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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

July born child held back a year

164 replies

AlorMy · 26/12/2019 01:28

Not my child but DN (nephew)

He is 3. Seems average in development and is well socialised.

His birthday is late June and his parents are wanting him to be in the class below because they feel that he’ll be at a disadvantage being so young in the class.

Reception is saying no.

How can parents push through with this?

OP posts:
happycamper11 · 26/12/2019 11:14

Surely it's no business but the parents it's the norm to defer (not hold back) the youngest and there are recognised and marked advantages to this at exam times as well as early years

Selfsettling3 · 26/12/2019 11:15

Following. I’m a teacher with a July baby. I will be applying for deferred entry for her when she is school aged.

motherofmincepies · 26/12/2019 11:17

Join the Facebook group flexible admissions for summer borns.

Lots of advice on here. I have been successful with delaying my summer born from the advise on this group

happycamper11 · 26/12/2019 11:18

Also agree join a dedicated page too, lots of people here will make up facts based only on their own opinion

eatanazurecrayon · 26/12/2019 11:19

I taught for years then stopped because I couldn't keep pushing kids to do things they weren't developmentally ready for. I'd keep him back regardless of 'readiness' for the sake of his future mental health. The rest of Europe do well with 'kindergarten' until 6.5/7 then everyone starts formal education when they're socially and emotionally ready. Take if from me, it'll take 2-3 years to teach a 4.5 year old to do something you can teach a 7 year old in 3 weeks.

If you have a Steiner or Montessori school near you the this is an option-if you can afford it for a year.

WaterSheep · 26/12/2019 11:20

it's the norm to defer (not hold back) the youngest

Genuinely curious about this, but is it the norm?

I understand it's becoming more common, but I would think most children still start with their regular cohort.

Dozer · 26/12/2019 11:21

Not “the norm”, no.

dottiedodah · 26/12/2019 11:28

Well my own DS started School at 4 (He is a July Birthday ) .I felt he was much too young at the time ,however he liked it straight away ,did well went to a Russell Group University, and got a Masters Degree! Somehow the gap seems to narrow when they go up through the School years .Even if they delay the year ,they need to check that a place will be open for them in Reception .In busy areas it may not be possible to do this .

QuickstepQueen · 26/12/2019 11:30

I have a 16 year old end of July born. I wanted to hold him back a year but at the time we weren't allowed.

He did really well in his GCSEs, but it took him a while to catch up - he exceeded his very low targets every year, it was always assumed he wasn't very bright. Socially it's been tough for him, he didn't connect with the other boys - they were all a bit more streetwise than him, he had no friends at infant school. We moved him at that point to give him a fresh start. Now he's in Sixth Form he has loads of friends and has A level expected grades AAA. People used to say their kids were really ready for school - I had no clue what they meant, I didn't see that he was ready at all. His nursery teacher said to me it was such a shame that he could just stay at nursery for another year but back then your child had to be severely delayed.
It's all fine now - but if I had the opportunity to defer I definitely would have grabbed it.

demelza82 · 26/12/2019 11:52

I've done this with my August born, it was totally the right decision for us as he is thriving. I wholly recommend the Facebook group mentioned above

demelza82 · 26/12/2019 11:55

Another thing - it is a postcode lottery unfortunately but the FB group is extremely supportive. We were very lucky to have a progressive , responsive catchment school

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 26/12/2019 12:05

We considered it with ds - a June baby - but decided against it.

Our main reason was that he was in one of the first years that people were allowed to defer and I don’t trust the LEA (or the ever changing government!) not to go and change the rules again and make it a complete nightmare at secondary.

I also felt that although he wasn’t ready at 4 years 3 months that he would be far far too ready at 5 years 3 months. He had no issues as such - was very similar to other summer boys at nursery.

I always say that dd (March baby) could have done with starting school six months earlier whilst ds could have done with a six month delay.

In fact he started school and absolutely flew! He had a few problems with his fine motor skills (or possibly just stubbornness as he had no interest in picking up a pencil when there were trains to play with!) but there were a number in the same position and they worked with them and he caught up very quickly. He is now a “GD” child across the board and I can’t imagine him in the year below.

I do think it would have been different though if he had had a delay rather than being perfectly average (or maybe above average) for his actual age.

Whatagoodidea · 26/12/2019 12:11

My DS is a late June baby. When he was young KS1 and 2 he always found it difficult in the first term and we would worry but sometime and did discuss with his teachers and school generally nut they said he would be fine. In Jan/Feb it would all just click and he would be fine. There was never and issue socially. By the time he reached KS3 even this lag had disappeared. He is now at university.

