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Infuriating in laws - Christmas rant!

41 replies

TwinklyLightsForXmas · 26/12/2019 15:24

Arrgghh! Please tell me it's not just me that is about to explode with Christmas frustration at the in laws?! My MIL, FIL and SIL are just so overbearing and interfering with an opinion on everything. I can't bear it so have come up with an excuse to not see them this afternoon but I need some tactics to deal with them as I can't avoid them forever (if only!)! SIL in particular is a total know it all and will just butt in when you are in mid sentence. I was asked directly by DH yesterday what the Xmas deserts were and I was half way through listing them and she interrupted me to finish my sentence 😡. Seems small in isolation but she does it ALL the time and my patience is wearing incredibly thin! How do you tolerate annoying in laws. Please send me your tips and tricks. After 20 years of putting up with them, my tolerance is low! Thanks 🙏

OP posts:

paulinespeaksmanylanguages · 26/12/2019 15:29

How does your DH cope with his in-laws?


Oldraver · 26/12/2019 15:34

If someone has form for interuppting you start with going silent, letting them finish then..".as I was saying"...if that doesn't work you got to ..."as I was saying before I was interrupted".

If that fails..."shut up". Ive taken to walking out the room every time my Mother interrupts


TwinklyLightsForXmas · 26/12/2019 15:37

With his parents/sis you mean? He is more tolerant of them but recognises the things that frustrate me. We don't see my family that often so he doesn't have to put up with his in laws nearly as much as I have to with mine!

OP posts:

TwinklyLightsForXmas · 26/12/2019 15:41

Thanks oldraver. I've also taken to leaving the room when SIL interrupts me but she is completely oblivious to the fact she is doing it. I think she's been doing it for so long (without anyone pointing it out to her) that it's just normal to her. I was fuming 😤 a few weeks ago when she interrupted me when I was disciplining DS. I mention that for context.....who goes into someone else's home and interferes when they are giving their child a telling off 😞???

OP posts:

seven8nine · 26/12/2019 15:51

Have you every told them or even hinted it's rude and annoying you?

I would have nipped this in the bud years ago, imho 20 years is a long time to tolerate this.


nowayhose · 26/12/2019 15:56

I would wait until SIL finished my sentence, then look at who I had been talking to and say '' Did you know I was a ventriloquist ? I bet you never even saw my lips move did you ??'' then pointedly STARE at SIL until an apology was forthcoming. :)

If that doesn't work, you may have to ask SIL to bend over so you can actually shove your hand up her arse as all ventriloquists do with their DUMMIES ! LOL


Athe · 26/12/2019 15:58

“Sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours”?


Willow2017 · 26/12/2019 16:00

"When i want your opinion i will give you it."
Works well it gives them time to pause to figure out what you mean while you finish talking.😁


Thescrewinthetuna · 26/12/2019 16:00

She’s rude and you need to stop being polite and seething and be rude back, it’s the only way she will stop. Be polite once saying something like ‘as I was saying before SIL interrupted...’ and if she does it again say ‘don’t interrupt me, it’s rude’ every single time. Don’t let her interfere with you disciplining your child either! That would drive me mad too OP. Be blunt and strong!


Aquamarine1029 · 26/12/2019 16:01

Honestly, you should have dealt with this years ago, and from now on you shouldn't be subtle about your irritation.

"Is there a reason you won't let me finish my sentence?"

"Excuse me, SIL, I wasn't done speaking."

"Has no one taught you that interrupting is very rude?"

I wouldn't put up with this shit for another day, and neither should you. If she gets upset, so be it.


LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 26/12/2019 16:02

I feel for you, l have similar frustrations. Can you only talk to them if they talk to you..? Can you be a little sarky in your responses without being rude? It's easier for partners, they grew up with it so its normal for them.


Motoko · 26/12/2019 16:05

I do what Oldraver suggested. "As I was saying, before I was interrupted..."


Nanny0gg · 26/12/2019 16:09

How old is she?

And I love “Sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours”?

I'm gonna use that one


MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 26/12/2019 16:17

Personally I go with ‘OH MY FUCKING GOD!’ but I appreciate that isn’t to everyone’s taste. Xmas Grin

Perhaps something less flammable like ‘, excuse me, I was talking?’ Every single time.


MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 · 26/12/2019 16:18

How rude of her.
I would stop making conservation. If she asks why you aren't speaking then you can explain why. If she lets you without interrupting that is! You can then say "My point exactly!"

Some great suggestions up there ^ Nanny oggs is excellent.

