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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boxing Day dinner

64 replies

CakeandCustard28 · 26/12/2019 16:56

Am I being unreasonable?
I have a 4 year old dc and my ILs are doing dinner this year. We told them we can’t do a late dinner as my 4 year old won’t eat after 5 and will just be naughty they said okay and it wouldn’t be that late. Yesterday dinner was at 6pm and today they’re doing again for 6.30/7pm!
So now I’m sat on my own at home with the DC cooking us veggie fingers and chips whilst my DH and other DC are at the in laws with everyone enjoying dinner.
AIBU to be upset? They’re the only family I really have as well.

OP posts:

RhiWrites · 26/12/2019 20:32

Could this be crossed wires? Eating dinner at 6 or 6.30 really isn’t late to most people.

Did you expect the entire family to eat at 5pm to accommodate your child’s schedule? That might be considered rather demanding and inflexible...

reginafelangee · 26/12/2019 20:38

I'd have taken food to feed him early and his pjs and popped him in a bed there if needed.

Or let him run around like Spider-Man after all he is 4. That's what 4 year olds do.

But I wouldn't have sat at home.

I found it much easier to be flexible with routines. Especially in the holidays.

BlueWonder · 26/12/2019 20:41

Sorry, you are being a bit precious I think. If dinner was delayed and that''s a problrm for him, why not make him a sandwuch or knick up some beans on toast? You really can't expect everything to run smoothly at Christmas and have to be flexible.

BlueWonder · 26/12/2019 20:43

Sandwich

Oysterbabe · 26/12/2019 20:47

We're you expecting the adults to all eat at 5 for the benefit of your child?!
I don't think I've eaten that early since I was 5.

KatherineJaneway · 26/12/2019 23:20

Yesterday dinner was at 6pm and today they’re doing again for 6.30/7pm!

A perfectly acceptable time for dinner. Other people's lives do not revolve around your dc.

roses2 · 27/12/2019 08:19

I agree with the OP being inflexible regarding dinner time however those posters who are suggesting the OP "pop the kids into bed before dinner" - who's kid actually goes to sleep at someone else's house when there is a party going on downstairs?!

Soon2BeMumof3 · 27/12/2019 08:27

How big is DH's family? How many people would have been expected to eat a very early dinner to accomodate one child? If DH is an only child and the dinner is just you and ILS then they should probably have accommodated you and YANBU.

But if there are other families then YABU to expect the world to revolve around your child's witching hour. Unfortunately having kids means sometimes missing out, but he'll be bigger and different next year so chin up. You did the right thing for your son. It wouldn't have been nice for him to get overtired and hear everyone whinging about how naughty they think he is.

I'd be putting him to bed, then getting some food delivered in for me (finances permitting) to enjoy on my own with a glass of wine, watching something only I enjoy.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 27/12/2019 08:30

Also if my ILs called my 4 year old naughty in his hearing, I'd be having strong words with them. If they've done this, then tell them that's absolutely out of line and bad for his self esteem.

A four year old getting tired and pretending to be spider man is not naughty, it's age appropriate.

HelloDulling · 27/12/2019 08:34

4:30/5pm is very, very early to eat dinner though; surely you can see that. I suppose the solution is for them to come to you, if you need to dictate meal times and bed times. Then your DS can eat earlier and go to bed, and the adults can eat after 7.

Original poster

CakeandCustard28 · 27/12/2019 11:53

@Soon2BeMumof3 I’ve told them numerous times to please stop making comments about his behaviour but they continue to do so. Makes me feel uncomfortable if I’m honest as they say it at least 3/4 times a week in his ear shot and personally I find it makes him worse. I’m already struggling big time as my eldest DC is getting upset as we don’t get 1/1 time as my youngest constantly plays up and it’s just the icing on the cake then constantly commenting on my youngest DC behaviour.

OP posts:

WaterOffADucksCrack · 27/12/2019 12:18

From your most recent post you need to see them less!

Minky35 · 27/12/2019 12:26

My DS used to have a ‘witching hour’ but I think in your case I’d have given him his dinner at his normal time, then he could have had a few bits when everyone else was eating (just so we could have joined them), and played / done drawing at the table.
They do sound like they’ve deliberately ignored your requests for earlier dinner, and sound unhelpful as they keep commenting on bad behaviour rather than trying to assist a bit?
Kids get overtired and excited at family do’s and I’m sure my relations would be helping, I.e. playing or reading with the child to try and distract them out of the annoying behaviour. Running around like Spider-Man isn’t the end of the world, it sounds like an excited 4 yo playing. They sound unhelpful - which is a shame for you.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/12/2019 12:33

Well they probably shouldn't be commenting on his behaviour but you sound like you don't have a handle on his behaviour either. If your eldest is complaining he doesnt get any time with you because youngest is too badly behaved then its not just the eating and bed time needing to be early is it? You cannot expect the world to revolve around 1 child.

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