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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

July born child held back a year

164 replies

AlorMy · 26/12/2019 01:28

Not my child but DN (nephew)

He is 3. Seems average in development and is well socialised.

His birthday is late June and his parents are wanting him to be in the class below because they feel that he’ll be at a disadvantage being so young in the class.

Reception is saying no.

How can parents push through with this?

OP posts:

Original poster

AlorMy · 26/12/2019 15:58

Sorry, I meant delay not defer

OP posts:

happycamper11 · 26/12/2019 17:09

Defer is the correct term. Yes it seems a postcode lottery to how on board local authorities agree and are on board but the actual rules are country wide

Awkward1 · 26/12/2019 17:43

Not really plenty of time at 3yo applications need to be in by jan 15th! To go as usual at 4yo.
Many request you apply as usual and also request the school for a CSA start in reception (academy etc as appropriate).

Anyway imo many of these 'oh my dc was fine' can be ignored especially because the curriculum has changed recently so none of those kids are far into secondary even.
Most kids will not be being delayed but many more than I expected have chosen this recently.

I think you can't really tell at 3.5yo. And agree with a pp that the youngest targets at preschool may be 30-50m whereas others will be into 40-60 already so will have observations for that already before school so school would know their levels.
And also agree it is hard going teaching a disinterested even 4yo numbers and letters and is much quicker if they want to know.

Yeahnah2020 · 26/12/2019 17:45

I think they are right to hold him back. I was always the youngest in my year. I went to university at 17! Far too young. I always hated being th youngest and looking back I wasn’t as emotionally mature.

Isleepinahedgefund · 26/12/2019 17:47

In our LA area if you defer they don’t start in reception at all but join the school in Yr 1. They also don’t hold a place for you so you’re relying on there being a place at your preferred school in Yr1 AND your child being top of the waiting list - which at a popular school like ours is very unlikely. Our HT is very understanding but discourages deferral for a number of reasons - the only one they have supported from the last intake has SEN and an EHCP so will be top of the list for a place in Yr 1 anyway.

The join in yr 1 policy avoids them having to skip a year somewhere else so they’re taking SATs at the same time as their peers.

Ken1976 · 26/12/2019 19:09

My daughter was born in august and started school 3 weeks after her 4th birthday . When she was 5 we moved to an area where they didn't start school till 5.
At 7 years old her teacher asked me how old she had been when she had started school and when I told her she wasn't surprised. She told me the rest of her class still hadn't caught up with her. I believe it will be to your nephews advantage to start at 4. But it is not the law to start at 4 so keep him back if you want to. As you say , he's only little x

ButtonandPickle19 · 26/12/2019 19:10

Sorry was meant to be yabu... why on earth would they be so cruel to a child!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 26/12/2019 19:15

This is an interesting thread. DD is a late Aug birthday, was 6 weeks prem and small for gestational age. So compared to others the same age she is tiny. However, even as a baby i do notice that developmentally she's a) far more developed than her size and b) a bit more developed than her adjusted age - somewhere between actual and adjusted. The things I notice she is most behind on are gross motor and i am hoping it will even out a bit in time.

DonnaDarko · 26/12/2019 19:16

It's not the norm to defer. Most people don't bother.

DS is 4 in July and will be going to school from September. Our nursery have said they are happy we are not trying to hold him back, as he's very clever and he would get bored if he did another year of nursery.

My sister and I (twins) were late August babies and we went straight to school. Didn't do us any harm. At the end of secondary school, my sister was 2nd in our class and I was 11th out of 30+ students

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 26/12/2019 19:18

Yeahnah are you in UK? If so i dont understand how you would go to uni at 17..even an August birthday will be just 18 starting uni in the UK.

Jenala · 26/12/2019 19:18

My DS birthday is 30th of June. He's quite small for his age (second centile) and quite a shy, sensitive child. We considered deferring but didn't want him to go straight into year 1. He started reception this year.

I'm so glad I didn't delay. He is thriving, learning so much so quickly. He is was definitely ready even if I couldn't see it. I think straight into year 1 would be really hard, and being 3 months older in reception would also be really hard.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 26/12/2019 19:20

Donnadarko reassuring to hear this as for some reason I'm not keen on the idea of deferring (lots of faff and surely someone has to be youngest?).

Of the very academically successful people i know there are a range of birthdays. Same for the less academic.

Whatsername177 · 26/12/2019 19:24

My dd is July born and has not needed to be kept back- she is bright and working 'well above age expected' according to her report. What reasons did the parents have for wanting the child to be held back, other than age? Dd1 was at nursery from 9 months so I needed her to go to school due to extortionate child care costs. If she'd have waited a year it would have cost us another £8000.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 26/12/2019 19:24

It’s so interesting that this is a “thing”. I’m in my early 20s and was in set 1 for everything - there were plenty of summer babies in my classes at secondary school. I even felt “old” being born in March as there were that many with birthdays in June-August!!

