time yesterday shoveling things like the creamiest mash onto my plate or ice cream on top of my dessert when I'd actually bought along my own vegan bits so she wouldn't have to go to any further expense.

I'm just sick of it all. I'm trying to better myself by doing this apprenticeship, I'm freaking out about the diagnosis that might be upcoming, and trying to sort somewhere for me and DP to rent by the end of the month, and all she does is order him to go round to the house.

DP has told her before when shes sat there on the phone slagging me off to high heaven that I can hear every word shes saying, and she just goes oh well I don't care if she hears! DP has told me to stop treating her like the enemy when I had a breakdown over how she told me DV doesn't exist even though I've spent a year of my life in a refuge in the past so I know damn well it does exist.

AIBU for not wanting to spend any time with her anymore?

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 26/12/2019 20:44

Jesus Christ, if he isn’t fully supporting you then you need to run. Fast.

ohfourfoxache · 26/12/2019 20:45

Actually, fuck it - just run

Winterdaysarehere · 26/12/2019 20:48

He is still attached to the unbiblical cord op.
Not an attractive quality imo.
Ltb asap...

BertrandRussell · 26/12/2019 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Orangesandlemons123 · 26/12/2019 20:53

If your son was on a ventilator in hospital surely that would be your first priority? How is he now?

FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou · 26/12/2019 20:55

Why are you ignoring the fact that your boyfriend is a dickhead to you?

He accepted a puppy that meant he couldn't move in with you as planned.

He invites you into the same room as her when she repeatedly makes barbed comments. It seems that he doesn't tell her to stop being mean to you. He seems to keep putting you back in the same position again and again.

He didn't intervene when she fed you non-vegan food.

He abandons you to hang out with her whenever she wants.

He claims she has such total power over him she can even force him to make major financial transactions like a house purchase against his will.

He is a wanker. Maybe his mum is weird but it only affects you because he doesn't give a fuck about being nice to you. He is the wanker much more than she is.

showmewhatyougot · 26/12/2019 20:59

She's sounds horrid and hard work.

How's your son? I'd be more worried about him tbh?

damnthatanxiety · 26/12/2019 21:01

churchandstate demanding that she dye the OPs hair and that DS cut it and deriding the OP for wanting to be near her son and stating that it was more important that DP was with his PUPPY is not 'skepticism', it is full on bat-shit psycho.

Cacklingmags · 26/12/2019 21:08

Bloody Hell. Sounds like you are in Deliverance country. Run, run as fast as you can before they make you learn duelling banjos and pull your teeth out. Not being funny OP, get the hell out of there.

Summercamping · 26/12/2019 21:09

There is no way somebody with a mother like this is normal. Run, save yourself before it's too late

BertrandRussell · 26/12/2019 21:09

The OP’s ds was on a ventilator on Christmas Eve......

BertrandRussell · 26/12/2019 21:10

But on the off chance that this is true- dump and run OP. Dump and run.

Thestrangestthing · 26/12/2019 21:16

Why wer eyou even having dinner at her house when your ds was in hospital?

Thestrangestthing · 26/12/2019 21:17

Even on the first time I met her she insisted on dyeing my hair and we had to argue with her saying I didn't want dark red hair (mines dyed ginger) and she then said if I wasn't doing that I'd have to let his sister cut my hair.

Eh?

Willow2017 · 26/12/2019 21:20

Get rid of the whole fucked up lot of them. Your bf doesn't have the backbone to stand up to them so seriously do you want your drip of a bf to let his family treat you like shit forever? He let them tell him where he has yo live, bought him a puppy he can't look after puts a puppy before your son, puts them before you wtf is the point of him?

Run away now. This freaking family are so dysfunctional even Jeremy Kyle wouldn't touch them. They will wear you down and drive to insane get as far away as you can.

eBooksAreBooks · 26/12/2019 21:32

All sounds a bit Midsomer to me. You haven't accidentally moved to Badger's Drift and joined the Rainbirds have you?

Boom45 · 26/12/2019 21:39

Fuck that noise. Dump the boyfriend (who hasn't been "forced" to do anything by his mother, hes done it happily) and spend time with your son rather than letting this wind you up. It wont get better so hes not worth it.

Mummytoonlychild · 26/12/2019 21:43

Sorry but I would run away as fast as a controling mil and a partner that mostly goes along with mummys controling behaviour and implying you are the issue. It's never going to be fixed until you oh can grow some and put his foot down and learn to say NO

JemimaPuddleCat · 26/12/2019 21:47

@BertrandRussell
The OP’s ds was on a ventilator on Christmas Eve......

Where does it say that? Or do you know the OP?

1Morewineplease · 26/12/2019 21:48

This isn’t a loving relationship. It’s toxic and you need to put your son and you first.
If you stay with him it will only get much much worse.

Shesalittlemadam · 26/12/2019 21:52

@PrincessHoneysuckle Why is it that whenever an unmarried woman calls her DP's Mum "MIL" there is ALLLLLLWAYS someone who falls over themself to be the first to point out that "She's not your MIL!!!" Hmm

BertrandRussell · 26/12/2019 21:54

@JemimaPuddleCat “Then the cherry on top of the cake came yesterday. I get xmas is fraught with tension but DS was rushed into hospital with pneumonia and put on a ventilator.“
Sorry- in hospital on a ventilator yesterday.....

Rachelfromfriends1 · 26/12/2019 21:54

I don't see why you'd want to stay near DS when DP needs to be here to bond with his puppy.

Your child is in hospital and she’s whinging about bonding with the dog? Wtf, how is the dog more important than a poorly child?

Honestly, just end it. She will only get worse.

FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou · 26/12/2019 21:56

DP has told her before when shes sat there on the phone slagging me off to high heaven that I can hear every word shes saying, and she just goes oh well I don't care if she hears!

If I were on the phone to someone and they started slagging off my DH, I'd hang up. He asked the person to slag you more quietly.

You've got a monumentally shit boyfriend. Don't move in with him.

Butterymuffin · 26/12/2019 22:00

@Shesalittlemadam It's not just them not being married, though, it's that they've only been together a few months!

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