Infuriating in laws - Christmas rant!

[TwinklyLightsForXmas]

Arrgghh! Please tell me it's not just me that is about to explode with Christmas frustration at the in laws?! My MIL, FIL and SIL are just so overbearing and interfering with an opinion on everything. I can't bear it so have come up with an excuse to not see them this afternoon but I need some tactics to deal with them as I can't avoid them forever (if only!)! SIL in particular is a total know it all and will just butt in when you are in mid sentence. I was asked directly by DH yesterday what the Xmas deserts were and I was half way through listing them and she interrupted me to finish my sentence 😡. Seems small in isolation but she does it ALL the time and my patience is wearing incredibly thin! How do you tolerate annoying in laws. Please send me your tips and tricks. After 20 years of putting up with them, my tolerance is low! Thanks 🙏

[NoSauce]

Why is it that spending time with in-laws turns grown women incapable of standing up for themselves?

[PepsiLola]

My DH family are like this but he's aware of it, and he will go "what were you saying Pepsi"
"One sec mum Pepsi is speaking"

I think it annoys him more than me

[PepsiLola]

I would be as rude as she is "please don't interrupt me"
"Excuse me I was speaking"
"Can I finish?"

Repeat everytime!

[HarrietThePi]

My dp's family all interupt and talk over each other. It seems to be that the only way to get a word in is to shout the loudest. I find it very tiring and tend to clam up and not really bother trying to talk. I stick to basic yes and no's and appropriate noises. They think I am quiet.. I am quiet, as in I am not a very shouty person, but I'm not half as quiet as they think I am. I don't really have the energy for every conversation to be a sort of competitive shouting contest. I'm used to giving others space to speak and being given the same. Unfortunately my DP is the same, though I understand why he is the way he is it doesn't make it any the less irritating. With him I usually point out that he has interrupted me. He's not as bad as they are, but we do argue about it fairly often.

[Drum2018]

I think she's been doing it for so long (without anyone pointing it out to her) that it's just normal to her.

So be the one who points it out to her. So what if it causes a bit of conflict. Won't you be delighted if you don't have to see them as often? Seriously, don't visit them. If Dh invites them over organise an evening out or a coffee with a friend.

[RiotAndAlarum]

"Sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?"

I am so going to use this on my DS...

[houselikeashed]

yep. I have inlaws here for 2 WEEKS.
MIL just talks non stop and often over the top of others.
I now just carry on talking a bit louder to whoever I was talking to.
I get really stressed out as mil always interferes/helps/takes-over whatever I'm doing. If I give her a job to do to help out she mucks it up and usually breaks something in the process.

[LellyMcKelly]

I just wave them down and say loudly, ‘Hang on, shush a minute. let me finish before I forget my train of thought’.

[T0tallyFuckedUpFamily]

we can't have our tv on because they hate the tv. So I'm literally bored out of my mind.

What the fuck?! Why the hell are you letting them dictate what you do in your own house? Put the fucking tv on and they can go home if they don’t like it. There’s a difference between being a good host and being a doormat.

[ChocolateTeapots1]

I have a great tip/trick I don't spend it with them . Hope that helps!

[Snowpatrolling]

I absolutely hate this and had a few friend that have done this.
I always say, I haven’t finished talking
Or do you mind I was mid sentence. Call them out on behaviour Cos it’s damn rude!!

[mummyway]

Op please say something to the sil or else you will be dealing with this for the rest of your life.......

[Twinklelikethechristmastree]

Yup mines just made a comment about my mental health that is wanting me to expload. They were here all day until 10.30 last night and here since 12 today we can't have our tv on because they hate the tv. So I'm literally bored out of my mind.

[Hollywolly1]

Jeeze all I know is in laws seems to bring out the best in families this time of year and funny enough on mumsnet all the cheaters seem to come to the surface to.All I can say is try keep the peace and it will all pass

[FlamingoQueen]

My fil interrupted my ds last Boxing Day. Fil asked him about his college plans, he started saying and was rudely interrupted with ‘friends son next door did that course’ and started going on about it. Ds looked at me, I said ‘don’t bother’ and that was it. It’s now been 1 whole year since we’ve seen them and there are no plans too either. Some people will always think they know better and their opinions count more than yours. Just walk off or say to DH ‘ask your Mum, she seems to know what’s going on!’. Good luck

[paulinespeaksmanylanguages]

No, OP. By asking how he coped with HIS in-laws- I meant how does he cope with your parents?

