Do people still bother with flowers and wreaths on graves?

[Thefaceofboe]

Just that really.

Just visited my grandma and grandads joint grave who have been gone 9 years and 12 years. They were a huge part of Christmas and are hugely missed by all the family. They had 9 children and 22 grand children.

Just been to put some flowers and a wreath on their grave (slightly late but I’m 300 miles away but always visit when I’m at my mum and dads) and there wasn’t a thing on there, expect the dying flowers I put there last time I visited. They were the only ones that I could see in that area with not one thing on their graves and it made me really sad . This is a regular thing and in the 9 years my grandma has been gone I’ve only ever seen flowers from someone other than me and my mum, twice. AIBU to expect people to bother?

I live in a different country to where my parents are buried - two different towns. I rarely visit but use a grave management service. They visit once a month, tidy the grave and place fresh flowers. They also send a before and after photograph. Much easier than having to rely on any of my relatives that still live locally.

I’ve told my adult DD’s to buy me flowers when I am old and housebound so I can enjoy them.
They won’t be an use to me when I am dead and buried will they?
Once I am gone I want people to get on with their life and forget about me, no good for anyone moping around.

My DM died several years ago. She was cremated and her ashes are in the church yard. Sometimes me , Dsis or (when he was alive) take flowers there. Her friend at church does arrangements in her memory. Other times I light a candle in the cathedral for her. My Ddad died a few months ago and was cremated. We haven't got the ashes back yet. Just because there are no flowers doesn't mean we dont miss her, think about her, or remember her. We had a meal out and toast when it would have been a significant birthday for her.

Here it is a common thing to put flowers on and tend to graves. Have to say some people get annoyed that it falls to them as a duty.