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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boxing Day dinner

64 replies

CakeandCustard28 · 26/12/2019 16:56

Am I being unreasonable?
I have a 4 year old dc and my ILs are doing dinner this year. We told them we can’t do a late dinner as my 4 year old won’t eat after 5 and will just be naughty they said okay and it wouldn’t be that late. Yesterday dinner was at 6pm and today they’re doing again for 6.30/7pm!
So now I’m sat on my own at home with the DC cooking us veggie fingers and chips whilst my DH and other DC are at the in laws with everyone enjoying dinner. Sad
AIBU to be upset? They’re the only family I really have as well.

OP posts:
pemberlyshades · 26/12/2019 17:37

You should have just gone and let your son do his thing- you're all one family after all!

Ninkanink · 26/12/2019 17:37

Put him to bed early and enjoy a few hours of peace and quiet to yourself! Any treats you can have?

pemberlyshades · 26/12/2019 17:38

What @TeamLannister said- it's Christmas don't worry so much- you'll live longer

Havaina · 26/12/2019 17:40

Next time DH stays home with 40yo and you go.
And stop cooking for them all the time if this is how they repay you.

pemberlyshades · 26/12/2019 17:40

Have a drink of wine op and don't worry about it! You were veering very close to being a matyr but last min swerve to avoid! Enjoy your evening with your son.

kateandme · 26/12/2019 17:49

big fat quiz of the year tonight and would i lie to you.stick them on and laugh your ass off.

Havaina · 26/12/2019 17:50

@pemberly how was OP veering close you being a martyr? What utter crap.

thickwoollytights · 26/12/2019 17:51

I think your PIL have simply deliberately ignored your request for an earlier meal

If I were you I would have fed your youngest earlier at home or at theirs and then put him to bed at their house. So you could join in the celebrations

You'd have had to wake DC up to go home but that's ok isn't it?

speakout · 26/12/2019 17:52

I would have swung around McDonalds and got him a Happy meal on the way over.

Done this several times when the kids were young.

No big deal.

thickwoollytights · 26/12/2019 17:53

But as it's turned out make the evening about you. DC to bed, then wine, lovely food, great TV for you.....You deserve it Thanks

NomNomNomNom · 26/12/2019 17:54

I don't think OP is being a martyr. Depending on what the in laws are like it could be really miserable running around their house after a manic 4 year old. It's also just nice to feel included and considered. By having the meal late it's like her in laws are implying that it doesn't matter if OP's there or not.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 26/12/2019 18:13

Agree with @NomNomNomNom . Even if little one is fed early, she won't get to sit & enjoy the meal. ILs will moan at behaviour as very much doubt he will sleep being excited with everyone there. And OP will be trying to calm the dc to keep everyone happy as ILs ignored the polite request for an earlier dinner & saw the results the previous day.

Quite honestly OP you are probably better off enjoying some peace. Let your DH take all the kids on his own another time & he can deal with the hyper late bedtime behaviour whilst you chill out. Merry Christmas Xmas Smile

Chloemol · 26/12/2019 18:14

I would go, take the child, and let your dh look after him if he plays up

maddiemookins16mum · 26/12/2019 18:20

I wouldn’t let a 4 year old ‘dictate’ the arrangements. I’d have fed him a bigger meal earlier.

slipperywhensparticus · 26/12/2019 18:27

They tell him off in YOUR HOME? my foot would be up their arse for that

Mabbers · 26/12/2019 18:28

Think they find your 4yo hard work? They seem to have arranged it in a way where they knew you'd probably stay at home.

Drink wine, order a takeaway and chill out

justforthisnow · 26/12/2019 18:32

If he's 4 years, vs 4 months, then you have some flexibility unless he has SEN or some other condition not mentioned.
Feed him beforehand, bring him to dinner, then put him to bed in a spare bed/quiet room (we have done this, with a busy PFB).

eveshopper · 26/12/2019 18:32

I don't think OP is being a martyr.

She is. She has stayed at home and is now upset because she is at home. She made the choice.

Mummyshark2019 · 26/12/2019 18:37

That's a bit early for the whole family to eat. I think you should have just made the exception over the festive season. The whole family can't revolve around a four year old.

countrygirl99 · 26/12/2019 18:41

DS2 used to have a "best before" time for eating, after that it was a waste of effort. If necessary we just fed him early and either put him to bed or he just sat at table but didn't eat depend ing on the circumstances. I wouldn't have missed out.

sarahjconnor · 26/12/2019 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 26/12/2019 18:56

I wouldn't want to eat my main meal of the day at 5pm - it really is early. Feed the kid before you go.

BacktoMA · 26/12/2019 19:00

Why can't a 4 year old eat after 5? I can't help but wonder sometimes in threads like these that some parents pander and stress themselves out far too much, chill out a bit, loosen grip from the routine and stop making parenting so much harder than it needs to be, unless there's drip fed further reasons of course.

drivingtofrance · 26/12/2019 19:12

When you have young DC who can't stay up later then unfortunately this is often how nights out are.

I suppose DH could have also declined to attend - it's not fair that he can enjoy the family meal but you are home alone - but no way can you expect everyone to dine so early. Dinner is never before 7.30pm here, its just too early.

Make the most of a quiet few hours to yourself.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 26/12/2019 20:20

Do you not stay over? When I go to my parents or IL with young DC we stay over. I give kids their tea at a child friendly time (my mum would provide a meal for them, with MIL I take some thing or sometimes she has some thing). Then we pop the DC in bed and have dinner at 7.30 or 8pm.

YANBU about needing your child to eat at a suitable time & go to bed when tired, YABU if you thought that meant all the adults needed to eat at 5pm. Hmm