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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boxing Day dinner

64 replies

CakeandCustard28 · 26/12/2019 16:56

Am I being unreasonable?
I have a 4 year old dc and my ILs are doing dinner this year. We told them we can’t do a late dinner as my 4 year old won’t eat after 5 and will just be naughty they said okay and it wouldn’t be that late. Yesterday dinner was at 6pm and today they’re doing again for 6.30/7pm!
So now I’m sat on my own at home with the DC cooking us veggie fingers and chips whilst my DH and other DC are at the in laws with everyone enjoying dinner. Sad
AIBU to be upset? They’re the only family I really have as well.

OP posts:
IHateBlueLights · 26/12/2019 16:57

It's really up to the person doing the cooking to decide when to serve.

Your DH should have stayed home with you, though. Why didn't he?

CripsSandwiches · 26/12/2019 16:59

I would have gone and just let DH be in charge of the younger DC.

Ponoka7 · 26/12/2019 17:01

Why couldn't you have gone and took food, or something easy to cook for your 4 year old?

Original poster
CakeandCustard28 · 26/12/2019 17:02

I know I’m just a bit gutted as I cook for them all the time and was looking forward to a couple days off cooking.
Because it’s his family and our other DC wanted to go.

OP posts:
Original poster
CakeandCustard28 · 26/12/2019 17:03

He gets tired at 7pm it’s his bedtime and gets really ratty and is known for purposely being naughty so wasn’t worth taking him round to ruin it for everyone. Sorry forgot to add that in.

OP posts:
Snuffkindle · 26/12/2019 17:04

It sounds like you might be cutting your nose off to spite your face.. couldn't you have fed your 4 year old earlier...or done something to make it work for you

CripsSandwiches · 26/12/2019 17:05

It is a bit mean OP obviously they're entitled to decide when to cook but it wouldn't have killed them to be a little considerate. I wouldn't arrange a meal not everyone could attend on Boxing day.

Original poster
CakeandCustard28 · 26/12/2019 17:07

But even if I fed him earlier he would still be running around being naughty pretending to be bloody spider man as he’d be tired. 😂 I can’t win really either way. It’s like come 6pm it’s the witching hour with him.

OP posts:
Usernamechange1 · 26/12/2019 17:09

YANBU as you explained beforehand and they assured you it would be okay and you wouldn't be eating late. Because they said this, I really don't think it's on and will quite obviously exclude you and DC.

Shame on your DH for going back a second day.

Cyllie33 · 26/12/2019 17:11

Did you explain what times you meant by early/late? I would consider 6/6.30 an early dinner....

Original poster
CakeandCustard28 · 26/12/2019 17:13

@cyclie33 yes they know my son is in bed by 6.30/7pm and know he needs to eat around 4.30/5pm very latest.

OP posts:
kateandme · 26/12/2019 17:16

take food with you.cook as and when.then put them on the ils bed or make a blanket bed in a quite room.

Usernamechange1 · 26/12/2019 17:17

Yeah that's really selfish to agree an early dinner and then change their minds without prewarning you, OP. And extra horrible to do it two days in a row after seeing the consequence of yesterday. Your in-laws sound awful.

eveshopper · 26/12/2019 17:21

*So now I’m sat on my own at home with the DC cooking us veggie fingers and chips whilst my DH and other DC are at the in laws with everyone enjoying dinner.

*
Why? Why would anyone do that? You could have gone and given your 4 year old something at their normal time like hundreds of other people do.

AIBU to be upset? They’re the only family I really have as well.

Yes of course you are BU. You chose to stay at homeConfused

Ninkanink · 26/12/2019 17:21

Next time take a little something for your little one to eat at the time that suits him best, and just accept that he’s going to be a bit of a mare if he’s tired. It’s no big deal as long as he’s just being an excited little child and not being utterly awful. He could have been put to bed at half six as usual, and you could have had your Christmas dinner and an hour or two of relaxation until it was time to go home.

No need to miss out, just adapt and your child will follow suit.

mummyway · 26/12/2019 17:21

Can't your husband leave after dinner and bring some food back for you

eveshopper · 26/12/2019 17:22

even if I fed him earlier he would still be running around being naughty pretending to be bloody spider man as he’d be tired

He is 4. He is supposed to do that!

TeamLannister · 26/12/2019 17:22

You need to loosen up, it's Christmas FFS.

Santasy · 26/12/2019 17:27

My ds was like that. I never expected everyone else to adjust their plans to cater to this one awkward child. Sometimes I would feed him and put him into his buggy in the hope he would sleep. He never did but it was that or stay home (as you are) or get a babysitter for him.

He has not improved in terms of sleeping but he is better behaved (11 now). The truth is, with small children, it is rarely easy for both parents at the same time. It will get easier at some stage in the future though (hopefully! )

PlugUgly1980 · 26/12/2019 17:28

We've had the same issue! I made my toddler's tinned ravioli (which I'd taken with me, not very exciting but something I knew they'd eat!) on toast as an early tea, got them to show various aunties and uncles some of their new toys, we played various games, then stuck them in front of the tv with their favourite programmes on iplayer for some quiet time whilst the adults and older children ate later. Yes, they go to bed late and get a bit giddy charging around, over excited and silly at times but most relatives understand this is the joy of little children at this time of year.

Original poster
CakeandCustard28 · 26/12/2019 17:29

I didn’t choose to stay at home! They moan all the time about my DC being naughty. My MIL has even shouted “right that’s it take him to his room” about DC before in my home. Sad So if I take him there at his bedtime, he’s going to play up and I’m just going to get constant “he’s being naughty again” and everyone getting annoyed with him.

OP posts:
eveshopper · 26/12/2019 17:33

I didn’t choose to stay at home!

You didn't mention the part where they told you not to come then 🤷🏻‍♀️

roses2 · 26/12/2019 17:35

They know what time your kids go to bed but did you specifically say "please can we eat before 5pm as the kids get ratty later and I won't be able to enjoy the meal as I'll be running around trying to stop them spoiling the evening for everyone"?

I've learnt to be specific and not assume people will be considerate unless specifically asked. They've got other things going on and it probably doesn't occur to them what you actually mean.

Original poster
CakeandCustard28 · 26/12/2019 17:36

Ok I must be being unreasonable then. That’s true they didn’t say not to come, should of just gone anyway and replied with “well I did say” if they moaned. I blame the tiredness of Christmas. Crown Wink Off to go drink a glass of wine and try and lighten up a bit.

OP posts:
JustMarriedBecca · 26/12/2019 17:36

I would have fed him earlier and then whacked him down in whoevers bed we were at. Eaten later after he was asleep at 7pm. Takes a village and all that. I am all for routine when babies are super young and you need your own sleep but I'd be irritated as a grown adult having to eat at 4.30pm because of one ratty toddler. Even if you'd given him toast, it wouldn't have hurt for one day. Christmas is chaos. Break the routine. Live a little.