CustardOmlet · 26/12/2019 12:18

My DS was 3 in mid August. Premature and communication delay, under SALT. Our school let’s them start half days from 3 and full time reception from September after they’re 4 (standard for our local schools). I met with the head in April and discussed our concerns and was advised two options - defer or delay. The school ordinarily refuses defer unless extenuating circumstances, and will allow delay until 5yrs old. In our situation we have been advised to apply for his school play, but decline it when it comes through and DS will instead start half days from September with the 3yr old and remain the eldest in his year.

Ambrose2 · 26/12/2019 12:29

I wouldn't hold my kids back a year, no. But I would encourage any teenager at 18 not to go straight to university but have an extra year beforehand, be that working, at college, or travelling or a combination. I think those summer kids need a bit of catch up maturity wise sometimes, but that can come when they are older. I wouldn't keep them behind in sports or whatever because then they wouldn't be able to compete. I think that summer born children benefit more from a really good pre school year too so that they have the opportunity to get school ready

Aurea · 26/12/2019 12:32

My DS is end of August birthday AND was premature so should have been the year below. He's just started at Oxford University from a comprehensive school and never struggled at school so it can depend on the individual.

olivesnutsandcheese · 26/12/2019 13:25

My DS is a late August born, 29th in fact. He literally turned 4 and was at school the next week. We considered holding him back but he made big progress at nursery school and was ok to start school.
Academically he has done very well and it helps he is tall and sporty. But by heck have we noticed the difference in maturity with his peers. He has friends but struggles with the relationships. He behaves really well at school, very obedient but absolutely let's rip at home.
But as others have posted, someone needs to be the youngest. He will catch up at some point emotionally. We may just need to guide and facilitate his friendships longer than most. I really don't see the need to hold back if there are no other issues

Thefifthbeatle · 26/12/2019 13:45

I could be wrong, but I didn't get the impression that the OP was asking whether everyone agrees with the parenting decision that has already been made. The OP suggests strongly that she is looking for practical advice on how her family member might be able to implement that decision.

schafernaker · 26/12/2019 13:51

I find this really interesting, we have a late May baby who was due in August. We aren’t entirely sure what to do with her!

happycamper11 · 26/12/2019 14:00

*Genuinely curious about this, but is it the norm?

I understand it's becoming more common, but I would think most children still start with their regular cohort.*

It's the norm in that lots of people choose to do it, ime around 50% of those that can in a year, many who choose not to do so its they pay for private nursery care so it's more a financial decision. It's the norm in that it's so easy to do, you are free to make the decision and that's it. No reason needs given and an additional year of nursery funding will immediately be allocated. It's no more common now as this has been the case since I was starting school and I'm now 40

TreeTopTim · 26/12/2019 14:02

Reading this thread has made me glad to live in Scotland. I could never imagine sending my 3 or 4 year old to school. It seems so young to me.

I am sorry OP that I have no practical advice for you, you say Reception have said no. Is that the school only, have they gone higher up to the Local Authority?

ooooohbetty · 26/12/2019 14:10

There is absolutely no need unless the child has SEN. The school will have years and years of experience of teaching summer born children. Some summer borns will be bright and catch up really quickly but some won't. The same with children born in September. I speak as the mother of an August baby who was a little behind at first but caught up and now has a very well paid career.

happycamper11 · 26/12/2019 14:14

Sorry I misread the post and thought you were against it OP. It is possible but it's harder as it's a new thing in England and many people including head teachers and nursery staff aren't really aware or on board. You need to know your rights (rather they do) and that Facebook page is a big help. A friend in England found it really helpful when in the same position. In the end she chose a part time reception place rather than a deferral and it's worked out ok but obviously every child is different so it helps to be ahead of the game with the rules

Legoandloldolls · 26/12/2019 14:14

I delayed my mid Aug dd. Dont regret it one bit. I had no resistance from all four schools I applied too. But he brothers have sen which helped our case. no school wants the risk of a possible ehcp in my experience.

Look on FB for summer born groups. You can get detailed advise from there

Original poster
AlorMy · 26/12/2019 15:53

Seems there’s a bit of a postcode lottery regarding which schools are happy to allow deferral or not.

Also whether it’s possible to change at a later date, for example at primary point.

DN is only 3 so there’s still time to decide but come next year he’ll either be in reception or not which is a massive decision to make.

OP posts:
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