I don’t think being born in September automatically makes one smarter nor does being born in summer mean that they should defer a year. I always assumed that on the whole, pupils born in summer wouldn’t be behind the rest of their academic year.

WaterSheep · 26/12/2019 19:28

It's interesting that some posters say this is a common occurrence and others disagree. Is there any research on how many children are deferred and reasons for deferral?

Original poster

AlorMy · 26/12/2019 19:43

What reasons did the parents have for wanting the child to be held back, other than age?

He’s very shy and quite timid socially until he feels more comfortable with new people. He doesn’t do very well with stronger, older children and so it would seem better for him to be with a younger group from the beginning

OP posts:

Mmmcheesecake · 26/12/2019 19:47

But surely someone has to be the youngest. If all the July/August born defer then May/June will automatically become the youngest and then will they get to defer? Where will it end .

I am a July born. I have July and August born children. Fwiw there’s a good 7/8 children in my dds class with July/August birthdays which is a quarter of the class so they might not necessarily be so disadvantaged.

WaterSheep · 26/12/2019 19:49

AlorMy does he go to a nursery?

whatnow40 · 26/12/2019 19:52

A friend of mine successfully applied to defer her DS from starting reception and he had another year in the nursery class of the school. She had support from the school head and it helped that he was in the nursery for his catchment school. He's July born and was 6 weeks premature. If he'd been born full term he would have been in the following year. He also has a July born older brother and so my friend was able to demonstrate the impact on him in that school, with their support available.

Her only regret was not realising she could have done the same with her older son as well. The younger one is now in Reception and doing really well, having had an extra year of learning through play without the academic side piling pressure on an 'only just' 4 year old. Tallest in the class though, towers over his peers

Naijamama · 26/12/2019 19:53

Depends on the reasons. My daughter's an August born and is thriving at school. Her friend is a week younger, also an August born and stayed back a year in Nursery as he was struggling with a few things. He's had a referral to a paediatrician in that time, as Nursery suspect he has ASD. The extra year means he'll start nursery with the right support in place.

Hangingwithmygnomies · 26/12/2019 19:55

Forgive me, not RTFT. I have a late July born child who will be starting reception next September. My understanding is, if you defer, it only defers the reception year and then they start either later in rececption at say Easter, or they start straight into Year 1 the following September? Happy to be corrected if that's not the case though. We haven't deferred DS as if my understanding is correct and they start into Y1, most will already have friendship groups in place and potentially could find it harder to break into hose groups. I've gone from having one of the oldest children in the year with DC1 to youngest with DC2.

Is he at nursery/pre schooln OP? X

Lou898 · 26/12/2019 20:20

I work in a school and deal with admissions. I can only speak for England as Scotland definitely have different rules (have friends who live there) and I don’t know about Wales. In England you can defer start until the term after they are 5 but they will still join the same cohort ie in your case they would join year 1 if you left them to start until the term after the 5th birthday. Even with children with SEN I have never known them join any other year than their cohort but there may be exceptions although my school have never accepted a child into a lower year group.
One of my own children is a July born and was fine. My opinion is if they will ultimately need to join the same cohort then they will be at a further disadvantage ( friendships, missed routines and learning) by delaying the entry. Children are much more resilient than parents give them credit for.

MaggieFS · 26/12/2019 20:21

I wonder is there any difference between late born children who have been to a formal nursery/pre school compared to those who haven't? DS is late July, but I'm really hoping when the time comes, having been at nursery/pre school will stand him in good stead to cope in the correct year, even though he'll barely be four.

ooooohbetty · 26/12/2019 20:32

@lou898 each LA is different. Where I live they allow summer born children to start in Reception the September after they should have but only if the HT of the school agrees to it. And not all do. I don't understand why anyone would purposely make their child miss a whole year of schooling to start them in year 1. Madness.

Adoptthisdogornot · 26/12/2019 20:51

2 of my children are late summer borns. One is currently held back, which I know in my bones was the right decision, but the younger one will probably go into his normal year when he turns 4.
The stats all indicate it's better to be the oldest in the year, I did masses of research, and it's pretty conclusive. Anecdotal evidence is unhelpful, and you should ignore all the "I'm July but went to Oxford" etc. as they are not relevant to your child. I strongly think you should follow your gut (and you'd be hard pressed to find a reception or year 1 teacher who thinks sending them young is a good idea).

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