[BoomBoomsCousin]

The suggestions for tackling SiL directly are good if you’re OK with conflict and you don’t mind rocking the family boat too much. But it’s not just SiL is it? If you try to tackle all the family members who annoy you head on you’re probably going alienate the whole lot of them and it will seem like it’s you that’s become intolerant (which, in a sense, will be true) not that their behaviour is unreasonable (which, if they’re all doing things like SiL, will also be true).

Can you cut down the amount you see them so that it doesn’t matter to you so much? I have a couple of annoying relatives but I only see them for a day around Christmas and maybe a couple of family get togethers over the year. So when they’re annoying it’s easy to detach and just look at it as a curiosity of nature that someone would act that way. If I had to see them once a fortnight for Sunday lunch that would not be possible!

Or are there good sides to them that you could focus on instead? My MiL is a catastrophizing busy body in some ways. But she’s also caring and generous and really loves her grandchildren. So while I do occasionally find myself being a bit short with her when she’s come out with some ridiculous statement about how an innocuous thing my kids are doing has lead to the death of someone she knows (she seems to know an endless number of people whose children have died in unusual ways) I tend to focus on the good in her instead.

[Blanketed]

I have a sil a bit like this except she replies for other people ie her dh or her dcs. She's loud and abrupt. She thinks she's right about everything. I don't say anything to keep the peace as I too will look like a right cow as it's not very often. If I was you though being as its frequent then I would raise my hand in the air saying 'not finished yet' Finish what you want to say then laugh/smile saying 'your turn'. Then you can make out it was in a jokey way. Some of dhs family laugh whilst saying something they don't agree with. Another infuriating thing but they get away with it. Your Dh should say something really but probably won't as mine won't either.

[seven8nine]

Its great they avoid conflict (do you?) so next time they do it, interrupt them back and just tell them straight up in the nicest possible way how you feel. I would then just carry on as normal. Conflict is created when behaviour changes so if you don't change yours after you've said your piece it's up to them to take on board your feelings and hopefully they will do better in trying not to interrupt you in the future. Might take time and a few reminders but you are being cruel to be kind for your sanity.

Option B is to put up with it and avoid them as much as possible.

[Lizzie0869]

That would really piss me off, OP, so YANBU. I don't have any family members who are that bad, but my DM sticks her oar in when DH or I are telling our DDs off, which I find really infuriating.

And I also have a SIL who is far too opinionated - pro Brexit, anti abortion etc. She had a go at me for going through a cycle of IVF, because of 'spare embryos'. She also pushed the idea of adoption before I was ready to think about it. (We did adopt in the end, but it wasn't her business.)

What made it worse was that she was at that stage pregnant with her fourth child (they now have 5), so it did make me angry, as I was infertile.

Families are tricky; as the saying goes, you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family. I've found it's better to be forthright and speak up, otherwise resentment builds and you could end up completely losing it and saying something you'll regret.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

If she interrupts then stop, let her whitter and if she asks you what you were saying just say "It doesn't matter , obviously not as important as what you had to say"

Given with a Paddington Bear Hard Stare

[Zogtastic]

Look up “medium chill” - you’ll have been showing showing signs it annoys you for the last 20 years and if she/they cared that it did it, they would have changed their behaviour. They haven’t. The only person’s behaviour you can change is your own. Medium chill takes some practice but it’s amazing. You do it for you,not them - so it isn’t about them noticing you’ve emotionally disengaged, it’s about the freedom emotionally disengaging gives you. Literally been a life changing approach for me.

[MadameButterface]

*you’re going

[MadameButterface]

I just go silent and stare at them then carry on. When are they leaving? I’d be not so subtly going ‘remind me again when yougoing’

[Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe]

Next time your dh asks you something smile sweetly and say oh dont ask me darling I havent been able to get a word in edgeways for days now ...tinkly laugh is then demanded by a flounce off! but you have to say it sweetly with a smile but loudly!