My SIL is a not it all and very opinionated. I avoid her like the plague and don't make conversation unless I have too.


TwinklyLightsForXmas · 26/12/2019 16:24

She's late 40s and I think she's been doing it all her life. They avoid conflict like the plague so no one will call it out and then I look like the bad guy when I try to tackle it 😞

OP posts:

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 26/12/2019 16:24

Next time your dh asks you something smile sweetly and say oh dont ask me darling I havent been able to get a word in edgeways for days now ...tinkly laugh is then demanded by a flounce off! but you have to say it sweetly with a smile but loudly!


MadameButterface · 26/12/2019 16:28

I just go silent and stare at them then carry on. When are they leaving? I’d be not so subtly going ‘remind me again when yougoing’


MadameButterface · 26/12/2019 16:28

*you’re going


Zogtastic · 26/12/2019 16:32

Look up “medium chill” - you’ll have been showing showing signs it annoys you for the last 20 years and if she/they cared that it did it, they would have changed their behaviour. They haven’t. The only person’s behaviour you can change is your own. Medium chill takes some practice but it’s amazing. You do it for you,not them - so it isn’t about them noticing you’ve emotionally disengaged, it’s about the freedom emotionally disengaging gives you. Literally been a life changing approach for me.


70isaLimitNotaTarget · 26/12/2019 16:34

If she interrupts then stop, let her whitter and if she asks you what you were saying just say "It doesn't matter , obviously not as important as what you had to say"

Given with a Paddington Bear Hard Stare


Lizzie0869 · 26/12/2019 16:39

That would really piss me off, OP, so YANBU. I don't have any family members who are that bad, but my DM sticks her oar in when DH or I are telling our DDs off, which I find really infuriating.

And I also have a SIL who is far too opinionated - pro Brexit, anti abortion etc. She had a go at me for going through a cycle of IVF, because of 'spare embryos'. She also pushed the idea of adoption before I was ready to think about it. (We did adopt in the end, but it wasn't her business.)

What made it worse was that she was at that stage pregnant with her fourth child (they now have 5), so it did make me angry, as I was infertile.

Families are tricky; as the saying goes, you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. I've found it's better to be forthright and speak up, otherwise resentment builds and you could end up completely losing it and saying something you'll regret.


seven8nine · 26/12/2019 16:41

Its great they avoid conflict (do you?) so next time they do it, interrupt them back and just tell them straight up in the nicest possible way how you feel. I would then just carry on as normal. Conflict is created when behaviour changes so if you don't change yours after you've said your piece it's up to them to take on board your feelings and hopefully they will do better in trying not to interrupt you in the future. Might take time and a few reminders but you are being cruel to be kind for your sanity.

Option B is to put up with it and avoid them as much as possible.


Blanketed · 26/12/2019 16:44

I have a sil a bit like this except she replies for other people ie her dh or her dcs. She's loud and abrupt. She thinks she's right about everything. I don't say anything to keep the peace as I too will look like a right cow as it's not very often. If I was you though being as its frequent then I would raise my hand in the air saying 'not finished yet' Finish what you want to say then laugh/smile saying 'your turn'. Then you can make out it was in a jokey way. Some of dhs family laugh whilst saying something they don't agree with. Another infuriating thing but they get away with it. Your Dh should say something really but probably won't as mine won't either.


BoomBoomsCousin · 26/12/2019 16:44

The suggestions for tackling SiL directly are good if you’re OK with conflict and you don’t mind rocking the family boat too much. But it’s not just SiL is it? If you try to tackle all the family members who annoy you head on you’re probably going alienate the whole lot of them and it will seem like it’s you that’s become intolerant (which, in a sense, will be true) not that their behaviour is unreasonable (which, if they’re all doing things like SiL, will also be true).

Can you cut down the amount you see them so that it doesn’t matter to you so much? I have a couple of annoying relatives but I only see them for a day around Christmas and maybe a couple of family get togethers over the year. So when they’re annoying it’s easy to detach and just look at it as a curiosity of nature that someone would act that way. If I had to see them once a fortnight for Sunday lunch that would not be possible!

Or are there good sides to them that you could focus on instead? My MiL is a catastrophizing busy body in some ways. But she’s also caring and generous and really loves her grandchildren. So while I do occasionally find myself being a bit short with her when she’s come out with some ridiculous statement about how an innocuous thing my kids are doing has lead to the death of someone she knows (she seems to know an endless number of people whose children have died in unusual ways) I tend to focus on the good in her instead.

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